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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Want to divorce DH and now we are on lockdown together.

33 replies

Safiyah2020 · 20/03/2020 22:18

I've been debating divorcing my husband for the past year and have finally come to the conclusion that I can not continue to stay in this marriage. I love him however I really can't stand him.

I told him I want a divorce, he doesn't. Is now sulking and can see he's very happy we are now in a lockdown and can see him using it as a way to punish me.

Just with cocky behaviour and being a twat.

We live abroad in his country and are in full lockdown with no flights currently running either.

How am I going to survive this! Help! Is anyone else in a similar situation?

OP posts:
Winterwoollies · 20/03/2020 22:42

Gosh, I thought this was going to be a lighthearted one. I’m so sorry, what s shit situation.

Distance yourself from him emotionally and physically as much as possible during the lockdown. Ride it out. And start making plans for when life returns a bit more to normal. Get your finances sorted as much as you can.

And don’t engage him on his dickish behaviour. Don’t rise to anything. Don't allow him to wind you up. All probably easier said than done.

HollowTalk · 20/03/2020 22:48

Is it just the two of you in the house?

Original poster
Safiyah2020 · 20/03/2020 22:52

My twin daughters aged 5 are with us too. He has another property he owns. So we agreed upon him coming here one day and then there 2 nights and then here a night etc.. So will make it a bit easier.

Yeah it's easier said than done because he knows how to push my buttons but I have to rise above it. I'm a freelancer and work is busy at the moment so can use this time to save.

OP posts:
Original poster
Safiyah2020 · 20/03/2020 22:53

I told him to just stay there full time.. But he refuses to saying this is his house too and we are not divorced yet. The kids aren't his they are from my previous relantionship. But he has a bond with them so he says he wants to be here for their sake, although that may be true I also know he is doing this just to also be difficult and probably in the hopes we will reconcile.

OP posts:
Wasail · 20/03/2020 22:55

I am nearly fully divorced from H and we are now stuck in the same house as selling would be impossible in this climate.
I am coping by developing very firm boundaries. I call him out on every single bit of shitty behaviour, everything I would have let slide for the sake of harmony I am now very firm on. It’s shit but I feel stronger now than I ever did when we were married.

Drpeppered · 20/03/2020 22:57

Me and ex-p broke up in January, but neither of us have been able to move out of the home we own together.

He now has a dry cough and so we both have to self isolate together for two weeks.

I’m probably going to commit murder.

iheartislesofwight · 20/03/2020 23:05

who the hell thinks op is bu ? sounds like hell to me.

Original poster
Safiyah2020 · 20/03/2020 23:35

Is bu? What does that mean?

Sorry to hear some of you are in the same position as me. It really sucks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Safiyah2020 · 20/03/2020 23:36

Oh sorry I see u mean being unreasonable... Thanks.. It really is hell! And its just the beginning. If I haven't learned patience in my life up to now, then I'm about to!

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Whatsmynextmove · 20/03/2020 23:39

I am in the same boat. I feel for you.
I have to work from home now with my 2 children and ex-p was due to move our next week. Unlikely this can go ahead. I have no wise words but wanted to let you know I sympathise. We are living separate lives under the same roof. I sit upstairs whilst he’s downstairs in the evenings and I just pray to god we don’t go into proper lockdown

Ibizafun · 20/03/2020 23:44

I was thinking the divorce rate would soar because of this. I am not in your situation but my dh is pushing me to the brink...

Original poster
Safiyah2020 · 20/03/2020 23:44

@whatsmynextmove - yes exactly like us in seperate rooms. We live in an apartment so even worse. And here it's official long down. Only thing I can thank is we never sold his apartment like we were planning to, so he split his time between there and here.

What I don't get is if you know someone doesn't want you, why would he be forcing me to spend 3 nights a week with him! It's bizarre!

I feel like deep down he must be hoping I will change my mind, which will never happen. But his dickish behaviour is not the way to go if he has that in his mind anyway like how can he honestly think that's the way to act.

I'm so sick of him. Honestly. The sight of him makes me cringe. And he's a good looking guy but all my feelings have gone all I can see his bad qualities. He is egotistical, hard headed and just overall hard work!!! I've just given up on the vision of a future for us, wish he would do the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
Safiyah2020 · 20/03/2020 23:47

What's he doing @ibziafun

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Original poster
Safiyah2020 · 20/03/2020 23:47

God my spelling is awful tonight. I'm tired.

@Ibizafun

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Ibizafun · 20/03/2020 23:53

Safiyah2020 he’s lost the plot.. every time I touch a door handle it sends him to scrub his hands.. follows around my adult dd to check she’s not contaminating anything (she’s not ill). This is so hard for all of us and I know he’s scared but we are SO careful and he’s sending my dd’s anxiety soaring she’s started using weed again and pulling out her eyelashes.. he needs to get a grip.

Original poster
Safiyah2020 · 20/03/2020 23:55

@ibizafun sorry to hear that.

Have you tried talking to him?

Ugh men are such insensitive idiots honestly. I think I'll grow old alone having spent most of my youth married.

OP posts:
Ibizafun · 21/03/2020 00:00

It’s cats for me all the waySmile he’s just terrified, had health anxiety before this but now!!!

You say you love him but you can’t stand him. Try and draw on that love (hard as it is) to get you through the next few months before you can leave. Just hang in thereFlowers

Original poster
Safiyah2020 · 21/03/2020 00:06

I really hope we aren't stuck like this for a few months. Honestly I feel so suffocated.

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Original poster
Safiyah2020 · 21/03/2020 00:06

It's very hard to draw on the love when he's acting like a spoilt teenager!

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T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 21/03/2020 00:06

I would suddenly start complaining about my throat feeling funny, giving the odd cough and counting down how long it take the prick to run for the front door.

mummmy2017 · 21/03/2020 00:25

Can I offer you the toilet technic
When he starts going off and you feel cross, tell him you need the loo and walk away.
Go sit on the loo till you calm down. Plan your thoughts. Do not restart the argument.
Found this work well,

Original poster
Safiyah2020 · 21/03/2020 01:09

Lol yeah I was thinking of saying that I wasn't feeling well next time he goes to the other apartment and tell him it's best to stay there till I'm better and long it out for a few weeks. It's not the same in this country though, if you have corona you have to call in so they can come and test you so I would be worried he would call them!

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Original poster
Safiyah2020 · 21/03/2020 01:10

@mummmy2017 I will try that thank you

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Coyoacan · 21/03/2020 01:50

Oh you poor things. I'm the opposite. My dd lost her job because of the virus and is as neurotic as all hell. She wants me to spend time with her and then finds everything I say extremely irritating. We don't live together and don't have lockdown here yet, but I've told her I'm self-isolating so that I can stay away from her without it turning into yet another argument.

Original poster
Safiyah2020 · 21/03/2020 02:10

I think that can be normal with mother daughter relantionships unfortunately. I love my mum but she drives me barmy.

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