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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding this weekend

45 replies

Wibblewobble03 · 19/03/2020 08:56

Please be kind. I am feeling so torn and guilt ridden at the moment. I am due to attend a wedding this weekend and I really dont want to go.

I feel guilty for not going and supporting the groom / his family. However, I dont want to travel, to stay anywhere but my house, to mix with people etc.

The couple have tried to postpone but the venue have refused and they are set to lose a lot of money. I am hoping they cancel anyway but its leaving it rather late and people will begin their journeys soon.

I'm not sure what my AIBU is, just that I'm annoyed that we are following the rules so much. I'm worried about the repercussions for not going I guess, will it lead to fractured relationship with the couple in the future or the guilt for them having a lot of non attendees and me being one of them.

OP posts:
Toohardtofindaproperusername · 19/03/2020 08:59

Irresponsible to go. Social distancing is for everyone. Not just you. Frame it in thsie terms ...
They can get married.... and you can celebrate when safe to do so. Not now. Its not safe for anyone to meet and gather and spread the virus.

HasaDigaEebowai · 19/03/2020 09:00

Don't be bonkers. Social distancing doesn't mean going to a wedding. its a shame for them but its more of a shame for the people who might die

ShanghaiDiva · 19/03/2020 09:02

Do not go.
Social distancing means stay at home as much as possible apart from essential trips to the supermarket, pharmacy or if you are a key worker.
Frankly, if there are any repercussions from this it will be proof that people fail to understand how serious this situation is.

CherryPavlova · 19/03/2020 09:03

No, you shouldn’t go. Large gatherings inside are irresponsible regardless of money involved. Won’t their insurance pay out to allow a much more proportionate wedding service?

AdoptAdaptImprove · 19/03/2020 09:03

Nobody should be doing anything which is non-essential and brings you in contact with others - that is very clear from all communications from the government. There is no situation in which a wedding can be considered essential. I can’t imagine registrars, who need to keep well to register all the deaths which will happen from the spread of Covid 19, will be making themselves available to officiate. I cannot believe how many people are still not taking this seriously. People like this are proving that the population can’t be trusted to do as they’re asked, so we’ll all shortly have to suffer a full lockdown as a result. Wedding insurance will surely pay out given we have a pandemic.

Duchessofblandings · 19/03/2020 09:04

No. This applies to everyone.

TeaMilkNoSugarThanks · 19/03/2020 09:04

This is what wedding insurance is for, sadly.

Inforthelonghaul · 19/03/2020 09:10

It’s sadly an unnecessary social gathering so make your apologies. It’s a shame but lots of things are being cancelled so that’s that.

Original poster
Wibblewobble03 · 19/03/2020 09:17

Hi All

Apologies should have made it clearer that we arent going but I've had a sleepless restless night feeling guilty for not going. Just feeling overly emotional I guess.

I'm angry at the venue for not cancelling or allowing a postponement, the couple do have wedding insurance but it doesnt support the current situation.

I guess I'm just feeling very emotional and frustrated that as individuals we are following the rules etc but organisations / venues are putting people in difficult situations by making them choose / still have an option.

I'm not talking much sense, rationing our tea bags as we only have 10 left and just wanted someone to vent to :)

OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 19/03/2020 09:19

Wedding insurance will not pay out until the government ban social events sadly.

dottiedodah · 19/03/2020 09:42

This is a catch 22 situation really .Go and you risk infection .Dont go and you are effectively saying to your friends you cannot attend their wedding .Surely given the current circumstances they will understand ?It is a desperate situation of which we have never know the like before

Kisskiss · 19/03/2020 09:48

Don’t feel guilty. Not going is the socially responsible thing to do!
It’s sad and stressful for the couple for multiple reasons but most people will understand your choice to stay away.. if they don’t then too bad, because that would actually be unreasonable

Iwalkinmyclothing · 19/03/2020 09:49

I'm glad you're not going and I know what you mean about the guilt; I am sure your friends are decent people though and will get it.

TheTrollFairy · 19/03/2020 09:53

It’s really hard, and the venue is in such a horrible time at the moment. They will not get payment if they aren’t officially closed so companies are trying to navigate through what’s best between health and ensuring that there is a company/business when this all blows over.
Doesn’t help the wedding couple or their friends though.

