To think DP is selfish and careless

[anxioussmum]

As he keeps taking daily trips to shops to pick up bits and bobs, the usual stuff (no ott toilet rolls etc), brief meet ups with his cousin and popping into his mums (who works in after school club). When I say daily, I mean DAILY.. and I am due in 3 days? So as it stands i'm in the vulnerable category.

Beginning to feel like there's no point me and my dd being stuck inside if he's continuously going in and out, mixing around others.
Sorry if this is a silly question, i'm stressed as it is and this is adding to it.. just want to feel calmer, but struggling

agreed. my DH agreed with me on monday that we would take our son out of nursery as I'm at home anyway and that we wouldn't see friends, family etc just visit supermarket etc and that very evening (he works away) he took himself out to the pub!! absolute knob, we are still arguing about it now he's home. unfortunately for him I'm a very black and white person when it comes to rules and i won't forget this.

@MerryDeath Thanks for the reply, reassuring that it's not just me then! It's a bit hard to forget considering the profound effect this stuff is having on everyday life for everyone right now
I do wonder if i'm being overly dramatic? But doing the complete opposite of what anyone is supposed to be doing,
going out when it's not necessary at all is not cool.

Even worse being HEAVILY pregnant.

When I've brought it up he's ignorant, i'm being "paranoid", we argue, he takes it all back.. then bloody does it again! I feel the stress is delaying labour, I want to have this baby so badly I've cried a few times lol

He’s an arsehole, carrying on as if its a normal day when all around people are being sensible and keeping away etc.

I presume all his family of idiots will descend to breath in your child once born? Sigh.

Breathe.

Breath on.

FFS stupid fat thumbs.

Breathe on

Third time lucky. I think I must be exhausted with all this stress!

You’re not being OTT, he’s being an idiot and sadly he’s putting us all at risk by not following the advice. Pretty soon we will be all be forced to stay inside as some people can’t follow rules

@Elieza LOL😂

On a serious note, it has crossed my mind that he better not think there will be any visitors anytime soon.. May cause problems but my children come first. Can't even see my own mum and doubt she could be there at the birth which is extremely sad for me

@Darbs76 my exact thoughts unfortunately. Really not trying to slag him off but I agree his ignorance is just going to contribute to this nightmare becoming longer-term. ☹️
Not sure why he believes he or anyone else think they're invincible or doing little harm. Stressss!!

DS has us locked down in the house where DiL is at 40+1! Every family member not under the roof has been asked to complete a week of social distancing before expecting to visit.

Your DH is recklessly endangering you and your baby. I'm really sorry. This is all stressful enough without being sabotaged by someone who is sworn to love and cherish you.

He will sing a different song when he loses someone close to him, but it will be too late then.

My 'D'P is in the 'it's only flu camp' I am so sick of hearing it from him I hope he gets it first

I don't understand this selfishness.

Do you know that in San Francisco, they're only allowing one person in the hospital with a birthing mother, and this after the threat of allowing zero visitors, with mothers having to give birth alone?

Across America, and indeed across much of the world, bars and restaurants are shut down with curbside pickup of food only?

That all after-school clubs have been cancelled in many states?

It's to keep people like you safe. How in the world could a partner and a parent not want to keep his love and his child as safe as the mayor of San Francisco or the governor of Ohio?

Fucking baffling.

@anxioussmum no i really don't think you are overreacting.
particular pregnant and at risk.. he could be bringing it home to you never mind any moral obligation to man kind. my DS2 was born early january and i wanted to murder DH under perfectly normal circumstances badly enough i can't even imagine how i would have lost my shit with him
had i been still full of baby!!!

Not overreacting at all op, but from what I’ve been reading tonight he’s there are a lot of selfish people still carrying on as normal. With you being in the vulnerable category as well he should really be listening to guidelines. I think some people are just not taking this seriously.

@MerryDeath I’m annoyed with him just reading it. Our local pub is packed, dp walks past every night coming home from work “XYZ are still going out drinking.”

Thank you all for your responses.

Definitely feel reassured i'm not going mad. Just had a good cry. I'm incredibly stressed, feel so alone. Just makes you wonder if someone really cares about you, and honestly it is the worst feeling ever, esp as it's not over a silly tiff but the world around us drastically changing within days!
I feel a bit stuck. He does care but unfortunately in the category of those who aren't taking it serious at all.
Regardless of the effects the virus has on your health, whether you catch it or not.. it's impacting us all inevitably in some way.

@MerryDeath congratulations!! Must of been scary with all of this going on. I don't know what to expect & it's terrifying ☹️ seeing your side, i'm thinking why on earth is he going to the pub when he's practically got a newborn! So yeah i'm not overreacting at all am I.

