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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Fallen out with family member

47 replies

Mycoronausername · 20/03/2020 12:56

Sorry it is coronavirus related!

So my great grandparents (76 and 78) rang last week to say they are self isolating. I'll call them GM and GD to save confusion. Wise idea I thought as GM has had some heart issues in the past. Anyway it turns out this was complete bollocks. They have been out EVERY DAY this week to shops etc. My parents own a restaurant and they have been leaflet dropping. I'm beyond past losing my patience with them. They are risking themselves and other people including their own grandchildren. It's like they can't see that their actions have consequences. They still keep saying they are isolating and being cautious when they clearly aren't. An hour ago my GM walked past my house ( I live about half hour walk from them ) carrying a coffee and some form of takeaway so they have clearly been out again. She waved at me and I did not wave back, she then tried to come up my drive but I called out the window that she couldn't come in as we are self isolating (dh has had a cough so being cautious). She then rang and said I was being ridiculous and that she is isolating too and being safe. I've said I don't want to hear any more rubbish and hung up on her. Wibu?

My auntie has since rang me and said GM is upset ? I frankly couldn't give a monkeys arse and won't be apologising for her being unable to follow basic advice.

Disclaimer- I am a healthcare professional, my husband has lost his job and his own father is currently in hospital fighting coronavirus so it is an emotive topic.

OP posts:

Stressedout10 · 20/03/2020 13:00

Do they actually understand what self isolating means?

Original poster

Mycoronausername · 20/03/2020 13:02

Yes they are more than aware they should be staying in the house but think they can take walks. In theory if they were just going for a walk and symptom free and not coming into contact with anyone I'd be a bit 🙄 but whatever. However they aren't just going out for a walk they are clearly going shopping, handing out leaflets, putting them through doors, they've been on a bus today apparently according to my nephew.

OP posts:

Sendallthegin · 20/03/2020 13:05

Yanbu. I’m having the exact same issue with my DM - she had a shock heart attack at the age of 55 just 6 weeks ago but it’s absolutely crucial that she get her roots done and a fucking manicure.

I’m terrified that I’ll be telling my kids they will never see her again, all because of vanity.

I sympathise OP.

Original poster

Mycoronausername · 20/03/2020 13:07

I'm waiting for that to be the next one, I usually take GM to get her hair done at the end of each month. I know her appointment is on the 23rd and I'm the only one who can take her. Presumably I'll be forgiven then but swiftly back in the bad books when I say I won't be facilitating that (especially as I am not leaving the house myself!)

OP posts:

iwanttoshakesomeppl · 20/03/2020 13:10

My auntie is the same with loads of underlaying health issues and she's still be used for childcare by my cousin. Even when the schools are closed they are expecting her to babysit!

Original poster

Mycoronausername · 20/03/2020 13:13

Might be an unpopular opinion but I sincerely hope we do go into lockdown soon.

OP posts:

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 20/03/2020 13:13

I really understand your frustration. My OH is in his 70s, luckily with no health issues, and we're doing our best to avoid all contact. We're not seeing family at all, which is devastating, but we are going out for a walk every day, as allowed in the guidelines, as long as we are symptom free.

Original poster

Mycoronausername · 20/03/2020 13:16

@onlyoneoftheregimentinstep that sounds sensible, I think walks when you know you aren't going to be in contact with others etc fine but that is sadly not what they are doing 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

Bakedbrie · 20/03/2020 13:31

Mmm. Sounds like they think self isolation is a frame of mind rather than any physical alterations to their everyday routine?

Original poster

Mycoronausername · 20/03/2020 13:41

@bakedbrie I think they are just refusing to accept that life is about to change hugely for us all. If my GM says one more time that they just went for a walk ignoring the visit to Iceland, Greggs and who knows where else I will scream.

OP posts:

saoirse31 · 20/03/2020 13:43

Tbf leaflet dropping could be fine once they're ensuring social distancing. Have you told them re your dfil? It sounds unbelievable tbh that she'd be so rude to you if she knows your father in law is seriously I'll in hospital with the virus.

wintermaiden · 20/03/2020 13:45

Great grandparents and they’re only 76/78?

Sorry I know that’s not the point of the thread but what age are you??

Apirateslifeforme · 20/03/2020 13:49

Same issues here with PILs and DF.
PILS are outraged H hasnt visited them. FIL sounds like a rustling paper bag as he breathes. I might die, without seeing you is his latest. I deserve to be visited by my only son when I'm Ill he says, who will care for your mum? (His mums in her 50s!)
DF, oh I'll pop over today. No you wont. You've been to the hospital, and were self isolating. Send DD to her room if shes self isolating. I can visit then.
No, were socially distancing even if not isolating.