Littletabbyocelot · 19/03/2020 10:02

You're doing the right thing so please don't feel guilty. A dear friend is having to go this weekend to say goodbye to his mother, she won't be allowed visitors after this and is unlikely to be around in 4 months time (even without coronavirus). We're wondering how long we'll be able to visit my terminally ill mother in law, 300 miles away. Her grandchildren certainly wont see her again. Everyone has their own personal heartbreak right now. I'd allow your friends to grieve this weekend and maybe let them be a little grumpy but if on reflection they don't realise a) it was not fair to ask people to meet up when social distancing is to save lives and b) we can't fall out over things like this right now, then I'd question whether they were worth being friends with.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 19/03/2020 10:20

I would frame this as social distancing...

It's the socially responsible thing to do...

If people get unpleasant.... They need to give their head a wobble..... So of everyone goes..... In any large group there will be people asymptomatic and infectious...

How would they feel if an vulnerable person caught it and died /seriously ill as result??

ShellsAndSunrises · 19/03/2020 10:23

Wedding insurance will not pay out until the government ban social events sadly.

I don’t believe any UK wedding insurance will cover that, they all exclude government acts such as banning gatherings and self isolating.

opticaldelusion · 19/03/2020 10:25

Lots of things are being exposed at the moment, not least that our insurance market is pretty much a complete racket.

HaddawayAndShite · 19/03/2020 10:31

I don’t believe any UK wedding insurance will cover that, they all exclude government acts such as banning gatherings and self isolating.
We have wedding insurance with John Lewis and they have stated they “would provide cover if the venue was closed by relevant authorities.” Read into that what you will lol.

I’m supposed to be getting married in June but thinking about postponing. I wouldn’t be angry any anyone who dropped out in June let alone now. I understand it’s difficult for the bride and groom but if they don’t understand they’re idiots to be honest. You’re doing the right thing not going.

SanFranBear · 19/03/2020 10:34

our insurance market is pretty much a complete racket

That's really unfair - we are in unprecedented crimes and insurance policies have had 'Acts of God' exclusions since their inception. If you look at the stock market, you'll see that most insurers are just as fucked as other big businesses. It's easy to blame others for this but, let's face it, no-one could've predicted what we're currently seeing.. yes, an epidemic but a global pandemic, very different!

Sunshinedelight1287 · 19/03/2020 10:38

If you feel emotional, imagine how the bide feels.

I had to make the decision to cancel my wedding reception this weekend (thankfully we married abroad a few weeks ago before everything really hit!).

The bride and groom will fully be expecting cancellations. I think it would be fair to tell a white lie in this case and explain you are self isolating due to cough symptoms. It will definitely make them feel better.

Please don't feel guilty for being sensible.

Jaxhog · 19/03/2020 10:46

its a shame for them but its more of a shame for the people who might die

That's the point really.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/03/2020 10:56

As it stands it is advise not a rule. And venues are currently open. Now I get this is a tough one, and I get you can't put a price on life, but I also can't imagine losing the cost of a wedding that I may have saved years for. Its a horrible situation for all concerned and of course there are going to be a lot of emotions involved. It's very easy to sit back and say don't go cancel etc, but when its your feelings, your money, something that you may have looked forward to and wanted, saved hard for its much much harder and of course you will think about going ahead

FortunesFavour · 19/03/2020 16:21

I feel for you, and for the bride and groom. Don’t feel guilty, you made the responsible choice.

I’m facing a similar but even sadder dilemma. Partner’s mum very sadly passed away just before virus hit in U.K. Funeral and wake are next Friday in another part of the country (we’re in London).

It would be daft and irresponsible for us to go to a crowd event, albeit a v sad and sombre one. Not to mention the risk of accidentally spreading the bug more outside CV ridden London. Should not go.

But how can I possibly not support my grieving DP at the funeral of his dear old mum?

DP and his family don’t really seem to be grasping or discussing the CV risk involved - can’t really blame them, they are grieving and bereft so taking little notice of the wider world right now.

But I can appreciate the risk, growing each day, that plans will have to change or be curtailed so as not to expose ourselves to unnecessary risk and to protect others from the risk we might pose. (No symptoms or anything and staying indoors, but our borough has a lot of cases).

I need to push this subject with DP and his family, but in doing so I’ll probably come off as insensitive or sticking my nose in and I worry I’ll damage relationships.

To be clear, DP and all his family are lovely, they are considerate and kind, just buried in grief and so very distracted.

Feel bad even typing this problem as it’s piffling in the grand scale of this whole CV nightmare. But it is really tricky.

justmyview · 19/03/2020 16:28

You have made absolutely the right decision cancelling your attendance at the wedding. I think it's awful that people are still holding weddings and pressuring people to attend

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