@NearlyGranny a week of social distancing before visitation sounds like a good idea! Kills me to think loved ones will have to keep away, for the best though. I agree it would probably take the worst situation out of this for the realisation to hit.

In Australia no one except the support partner of the woman giving birth is allowed in the hospital. Siblings aren't even allowed to visit. Yanbu at all.

@Idontownatoiletpapermountain i'm worried even more that he'll end up picking something up on his ventures and then won't be allowed with me, nor will I want him there! My mum has a dry cough so i'd be alone.

OK, so I'm 2 weeks away from giving birth myself. I'm social distancing, not fully isolating. My partner is still working, he's under the key worker category as a courier, and classed as high risk. We can't afford for him to be off work and on ssp until we absolutely have to, so far our area isn't too badly affected, so carrying on as normal and playing it by ear.

I honestly don't see a problem with what your dp is doing, as long as he is practicing some form of distancing while he's out and about. I think it depends on how badly affected your local area is more than anything, if you're area is like London with loads of confirmed cases then the situation will be different, but if you're area is alot more sparsely populated and less affected then it's not as big a deal if that makes sense. New borns bont seem to be as affected as older people, and recover quickly, if you plan on breastfeeding then your milk will help keep up your baby's immune system with the antibodies they'll need, also you can still feed if you're ill yourself.

@chipmunkcalling yeah I agree it wouldn't be so bad but i'm directly in London. There has been a confirmed death on Tuesday in the hospital I'm going to give birth in, as well as 50 confirmed cases in the area.

I don't feel he's appropriately distancing when he is unnecessarily meeting up with cousins and going to multiple shops everyday when we don't need anything, thankfully.
It's a bit too close to home, although the risk may not be seen to be that great, i'd rather not be a part of the statistic anyway. I have elderly grandparents I am close too, one that would not make it if he caught the disease.

We've had a death at the hospital I'm due to give birth in too, and the next closest hospital, both within hours of each other. And I understand about grandparents too, I have 1 remaining nan who I don't think would come out the other end if she caught it. My dp's step dad definitely wouldn't, and he's been medically suspended from work, he works in the NHS. So I get the not wanting to be part of the statistics. Tbh men are stubborn arses alot of the time, so I think all you can do is make sure he's washing his hands and following hygiene guidelines. You can't make him quarantine himself if he doesn't want to. And possibly tell him to sleep on the sofa/distance himself from you at least until after baby's here, he might learn his lesson after a few nights on the sofa.

He's being a complete ass, and anyone who thinks they're safe just because they're not in an area that isn't affected yet is a fool. This virus moves very quickly.

It’s people like your DP why I’m in fear for my life.
My dad, and ex-ishH are also in the ‘whatever happens happens’ camp. I’m on the vulnerable list, and the thought of suffocating to death is fucking terrifying.
I would honestly be telling him that he needs to live elsewhere if he cares so little for your safety.

Personally I wouldn't be allowing him there now, during the birth. I know that must be a horrific thought for you, but you have to put you & your baby's health first!

Also, with regards to visitors, can you get family to come to an easily accessible window of your house in order to briefly 'see' the baby? I know it's not the same, but I'm sure it would mean the world to your Mum/MIL etc?

Yanbu. My DH keeps arguing to go to the gym. What is the point of me and my DS social distancing if he's going to swan about doing whatever he wants. He thinks it won't affect him. I think it's likely to kill his mother and uncle.

Tried to explain exactly how germs pass "it's not just people, it's the things they all touch on the way, as they go about their lives, assuming that their immune system is fine, and that people are over reacting "

This is why we will end up on a complete lockdown, because people don't think the advice means them, rules are for other people.

@HavenDilemma thanks for the suggestions. I live in a flat that isn't even on the ground floor so that wouldn't be possible, thinking FaceTime will have to do. I've actually been told if it gets so bad in the near future then the hospital won't allow anyone in there anyway, will have to be alone. I'm so uneasy 😩

@PennyArrowBar I understand how you're feeling 100%. Feels pointless being cooped up inside if someone else is going to go out and bring germs in the house. You can practice the best cleanliness, other peoples on the other hand.. very questionable

Like PP said, unfortunately it may take something bad to come out of this situation for some to realise. I hope and I pray it doesn't get to that. I just want to slap sense into people! It's selfish purely because they aren't thinking about anyone else around them. At this point, my mental health is being affected increasingly each day.. I know it's not just me either.
I'm not okay, really want to have my baby and be safe at home with him. 💔