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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel this is too pushy

38 replies

Dairydoo · 21/03/2020 14:53

A mum I know from the school runs seems to be trying to make her reception aged child super advanced. She's a very bright child and at 4 she was writing sentances neatly (like a ten year old) cutting out beautifully, reading beautifully. Colouring in immaculately. She just is really bright.

Her mum walked home with me yesterday telling me she's bought a package for this child now she's off school with work right through to year 6. She has done a full plan and said she's doing half an hour a day of maths, English , reading and religious studies.

Obviously the child won't do what she doesn't want too. But we are not being told to push our children like this. In the long term is this a good thing? Will she be bored by year 2. When my daughter made her daughter a picture she laughed at it because she had coloured out the lines abit.

I asked her how she was going to do all this learning with a one and three year old also in the house. She said they also will have lessons and she told me the plan for them too. It all sounded great but wow.

Should children be pushed at 4/5 to be doing work way ahead of their peers? I have never come across this before. She's very enthusiastic about having her home and she can't wait to educate her. I just can't imagine this child will ever be stimulated enough in her own year. Do they put children forward a few years when they are this clever?

OP posts:

nicknamehelp · 21/03/2020 14:57

Give her a week!

Lolling · 21/03/2020 14:58

She sounds like a wonderful mother who's helping her very bright child reach her potential. And if nothing else, surely it's better to have some structured learning now schools are shut rather than weeks of just tv and games.

Lllot5 · 21/03/2020 14:59

I wouldn’t worry probably not gonna see her till September. 🤷‍♀️

LemonSqueezy0 · 21/03/2020 15:01

Probably have to file this one under 'You keep looking out for your chikdren; other people keep looking out for theirs'

Elliesmommy · 21/03/2020 15:03

She sounds like a CF. Children should develop and learn at their own rate. Crazy.

Ohtherewearethen · 21/03/2020 15:18

It sounds like a big case of the PFB. She loves the idea of playing teachers with her little genius and probably has some quite unrealistic expectations of what her daughter will want and be able to do at home, along with her 1 and 3 year old siblings! I think she might get a hard dose of reality over the next ten days, don't worry!

Justsaynonow · 21/03/2020 15:18

I have 3 kids. The first would have loved this approach - she soaked up info like a sponge, seeking it out everywhere. I didn't push her but she was reading and writing by 4. My second was a selective sponge - had very specific areas of interest. My 3rd took all my patience and time just to get her to focus and open her mind to learning. I stepped in because the teacher told her she had a math block (!) and dd thought that meant she didn't need to do it. Now all in their 20's, they're still in education (and dd3 is doing calculus by choice).

I'd leave her to it and don't feel bad, OP - if she needs to boast about it there's more to it than fulfilling her child's interests. And she may find it doesn't go as planned. There are probably loads of businesses gearing up advertising for home educating packages.

Letseatgrandma · 21/03/2020 15:20

she's doing half an hour a day of maths, English , reading and religious studies.

That isn’t actually that much over the course of a day.

EL8888 · 21/03/2020 15:21

Total PFB syndrome. Doubt the whole scheme will last but anyway

JezebelJinx · 21/03/2020 15:29

So, 30min each day of core subject skills plus religious studies? Like 90 minutes a day then like Sunday school or Jewish studies on top?

Tbh that surely is not over the top at all! Half an hour of reading before bed ticks one of those off.

If we had the £££ to have a SAHP then surely that's what you're staying at home for? I.e. toget involved in your child's development in a way working parents may struggle to fit in.

seems to be trying to make her reception aged child super advanced
..... This is a ridiculous statement.

She's doing a fairly ok amount of 1 on 1 tuition, it's not excessive.

I mean, my parents weren't amazing academically or had much spare time for active homework supervision.. but we were expected to practice times tables, spellings several times a week, and read a book (later a chapter) before bed... Which we loved... That's not that far off what you've described!

Does her approach make you feel bad that you've not done the same for your child?

JezebelJinx · 21/03/2020 15:32

I'm actually really shocked at some of the responses on here about being PFB. This level of education at home is perhaps more down to your upbringing/class? My parents were working class (cleaner and factory labour) and wanted more for their kids. I'm actually saddened that so many posters are suggesting this is being PFB?!?!?

GreenWheat · 21/03/2020 15:34

Some children would thrive on this approach, while others wouldn't. She probably knows her child and is going to take this time to see if this works for her child. In my opinion, "pushy" only comes into play if the parent is forcing an approach that they want rather than one which is best for the child.

