To think DP is selfish and careless

[anxioussmum]

As he keeps taking daily trips to shops to pick up bits and bobs, the usual stuff (no ott toilet rolls etc), brief meet ups with his cousin and popping into his mums (who works in after school club). When I say daily, I mean DAILY.. and I am due in 3 days? So as it stands i'm in the vulnerable category.

Beginning to feel like there's no point me and my dd being stuck inside if he's continuously going in and out, mixing around others.
Sorry if this is a silly question, i'm stressed as it is and this is adding to it.. just want to feel calmer, but struggling

I’m going through the same thing OP! I’m so sorry to hear your DP is being selfish and isn’t putting the health of you and your baby first

It only became real today to my DH when FIL arrived to take him to work and I said that if FIL still has a cough then DH will have to stay at PILs until after the birth of our child. Thus, missing the birth of his own child. He never shows much emotion but he looked like he was going to cry and cry hard. He still went to work though! Non-essential contractor work like decorating and gardening.

I am self isolating so much so that our 4yo DD has been staying with my parents (late 40s and healthy) as she was still in full time pre-school. I doubt I will be able to see her in person for a month or two. I told DH that him going to work and going in and out of random people’s homes is making every precaution I’m taking essentially pointless. I said I might as well walk into our local Tesco and start licking the self checkout screens! Bloody idiot. I told him that he needs to make some choices from Monday onwards as my life and our unborn baby’s life is more important than someone’s plastering or landscaping.

Scare him. Tell him he won’t be able to remain in the home if he continues. Tell him he won’t be allowed at the birth and won’t be able to meet his child until he takes things seriously. It’s the only way I’ve managed to get through to my DH. I hope it gets better for you!

@starrysimon thanks for sharing. It is some what comforting to know i'm not alone in this. That must be so hard staying away from your DD. Even that in itself should show him that this is no joke, but i'm glad that he must be realising it now and hopefully taking the right precautions to protect you??

Im with you 100%, really might as well go licking the check out screens and shaking everyone's hands! Don't think people realise it's gonna be ongoing for months and there's no hard evidence to tell how it can effect anyone, any age, healthy or not. Let alone pregnant women. Let alone the effects of all aspects of life

I hate to be saying this.. but my DP is a very hard faced stubborn person likewise but the difference is I have just told him (as he was getting ready to go on his daily ventures) that he will have to stay away if he keeps this up.

I didn't get much other than a 'whatever, you're being dumb, I don't really care' now he's going to go stay at his mums, so that sums it up hey.
It's hurtful but I take comfort knowing i'm doing the best I can by my kids and self.
Mentally preparing to be giving birth alone now. Scared shitless as my first was rather eventful. Wanted it to be so different this time, gotta suck it up, keep calm and carry on. Hope it gets better for you too

OP I’m so sorry he’s being an arse. No wonder you’re upset and worried. Hope he reckons going to the shops and his pals was worth it. Sigh. Perhaps his mum will talk some sense into him and he’ll be more sensible. Sounds like a man child. You look after yourself

Jesus. Why are you even with him

I think you've done he right thing OP. Our family with young kids are preparing for life in our house and garden for the next few weeks / months and its unfair if people like us are giving up everything while others think they can carry on completely as normal. It's a bit like those that don't vaccinate because they dont want the inconvenience or the tiny risk to themselves but are happy for everyone else to so they benefit from herd immunity. Selfish at best, could kill people at worst. He isn't the only one though, the parking was about three quarters full at our local shops and I expected it to be deserted

I’m sad for you I am 18 weeks pregnant and my husband is only going to the shop once a week or if he MUST and he’s wearing gloves and a mask. He is absolutely petrified of me or our toddler getting it.

However I think it’s safe to say not that many people have really had it sink in yet. I’m not making excuses but I wouldn’t think he’s enjoying playing roulette with your life he probably just can’t believe (like many others) the seriousness of it as it is completely new territory.

Hugs to you

I appreciate all the messages deeply. Thank you all

My DH thinks I’m panicking and over reacting. He’s got respiratory problems . Presently coughing , still working and visited his mom today. I warned him not to touch her. Not worried about her just worried what he’ll bring back to us. His hand washing is less than five seconds. If we go on lockdown we’ll be divorced lol

@damnitnotlistening wow. He should really be talking it seriously, it is a bit hard to come to terms with for us all understandably but it's real. He's vulnerable! He'll listen when it's too late, seeing how people take to life changing events is very enlightening

I couldn’t agree more and I’m so surprised. He really is the most amazing dad and husband but somehow he’s just not getting How serious this is.

One of my friends has said she's self-isolating from today because her son is coming to stay with her as his estranged wife who still lives in the same house as him may have got it. She's 68, her husband is 73.

I agree. Maybe you can ask him to limit his time going out because, like you said, your vulnerable. Also, tell him he is at risk getting it or spreading it to you, your daughter, family and friends.

He really is being very selfish isnt he. Its a stressful enough time waiting to give birth let alone in these mad times. He should be supporting you 100% even to the point of humouring you if he thinks its all guff. What a knob.
I hope you'll be OK OP. I think were all behind you.

@anxioussmum Wow. Is his Mum over 70 too?!

PLEASE do NOT allow him in the hospital. I know it must be terrifying and you feel like you need him there, but it's not worth the risk. Even if baby doesn't catch anything, at the very least, you could end up in bed shaking with a fever, unable to hold your own baby if he passes something on to you; that, in my opinion, would be a hell of a lot worse than having to give birth without my partner. Those first two weeks at home are so important for bonding.

Fingers crossed for an easy, uneventful & virus free birthing experience

@damnitnotlistening I'm sure he is, it's a surreal situation but I hope he comes around sooner than later for your family's sake!

@JigsawsAreInPieces that's worrying, he is better off staying there.

@alaiafaith he has come to his senses and has been staying in, I've had him on the sofa though. Can't quite get over his attitude the past week but hoping all will be ok in regards to our health

@humblesims @HavenDilemma his mum isn't over 70 but definitely getting on. It is truly frightening bringing a baby into all of this mess, support is definitely needed. I feel so alone already so mentally preparing to possibly be alone during the birth shouldn't be too tough.

I know it is all for the best, I wouldn't dare dream of being ill at this time and having to take care of/risk the health of my newborn. I agree the first few weeks are sooo crucial.

Thanks all for the supportive messages, it really means a lot to me right now. Nice to know i'm not all that alone as I feel.