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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding this weekend

45 replies

Wibblewobble03 · 19/03/2020 08:56

Please be kind. I am feeling so torn and guilt ridden at the moment. I am due to attend a wedding this weekend and I really dont want to go.

I feel guilty for not going and supporting the groom / his family. However, I dont want to travel, to stay anywhere but my house, to mix with people etc.

The couple have tried to postpone but the venue have refused and they are set to lose a lot of money. I am hoping they cancel anyway but its leaving it rather late and people will begin their journeys soon.

I'm not sure what my AIBU is, just that I'm annoyed that we are following the rules so much. I'm worried about the repercussions for not going I guess, will it lead to fractured relationship with the couple in the future or the guilt for them having a lot of non attendees and me being one of them.

OP posts:

ffswhatnext · 19/03/2020 16:35

Try not to feel guilty. It sounds like the bride and groom will understand. They wouldn’t have tried postponing it otherwise. They will know it might just be them and a couple of staff as witnesses.

It’s a shame the place aren’t willing to budge. I know it’s hard for them. But once this is over, people will remember companies that have been flexible, and places like this might find they have fucked up future bookings.

MauriceandAlec · 19/03/2020 16:40

It's sad but you made the right call. This is why we need lockdown, people will not or cannot stop going out and will continue to vector the virus as a result. The Church of England will still perform weddings and funerals, but just not with throngs of folks there so they can still legally marry if they are having a CoE ceremony.

Sickandscared · 19/03/2020 17:05

Don't feel guilty, it is a huge shame but you are doing the right thing.

BlythesEyes · 19/03/2020 17:10

We've just told our family we are not attending their wedding this weekend. The fallout is still happening. We feel really bad, and have been subjected to abuse from them. Tensions are high and we've not said anything further as we feel so bad. The rest of the family are in denial that we shouldn't congregate, and are continuing as normal. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, but don't think we can go back now. I fear a family divide and long standing repercussions.

LittleYorkshireLass · 19/03/2020 17:11

@Wibblewobble03 YANBU.

I do feel very sorry for people who have weddings planned. Or big holidays or anything really. Multiple 1000s lost on holidays, several 10s of 1000s for some weddings, and potentially multiple 10s of 1000s lost in house values for people.

Awful times really.

Duchessofblandings · 19/03/2020 17:58

The decision has been made for a lot of people. Announced on PM that Church of England weddings are restricted now to 5 people, including the couple and the vicar.

BlueChangling · 19/03/2020 18:08

Im in the same boat, family members wedding is in two weeks - two hour drive outside the city. Seven of us guests where to share a house so we don't have to drive home on the same day.

One has dropped out, three want to drop out and the other three are adament that the others are being stupid and should just go.

Bride and Groom have put the word out that everything is still going ahead. It's really just feels like we're in limbo

Theonewiththecandles · 19/03/2020 18:08

It's heartbreaking.
A friend is having a wedding party next week and we have said we aren't going as we don't drive and don't want more public transport than necessary. They married a few months ago and I would feel different if it was the actual wedding but this is the party, the venue have close and they could choose to reschedule but instead are having a party at their house.

Our own actual wedding is in May and cannot afford to cancel if the venue isn't closed or doesn't allow postponement so will be going ahead, and completely understand if it ends up only being a few people that come, we just cannot afford to lose thousands!

KittyJune · 19/03/2020 18:22

It would be OUTRAGEOUSLY selfish to go and I personally think it should be fully illegal to gatherings (even smallish ones) like it is in other countries. Disgustingly seflish to even consider going at this time. You could literally spread a virus which could kill people.

Throckmorton · 19/03/2020 18:24

You are doing the right thing staying away. If the transmission rate of the virus isn't dramatically slowed by people social distancing, people will die because there is not enough medical support to keep them alive. People who would have survived if the medical support they needed was available and not overwhelmed

SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 19/03/2020 18:29

Don’t feel guilty. Send them a card and, if you’re close enough, promise to throw them a party or take them out to dinner when normality returns.

I had to cancel my wedding this weekend. Thankfully my venue and insurer have been excellent. How absolutely awful for your friends :(

SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 19/03/2020 18:30

@Theonewiththecandles your friends are unbelievable.

Theonewiththecandles · 19/03/2020 18:34

@seasonallysnowypeasant unfortunately, she is meant to be me best friend, my one and only bridesmaid and simply removed me from the WhatsApp group without a single word when I said we aren't going. Really upset she may have fallen out with me over this

radioband · 19/03/2020 18:37

I have the same dilemma for one next weekend. I'm keeping my fingers crossed it will be cancelled as I feel it will jeopardise my friendship if I don't go. I feel the whole day will be awful as it will be overlooked by talk of Coronavirus and people wanting to keep their distance from each other.

PriscillaPresley · 19/03/2020 22:02

If it makes you feel better OP could you tell a white lie and say you or a family member have developed symptoms and therefore need to self isolate. They can't get annoyed about that, surely?

OrchidJewel · 19/03/2020 23:25

Lots of weddings cancelled in Ireland. One bride I know said people were contacting her saying they weren't going. It was a waiting game then for bride or hotel to cancel. Anyway eventually hotel contact her and they put forward her wedding.

So if I was you tell her your not going, it's easier, she has more clout

WonderWomble · 20/03/2020 07:55

I'm in the same position and have said we're not going to a family wedding this weekend. Logically I know it's the right decision but I feel terrible about it and really sad for them. The immediate family dont seem to have recognised that there is any reason to delay and some close relatives are being pressurised to attend. The fall out if anyone does get sick is going to be horrific.

Kisskiss · 20/03/2020 08:37

@Theonewiththecandles your friebds shouldn’t really do that party , you’re right not to attend.
However I imagine she would be more understanding about your ‘decline’ if you were at all considering cancelling your own, but it sounds like you are 100% going ahead yourself

BlythesEyes · 20/03/2020 17:27

Not sure if today's announcement will affect wedding venues .....?

BlueChangling · 20/03/2020 18:45

The one I was due to attend is now postponed until September.

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