To hate the expectation on Mother’s Day from my mother

[littleblackdress04]

My DD just rang my mother to wish her happy Mother’s Day- I don’t think the cards we sent got there in time probably with everything going on. I also didn’t send flowers this year because the florist in her small town didn’t answer the phone.

My mother just cut my 8 year old daughter off on the phone to talk to my sister whose card has arrived. My mother is a bit of a narcissist at the best of times but now my DD is in tears!

Aibu to bloody hate Mother’s Day? So much fucking expectation

Not sure I understand? It’s quite normal to say hang on I’m getting another call I’ll call you back? I doubt she said to your daughter someone better is on the phone. Why is your daughter crying?

It really depends on the way she cut her off.

Also, did you speak to your mum before your daughter did to a) check the cards got there and explain about the flowers and b) wish her a happy Mother’s Day?

Why such a dramatic reaction from your daughter? Seems like an oddly charged situation.

Why is your dd ringing your mother, surely it should be you ringing her?

So you didnt bother and your mums upset... I dont think its your mum who wrong.

Perhaps she is a bit pissed off because it looks like you made no effort apart from getting someone else to ring her??

Your reasons for card not arriving and not sending flowers aren’t great. Post is normal here and loads of companies were doing flowers. Mine arrived first thing this morning.

If you don’t like your mum and resent having to make an effort that’s one thing but if you know it means something to her and just didn’t bother you can see why she’s upset.

I agree with @Bezalelle, it seems highly charged. My dd wouldn't care if my mother ended their phonecall I don't think.

Oh bloody hell, what is it with the kind of sadist who always feels compelled to post the always, always disingenuous "not sure I understand" (see also "I genuinely don't understand", "I can't get worked up about this" and "genuine question" - its always a goad, its never a genuine question - or "trust me on this" - never trust anyone who needs to say "trust me" is a rule to live by...)

Anyone who cuts off an 8yo like that deserves exactly what she got - nothing!

What benefit does she bring to your lives? Honestly? You can’t have a relationship with a narc, they destroy everything and everyone they come close to.

If I were you I’d leave it a few days and when your dd is out of earshot, call her and explain (a) what actually happened wrt card and flowers and (b) TELL her that hanging up on your dd was rude and upset her and that you’re not going to let that go unchallenged.

She can think/say whatever the fuck she likes to an adult, but never punish your dd for some perceived crime that hasn’t actually been committed anyway!

TBH a card and a bunch of flowers on mothers day isnt expecting to much. Your excuses sound pretty flimsy too. The florest didnt answer the phone? Are they the only florest on the planet?

She shouldnt be off with your daughter though.

So your mum has no card, flowers, or phone call from you, her daughter, and you don't know why she might be upset?

Why are people defending an adult behaving more spitefully than they'd ever tolerate from a child?

If granny's birthday present for 8 year old hadn't arrived and granny rang on 8 year old's birthday, would the same posters be cheering on the 8 year old for hanging up on her gran?

You can bet they wouldn't, they'd have the metaphorical pitchforks out and be ranting about entitlement and ingratiate, demanding to know what punishments and humiliation had been put in place for the child.

*ingratitude not ingratiate

You’re upset because your mum wanted to answer a call from her own actual daughter on Mother’s Day, rather than talking to her granddaughter, the offspring of the daughter who sent nothing for Mother’s Day?
Have I got that right? Have I? I mean, have I?

Ffs, get a grip op. I’ve hung up, very politely on my eldest daughter to chat shit with my youngest daughter this morning. My middle daughter is a permanent night shift nurse. It suits her life. She will probably phone/FaceTime later today. Until then, I’m not going to give a shit. May I suggest you calm the fuck down.

Exactly anothernotherone. I saw a thread earlier posted by someone upset no effort had been made for her on Mother’s Day and the response was largely “get over yourself, there’s a pandemic going on”. MN is a very contradictory place at times. Some will turn themselves inside out to excuse someone else’s bad behaviour, but when someone posts about their own they get annihilated for being selfish.

So your mum has no card, flowers, or phone call from you, her daughter, and you don't know why she might be upset?

MN is wild sometimes. There’s got to be a thread running concurrently here where some OP is being told they’re a drama queen for being upset that their DH forgot to get them flowers and a card from their kid 🤦🏻‍♀️

You are not being unreasonable to hate MD, but you ARE being unreasonable for not ringing your mother back and giving her a mouthful for upsetting your DD!!

If your mother is a narcissist and upsets your 8 year old it might be best to protect your daughter by restricting her exposure to her grandmother.

I agree that it depends on how she spoke to your DD, but clearly it upset her anyhow. It sounds like you have quite a difficult relationship with her. I don't understand why you couldn't send flowers though - so many online companies do flowers (interflora, Next, M&S to name but a few). I appreciate that you may prefer the quality from the local florist, but it wouldn't have hurt for one year.

Ultimately, though, I think that if this is part of a pattern of behaviour from her, and from what you have written it sounds like it is, then you need to have a good look at how and when you interact with her. You need to think about what is best for your MH, and that of your DD.

It’s normal to cut off a call to take another. Your dd shouldn’t be falling to pieces over it. Just call her back later

I sent the cards on thursday so in plenty of time. She cut my daughter off mid sentence to speak to my sister - I was going to speak to her after to wish happy Mother’s Day but she cut us off

Thursday isn’t plenty of time. It clearly wasn’t enough time.

Why didn’t you try anywhere else for flowers?

Do you want to do nice things for your mum or not?

Given what is going on Thursday is not plenty of time.

M&S were doing flowers nation wide

Why is your daughter crying