Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend abroad ignored my message about coronavirus

43 replies

Stayingin91 · 20/03/2020 21:13

Have a friend who's currently in Australia teaching, but she's from the UK, and I read that travel bans are now in place there, so wanted to check she was OK.
I haven't spoken to her in ages but messaged to see if she was alright and if her family back here were, given the current circumstances.

Anyway, the message has been read and no reply. It's been 3 days and she's posting stuff on Facebook so can't be that 'busy' to send a quick reply.

I'm really hoping she just forgot, because in this sort of situation, if someone took the time to check I was OK, i'd think that was incredibly rude to not even reply no matter who it was, anyone else ?

I wouldn't be as bothered in everyday situations.

OP posts:
BodiesMakeForGoodFertiliser · 20/03/2020 21:15

What does "in ages" mean. Really depends on that imo

Original poster
Stayingin91 · 20/03/2020 21:16

About 6 weeks, maybe not that long, but I don't think that should matter really.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stayingin91 · 20/03/2020 21:17

I just think someone is decent enough to check you are ok in a time like this the least you could do is take 5 seconds to reply.

OP posts:
Firsttimelottie · 20/03/2020 21:18

Send her another message or give her a call? If this is out of character for your friend then she's probably just forgotten.

Original poster
Stayingin91 · 20/03/2020 21:19

I might send another msg, not really sure what to put on it though, maybe just, hey just wondering if you saw my message ?

OP posts:
msmith501 · 20/03/2020 21:22

I think because of covid-19 and the plethora of messages surrounding it, you may be reacting with a large does of insecurity / indecisiveness.... whereas your friend is maybe just doing the best they can following the Aussie bushfires etc. I'd relax and worry a lot less.

BodiesMakeForGoodFertiliser · 20/03/2020 21:41

I wondered if you will say like 2 years or something. Nah. This is rude. Or she opened it, something came up and then it slipped her mind. It happens to all of us

Ididit2019 · 20/03/2020 21:45

I agree it is rude. I've just had the same, the person will constantly reply several days later with sorry I forgot. This is the last time now I will bother to text her. I find it really ignorant.

saraclara · 20/03/2020 21:48

Why are you thinking that she did anything other than forget? She can't answer messages when she's teaching, so she probably meant to answer later and forgot.

arethereanyleftatall · 20/03/2020 21:50

I don't know op, I get over 300 WhatsApp messages every day. I miss some of them, even if they're 'read'.

CalleighDoodle · 20/03/2020 21:51

You quickly made it all about you, imo.

If id asked a stranded friend the same with no answer, id assume they were too stressed about it all to discuss it. You sound like you just want gossip. Why else would you be so annoyed?

LizzyButton · 20/03/2020 22:01

Your message was received. Done.

It would be nice to receive a reply, but there you go.

Some people do get overwhelmed, stressed and/or forgetful.

If you feel like messaging again, make it less about them. "Meanwhile Dan's come down with it, April has lost her job and we're down to three sheets of loo roll. Am thinking of you."

Sonichu · 20/03/2020 22:03

🙄

Caplin · 20/03/2020 22:07

FFS, I have been messaged by a couple of people now WFH and clearly with time on their hands. I want to write a fulsome reply, but frankly my world is on fire right now between work, home and disabled elderly parents urgently requiring care.

Guess what, I posted on FB last week, and I liked some stuff.

I just don’t have the headspace to respond right now.

This isn’t about you, you are massively overthinking this.

BillysMyBunny · 20/03/2020 22:10

It sounds like she just forgot which is easy enough to do at the best of times let alone when under stress and anxiety. She’s presumably on the other side of the world to most of her family and friends so I’m sure is worried and potentially also inundated with friends/family messaging her to keep contact and check she’s okay. Your message may have been missed or received when she was busy and consequently forgotten or she may just feel overwhelmed with replying to people. If you’re not that close she may have had to prioritise replying to close friends/ family.

It was nice and thoughtful of you to check in with her but there’s no need to assume the worst of her, you never know what’s going on in people’s lives or how busy they may be or how easy they find composing a message; I have social anxiety and find replying and composing to thoughtful messages really tricky and I often ruminate over them for days and then feel it’s too late to actually reply and will be awkward.

Maybe send a message again in a few days, or if you sent a very long/ deep message which would require a lot of thought and time to reply to maybe try just sending a meme or gif or photo or something lighthearted which may be easier and quicker for her to respond to.

Nitpickpicnic · 20/03/2020 22:10

If you’re really concerned about her, rather than just miffed about her not participating in the etiquette you expect, then cut her a break. True friendship means knowing you’ve possibly brightened her day with your message, then getting on with your life. Find someone else to chat to if you’re lonely.

Seems pretty predictable that responding to random ‘what’s up’ messages from friends far away is a fairly low priority for everyone right now. We’ve got scant days left before lockdown to organise our whole lives. Soon she’ll have nothing but time and internet access (hopefully).

PeytonManning · 20/03/2020 22:24

Lots of us are a little ahead on the curve than the UK and it's highly likely she read it, nodded to herself and then forgot to reply because life locked down kind of sucks.

Randomname85 · 20/03/2020 22:26

I don't know op, I get over 300 WhatsApp messages every day

Hmm
Richwitch · 20/03/2020 22:26

Maybe her world doesn't revolve around you. She's probably got a lot on her plate and has completely forgotten to reply. Get over yourself.

Randomname85 · 20/03/2020 22:27

It’s awful but honestly the amount of times I open a message and I’m in the middle of something and think ‘ooh must reply later’ and forget. If someone sends a second message obviously it jogs my memory and I respond. I think if you sent one message you’re being a bit paranoid perhaps.

finn1020 · 20/03/2020 22:30

If “ages” meant you hadn’t been in touch for 6 months I’d think you were after some gossip that you could share around to others about how she was going, and that you motive was not necessarily concern for her.

But 6 weeks - to me that’s not ages at all. I’d expect her to respond to you, maybe not straight away but within a few days.

Mittens030869 · 20/03/2020 22:35

Come on, you're massively overthinking this. I've had messages, thought 'that's nice, I must reply to that,' then there's been one of my DDs kicking off and I've forgotten about it. If you're only upset that she hasn't replied, then you're being a bit ridiculous. If, OTOH, you're worrying about her, then I wouldn't think it OTT to receive another message.

Cornishclio · 20/03/2020 22:58

I wouldn't think anything other than she must be busy. I would also think if she is posting on fb she is still alive and presumably not really unwell so leave it at that. I would not message her again though.

Butterfly98 · 20/03/2020 23:01

I get over 300 WhatsApp messages every day.

@arethereanyleftatall did you mean to type 30 messages a day instead?! If not I'm intrigued as to why you would receive that many messages daily!!

OhCrumbsWhereNow · 20/03/2020 23:10

If you use WhatsApp for work then 300 is easy in a day.

I work remotely as do all my team and probably get around 50-60 messages an hour for about 18 hours of the day.