To be annoyed with my sister???

[WreckTangle95]

So yesterday my sister text me to say she has lent my Ex £50.

I have two kids with my ex, which he only sees once every 8 weeks or so. He arranges to get them and then cancels at the last minute, because he dosent have enough money. Hes never paid any sort of maintenance, and never phones them to ask how they are etc. Last time he saw them he promised my daughter, who is 5, that he would drop her some presents off on her birthday. Well her birthday came and went, not a phone call, not a card through the door, nothing. Also he's been on various drugs for years. He's stolen from his family members, and now dosent have any family left that are willing to have a relationship with him. My own relationship with him was absolutely awful, he was abusive, financially controlling, and the time I was with him was the worst of my life. He even stole my dad's wallet once. There's a lot more to it that I can't be bothered to go into. My sister knows all this.

And yet for some reason she really likes him. She's always sticking up for him and defending him. Two years ago he had a job and was paying £10 a week maintenance, and he rang my sister, crying his eyes out saying he couldn't afford it and asked her if she would have a word with me so I would phone the child maintenance service and cancel the payments. So she phoned me telling me how she felt so sorry for him and could I please stop the payments? Then He lost his job the same week.

So she sent me a message yesterday saying 'I've had to lend Ex £50 as he's starving'. I phoned her up and she said he'd been begging for food on snapchat. I'm more annoyed because I know how manipulating he is, and how he used to steal money off me for drugs etc. I told her I don't think he would have spent her money on food, and she dosent care. She told him she dosent even want the money back. I just don't know why she's so nice to him when not only did he make my life hell, he hardly botheres with his kids and couldn't give a toss about them.

For context my sister is early 30s, with no children. Ex and I are late 20s.

Would this annoy you? My sister says I'm being rediculous.

She is really undermining you. I would distance yourself from her.

Let her crack on but be clear that you dont want to hear about. As soon as she starts, change the subject and remind her of your boundaries. It's weird that she's developed her own relationship with someone treating you and your children so poorly. Dont let her martyr herself to you though.

I would tell her ‘well done for funding his drug habit, let’s hope your nieces aren’t with him when he’s on them or I will hold you responsible’

She either fancies him or it’s a strange competitive thing, common with sisters. Maybe she wants to feel super to you is suggesting that she knows him better than you?

Try to not discuss him?

I think she is doing it to wind you up. I would just refuse to engage with this. When she mentions it, ignore or just say something vague like "ok". I think it will be less cool and exciting giving him money when no-one cares about whether she does or not.

It's her money, she can give it to the useless twat if she likes.

Tell her you don't care and aren't interested in hearing about it, you've warned her and she is not to come whining to you when she finally figures out she's being taken for a fool.

She fancies him and wants to 'win' him to get one over you. Probably thinks she can fix him where you couldn't.

She's a moron.

@sonjadog I agree.
Op why does she even tell you. Just ignore her. If she cared about your dc she’d give the spare money to them.

Up to her what she does with her money. Send her a text to say you don't want to hear about her sending him money or visiting him etc.
If she can't manage it block her for a bit.

I'd send her a text back and say that it's up to her what she does with her money but that you have made it clear that you don't want to hear about your Ex. And that if she continues to boast about how much help she's giving him, then you will have no option but to block her.

she says she's looking out for the kids dad, and the kids will thank her for it when they are older!

Reading that makes my blood boil. Why would your DC be thankful to their aunt for funding the addiction that means their dad puts them last every time? I would be putting some serious distance between you if I were in your shoes OP, she is also not to be trusted with your DC because she cannot actually see how manipulative this man is, she is a very poor judge of character.

Very, very disloyal. I would be furious if my sister did this. Enabling a man who would let his own children - her niece/nephew - starve.

She's a fucking idiot and I would tell her how disloyal she's being to you and your children and would distance myself from her until she gets a modicum of sense in her silly, naïve head.

@ChuckleBuckles she rarely sees my DC so there's no need to worry that she can't be trusted with them really. I do agree though, I will definitely be distancing myself further. I'm pleased to know I'm not over reacting about this, I've been split up from this ex for 5 years and she continuously tries to help him/ be his mate. Bizzare.

She sounds very odd. I’d go with either fancying him or he’s shagged her.

Either way your not over reacting.

She’s either stupid or naive.

Neither of them see your kids so I would just let her crack on.

His drug habit won’t affect either of you directly, although perhaps she may see him out his tits in the street one day and realise where her cash went!

She sounds like she cares about him for whatever reason, prob as he’s a master manipulator. I’d feel sorry for her more than angry. She’s been sucked in like you once were. He’s clever. She’s not. She’ll find out the hard way, as you did. Sadly.

As a pp said, a fool and her money are easily parted.