Today, he calls. Pirate, I need milk and bread.
Me: so do i dad. I've called a farm shop who can deliver, but not milk or bread, they dont have any right now.
Dad, pirate I dont think you understand, I have no milk or bread at all. Can you look around for some for me.
Me, were in self isolation, I'm not allowed to go anywhere. I cant look around, remember I did say when I took you shopping to buy a few cartons of long life milk and part baked baguettes because this would happen?
Dad, I think you should be helping me. People are out there helping strangers, but I cant even have a cup of tea.

Its utter madness trying to deal with many people right now, but our parents take the biscuit right now

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 20/03/2020 13:53

Although they have said they are doing so, they don't need to self-isolate unless they have CV symptoms. However, they should be socially distancing themselves.

It does sound as if they truly do not understand what the terms actually mean and what they should and should not do. Perhaps you could explain the difference to them?

billy1966 · 20/03/2020 14:01

OP, I feel for you because this type of stupidity is going to cost lives.

All you can do is reiterate best practice and ensure they stay the hell away from you.

Things are still about 2 weeks away from the absolute reality of what is to come.

Our best chance is to just wash hands and isolate. Those that do this have a chance, those that don't are taking a huge chance with their life and those around them.

There are a lot of cases in the 30's that people don't seem to be getting.

I personally wouldn't waste my breath more than once with people who aren't following the rules....protect yourself and those you can.

The rest will have to accept the consequences of thinking they know better than the health professionals.

BusyBB · 20/03/2020 14:03

@wintermaiden that was my exact thought!

Walkerbean16 · 20/03/2020 14:04

You are nit really being unreasonable but if they do get ill do you really want to have fallen out with them?

Just apologise and say you are thinking of their health and they should stay inside.

Original poster

Mycoronausername · 20/03/2020 14:06

@wintermaiden haha I'm early 20s, mum had me at 16 and don't want to out myself but we are a complicated family (not all biologically related)

OP posts:

Original poster

Mycoronausername · 20/03/2020 14:08

Yes I don't want to fall out with them and then something happens to one of us but I am really struggling to ignore the behaviour. I almost feel like GM is goading me at this point.

OP posts:

Gran22 · 20/03/2020 14:13

We are in our seventies, DH has heart problems so is in the vulnerable group. I've stopped all my volunteering and socialising, although I did go to the supermarket very early this morning for essentials, like, bread, milk and picked up some veg at the same time.

None of our family live nearby, so I've told them not to visit, even though its Mothering Sunday and DD and DGD had planned to. I'd rather we all keep our distance. We'll catch up with the family eventually. DH and I plan to have a walk in the park early tomorrow, and will do some gardening whilst the weather is nice. Younger neighbours have offered to pick up shopping if necessary, so if we go into lockdown, we should be able to get some essentials. We're washing our hands lots, wiping surfaces with anti bac, and generally trying to follow the guidelines for our age group, and its not that difficult really.

Rosebel · 20/03/2020 14:13

My parents are the same and I'm actually terrified they're going to die. Both in their 70s but insist on going shopping, to the dentist.
My brother lives nearby and offered to go shopping for them but no they'd rather put themselves at risk. They won't even take advantage of early shopping because that's for old people.
Mum then tells me to be extra careful because I'm pregnant. Think she should lead by example.
So no you're not being unreasonable but don't fall out with them just in case and tell your parents not to let them deliver leaflets.

Orangeblossom78 · 20/03/2020 14:16

I wonder if some of them just don't get it? As in they don't understand they can catch it e/g/ from doors / surfaces etc..think if they are not in close contact they are ok or whatever (but they are with shop assistants etc)

having just the same with my dad in 70s, went to some hassle to arrange online shopping delivery for him. He is puzzled as to why have ordered food like tins, and is going out to the 'post office to pay a bill' which could have been charged to a direct debit if it had been mentioned, and trying to shake hands with his other elderly neighbours (being puzzled why they said not to) Argh

Jaxhog · 20/03/2020 14:19

I think walks when you know you aren't going to be in contact with others etc fine

Trouble is, that if everyone does it, they WILL be in contact with others. It's also indicative of a selfish, stupid 'devil may care' attitude, which will result in other people dying.

Enough4me · 20/03/2020 14:27

I'm self-isolating too OP as have symptoms, on day 3.

I bet the lockdown will happen just after I can get out, meaning my poor DC and I will be stuck in for a month because other people didn't take it seriously before!

chocolateandpinkgin · 20/03/2020 14:28

If they were just going for walks then fair enough but yes, sounds like they're not really following what 'self isolation' actually is! I'm wondering if this is a thing with the older generation at the moment? Over 70s have been clearly told to stay in but every time I venture out I see elderly people. My nan and grandad are the same - they've promised me they'll stay in but then my nan went to her hair appointment earlier this week and my grandad went out for petrol. PETROL ffs, he shouldn't need any seeing as he's meant to be staying in. They are in their 80s so it terrifies me, they don't seem to understand the seriousness of it.

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