BoomBoomsCousin · 21/03/2020 15:38

The structure probably helps her cope with having her children at home. Many people find it easier when they have a plan for what to do. I don't see why half an hour of maths/reading/any other subject a day is any more unreasonable than doing half an hour of football/ swimming/craft/TV each day.

Ohtherewearethen · 21/03/2020 15:45

@JezebelJinx - it's the structured, rigid plan for half an hour of English and maths etc that is absurd. Young children learn better through games, hands on experience and fun that a YR-Y6 workbook that parents can buy. There is so much more to a child's life and learning than doing English and maths activities for half an hour each a day. There's plenty of time for that as children grow.

MitziK · 21/03/2020 15:45

Don't be so harsh on her.

A very able child deprived of such things as challenging work, activities and stimulation, cooped up inside for months, will be absolute murder.

It's very sensible of her - the trouble will come when said child has done all of it and still wants more.

Allocating such a short period of time to it also keeps in with a lot of work into attention spans - as long as it's broken up with other activities, such as physical ones, art/craft, helping in the house, watching TV and playing, she'll learn because she needs to learn.

As it is, depending upon how long this lasts, there's a chance that there will be changes in formal education based upon the vast differences between children's learning in the period - at least I would hope so, as I clearly remember how bored I was in the first three years of secondary school - and what I got up to in order to break up the monotony of repeating things I'd done in Juniors.

So it's not going to hurt her - she'll be back to learning how to play and have games with other children, for a start, more physical activity, team sports, collaborative activities, etc, etc, once this part ends and schools return.

NiteFlights · 21/03/2020 15:55

I think YANBU. If the little girl is bright she won’t have problems keeping up with normal school at all. It would be better to encourage her to learn more freely, with plenty of books on different subjects, reading alone and with her parents, and some practical activities at home like baking, gardening, Lego, knitting, learning a musical instrument, whatever she is interested in - the same as any child really. I was a bright child and I remember the boredom and embarrassment of being ahead of my class when we were still meant to be learning reading etc - it wasn’t my parents’ fault and I wasn’t the only one but it’s hard when you are too young to understand why school is so boring and you want to learn more! It’s also unfair IMO to make learning too rigid for little ones. They get plenty of that later.

SmallChickBilly · 21/03/2020 16:29

it's the structured, rigid plan for half an hour of English and maths etc that is absurd. Young children learn better through games, hands on experience and fun that a YR-Y6 workbook that parents can buy. There is so much more to a child's life and learning than doing English and maths activities for half an hour each a day. There's plenty of time for that as children grow.

But she would have WAY more structure and fewer opportunities for hands-on learning if she were at school! Why is it absurd to do it at home, but fine for 99% of the nation's children when it's at school?

QuillBill · 21/03/2020 16:34

I don’t think it’s even slightly absurd. I am a primary school teacher and no more than she would do if she were at school, A lot of children enjoy learning. I think the days will be easier with structure.

TorkTorkBam · 21/03/2020 16:38

I must be on another planet. Two hours of structured school work a day is not a lot.

You know you can't inject the brains into them anyway, if they've got an aptitude they've got it and if they haven't you can't force it into them.

One of my three was reading well at 4 because he just took to it and loved it. Maybe people thought I was hot-housing him by spending an hour a day reading together. Not a bit of it though. He adored it. Would beg for it. We also spent plenty of time playing monster chase and play doh.

Take your judgey pants off

Daftodil · 21/03/2020 16:41

So spending 2 hours a day doing "educational activities" and you think she's a pushy parent? I don't think that giving your 4yo some pictures to colour in makes you a tiger mom. Encouraging reading and maths at home is hardly the same as signing a 4yo up to twenty classes a week of advanced Latin, violin and calculus! Sounds like there's plenty of time left in the day for playing.

Samtsirch · 21/03/2020 16:48

Let her do what works for her, and you do what works for you.
Exactly what LemonSqueezy0 says.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 21/03/2020 16:53

She’s printed work right up to year 6?? How long does she expect schools to be closed for?

crispysausagerolls · 21/03/2020 16:54

I don’t get the problem 🤷🏻‍♀️ Her child sounds incredibly bright and she has the time and willing to dedicate to her. Sounds like a good mother really!

Frenchw1fe · 21/03/2020 16:56

@Letseatgrandma it actually is more than enough on a one to one basis. My dn is homeschooled and doesn’t need a full day of education, it would be exhausting for both him and his dm.

WhatTiggersDoBest · 21/03/2020 16:57

She's not being pushy. If the child is bright, why should she be held back to be kept at the same level as other children? For all you know, she could be put up a year later in her schooling, and finish school early. YABU and you sound a bit jealous TBH that this mother is trying her best to educate her child despite the school closures.

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