To be annoyed with my sister???

[WreckTangle95]

So yesterday my sister text me to say she has lent my Ex £50.

I have two kids with my ex, which he only sees once every 8 weeks or so. He arranges to get them and then cancels at the last minute, because he dosent have enough money. Hes never paid any sort of maintenance, and never phones them to ask how they are etc. Last time he saw them he promised my daughter, who is 5, that he would drop her some presents off on her birthday. Well her birthday came and went, not a phone call, not a card through the door, nothing. Also he's been on various drugs for years. He's stolen from his family members, and now dosent have any family left that are willing to have a relationship with him. My own relationship with him was absolutely awful, he was abusive, financially controlling, and the time I was with him was the worst of my life. He even stole my dad's wallet once. There's a lot more to it that I can't be bothered to go into. My sister knows all this.

And yet for some reason she really likes him. She's always sticking up for him and defending him. Two years ago he had a job and was paying £10 a week maintenance, and he rang my sister, crying his eyes out saying he couldn't afford it and asked her if she would have a word with me so I would phone the child maintenance service and cancel the payments. So she phoned me telling me how she felt so sorry for him and could I please stop the payments? Then He lost his job the same week.

So she sent me a message yesterday saying 'I've had to lend Ex £50 as he's starving'. I phoned her up and she said he'd been begging for food on snapchat. I'm more annoyed because I know how manipulating he is, and how he used to steal money off me for drugs etc. I told her I don't think he would have spent her money on food, and she dosent care. She told him she dosent even want the money back. I just don't know why she's so nice to him when not only did he make my life hell, he hardly botheres with his kids and couldn't give a toss about them.

For context my sister is early 30s, with no children. Ex and I are late 20s.

Would this annoy you? My sister says I'm being rediculous.

Who cares what the silly woman does with her money. Both of them sound utterly tedious. I'd be ignoring it all. You don't need that drama.

I'd just think 'silly cow, he's playing you' and get on with my day.

Just say that's nice but I don't want to hear about it.

She's a mug
Tell her you don't want to hear about him

You've warned her, that's all you can do. I wouldn't reply to anything regarding her giving him money anymore.

Why on earth is she telling you? If she doesn't want it back and it's a transaction between them?
Just respond with -that's nice. Then ignore it all.

I’d be annoyed at her for being so fucking stupid but there’s not much you can do about it. When she eventually finds out for herself what a manipulative shit he is it would be tempting to enjoy saying “I told you so”.

What an idiot.

And yes tell her you don’t want to hear anything about him at all. If she starts discussing him hang up/walk away.

Immediate thought Is she fancies him

She fancies him or has lived a very limited life. My aunt was like this with my DM about my alcoholic father. Implying that DM was part of the problem not DFs addiction.
But she was stupid and naive.

She definitely knows what he's like but has millions of excuses for him. And as to fancying him, the thought has crossed my mind but he's not very attractive, you can tell by looking at him he's a drug abuser

With the greatest of respect, he conned you into having two kids with him and stole your money too. He is clearly very manipulative, cut your sister some slack.
I think she is disloyal to be communicating with your ex at all though.

My immediate thought is she's got a thing for him too, perhaps trying to ""rescue him"
Given her attitude that she thinks you are ridiculous, i think you just need to take the stance that any financial arrangement between them is nothing to do with you and you don't need to know anything about it. Pretty shitty for you given his lack of involvement and contribution but for your own sanity just jeave her to - she doesn't want to listen to you and she'll have to learn the hard way getting burnt.

@Antipodeancousin that's what annoys me, she's constantly in touch with him via snapchat, Facebook, Instagram etc.

I think this is a lesson she has to learn herself but yes I'd be annoyed too.

But why is she telling you about it?

A fool and her money are soon parted but to keep telling you is weird.

Why does she want you to know?

I think I’d say to her that she’s being disloyal to you and that if she wants to choose him as a friend, knowing what you’ve gone through at his hands, then to crack on, but that she’s on her own and won’t have any part in your lives going forward.

Wash your hands of her.

Disloyal, mean spirited and stupid of you DSis. I’d be distancing myself from her.

I've told her that's what I think @MzHz, but she says she's looking out for the kids dad, and the kids will thank her for it when they are older!

Well you fancied him once... did he look like a druggie when you first met him? Because if he was attractive then, that’s the “him” she started fancying. First impressions count for a lot.

Plus there’s probably a bit of a rescuer thing going on. Plus he probably gives her all sorts of flannel about how she’s so much nicer and less judgemental than you are.

Were there any issues between you and sis growing up?

Maybe warn your sister again that he is so manipulative and he is telling her things in a 'feel sorry for me' way to get her to lend him the money and that you want nothing to do with him. Up to her what she does but she will realise one day she is being taken for a fool. Unless people have been through what you have then they don't always realise how manipulative someone like that can be and as a nice person, fall for their claims.
I know it must be annoying /upsetting for you but try to ignore and she will realise soon enough. That's all you can do.

She obviously loves the drama and possibly winding you up. I would ban any discussion about him. Do not respond to texts that mention him and certainly don’t call her

I also told her if she's got a spare £50 to donate it to the food bank. She said my ex is more vulnerable than most people who use food banks.

Your sister is an idiot and I would be fucking furious with her! To be honest I would keep my distance from her

@NymphadoraBonks he has certainly deteriorated over the past 5 years, he did used to be quite good looking, used to look after his teeth etc. No there have never been many issues growing up, we were quite close until I had children. She still enjoys a party lifestyle, and she works alot so we don't see much of each other now.