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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask: WFM with children

30 replies

Librazebra · 19/03/2020 07:49

Sorry if there is already a thread about this!
Those of us who are lone parents, or parents who have had to isolate away from their other halves, basically any parent who is alone in the house right now (or even if your other half has left you with the caring responsibilities whilst he/she WFM too) with their children coming home tomorrow indefinitely but who still have to work from home- how on earth do we do this? DD isn't able to entertain herself, she is 3 and quite loud, won't sit through a 9-5 day colouring and watching television. I'm also a student so both WFM and attending online lectures and have an assignment to write. Half glad to have her back, half dreading how I'm going to get anything done 😂
Preparing to work around this but how? What is everyone else doing?

I am not after advice on how to wriggle out of my work and uni. I don't want to, nor do I have a choice nor can I be in a position where I am unable to pay bills, and having to retake a year.

OP posts:

After8itsgrownuptime · 19/03/2020 07:58

I have an out of office on, saying I am working but am also looking after 2 children, so will be slower to reply to emails and may not make all my conference calls. My Italian and Spanish teams are doing the same and I think that’s perfectly acceptable. Personally, I would speak to your university and see what they suggest. Given the circumstances, they might give you an extension on your deadlines so you can manage your workload better (not a dodge but a sensible approach given how busy all working parents are going to be).

Original poster

Librazebra · 19/03/2020 08:17

@After8itsgrownuptime thank you. I've been avoiding emailing uni as I imagine they're snowed under but I think I have to now.

I also do not have enough food in for DD, she always ate 3 meals at the childminders Monday to Friday. Can't get a foodshop until week after next when delivery slots open up (don't drive). Give me strength.... A week ago, this just wasn't happening. Anyone else feel like it's escalated so quickly?

OP posts:

Original poster

Librazebra · 19/03/2020 08:26

Sorry Ive put WFM as in 'work from mine', force of habit, meant WFH can mumsnet change the title/post for me

OP posts:

SunshineAvenue · 19/03/2020 08:32

I would like to think that people are going to be approaching their everyday lives with more empathy and understanding. This effects the whole world, there's no escaping that. People have to be more patient surely? You can only do the best you can do.

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 19/03/2020 08:47

My DH's employer, a multi-national, have instructed everyone to work from home and have boosted bandwidth and added server capacity to enable them to do so.

A colleague is now asking what she she should do as she has an 8-year old child that she intends to home-school and so won't be able to work!

If she doesn't work then my DH will have to pick up her work which he would not have the time to do unless he works twice as many hours with no additional pay. They have already cut staff to the bone.

I know it is difficult but the company have made it possible for everyone to work from home and I think she should do so and fit in home-schooling around her normal working hours and at weekends. I think she's a CF.

dameofdilemma · 19/03/2020 08:56

NotEverythings post says it all really.

People have kids. People put childcare in place for kids. Drastic events happen that mean that’s no longer possible.
Seething resentment for work colleagues helps no one.

Write an official letter of compliant to your line manager and HR dept if you have to, explaining your resentments. (So they can all see how you really feel).

Many parents I know have offered to take unpaid leave but their employers would rather have them able to respond to emails and calls when they can.
Many will be working late after their kids have gone to bed.
Many will be struggling on.
Many will be supported by colleagues who have empathy.

Sh05 · 19/03/2020 09:32

I suppose you will have to restructure your working hours around 3 yr old. Does she nap at all? What time does she wake up and go to bed. Not ideal and probably not enough but a start anyway.

HillAreas · 19/03/2020 09:33

Noteverythingisblackandwhite but apparently this is! Her DHs work colleague should just shove her 8 year old back up her fanny until all this is over and it’s convenient to have responsibilities other than work again

ShouldIStaySelfIsolated · 19/03/2020 09:39

I get Noteverything 's point... there is a difference between having to organise your day between work and your child, and insisting that you can no longer work because you are home schooling. In that case, ask for leave

pinkyredrose · 19/03/2020 09:47

If she can't work because of home schooling she needs to leave or the company needs to fire her, she isn't able to perform her duties.

Original poster

Librazebra · 19/03/2020 09:53

@Sh05 she doesn't nap, but she does have quieter periods of the day. She's very very nearly 4 so has some degree of understanding that things are very odd! Wakes up at 7, we start bedtime at 7 ends up around 8 though.

Small update: Nextdoor's teenager has offered to intermittently babysit in exchange for use of my spare laptop for her school work. Neighbours pulling together. None of us are an at risk group so I'm assuming this is fine to do?

OP posts:

Sceptre86 · 19/03/2020 10:03

Great news about the babysitting and I would take her up on the offer. My dh is wfh and will have our two toddlers (3 and 2 years old) at least two days a week to take care of. He is going to speak to his boss and then blank out bits of his diary for lunch time. Hopefully they will be understanding of kids noise on conference calls as a lot of other parents will be in the same position.

I work in healthcare and can't take time off for childcare at the moment without putting an ever increasing burden on colleagues. I only work part time anyway so we should be able to manage as dh can work longer days when I am home with the kids.

I hope everything goes well for you!

Internshipquestion · 19/03/2020 11:34

Hi,
I am a student too and a just explained that I had no childcare so it will take me longer to do essays etc and they've given me extension deadlines, so maybe you could email your lecturers etc? i'm sure they will be understanding!

MidsomerMum · 19/03/2020 11:54

Unless we do go into lockdown and DH is also off, I’m going to tell work I’ll be working 6am-8am 9am - 12.30pm (Whilst DD has online learning) and then afternoons I’ll have to play by ear but will have computer on so people can contact me.

I can’t see any other way to do it and ensure DD doesn’t go stir crazy.

Original poster

Librazebra · 19/03/2020 12:13

@Internshipquestion I will do thay today thanks. I guess I've been a bit worried they'd say no, have never had to apply for an extension before. But I'm sure lots of people will be needing extensions so I won't be alone

OP posts:

Original poster

Librazebra · 19/03/2020 12:14

*that not thay. Clearly being stuck at home is affecting my spelling ability

OP posts:

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 19/03/2020 12:24

This colleague doesn't normally home-school her child. She has decided that as the schools are going to close then that is what she is going to do (full time so she will have no time to do her work).

I think most responsible parents would work any home-schooling around the job their employers pay them to do. She will be receiving her pay as usual so should surely be expected to work somewhere in the ballpark of her usual hours.

She will be saving time in not having to travel to and from work so could surely teach her child before and after school and at lunchtime and weekends?

NorthernLass75 · 19/03/2020 12:34

Not in the same situation as you, OP, but really feel for you.

I work for a big company that provides a critical service. All 3,500 staff who can work from home are doing so.

Yesterday our CEO told all staff that he doesn’t want to hear anyone apologising for the voices of their kids interrupting conference calls, or dogs barking in the background. Very sensible approach knowing that life goes on, and lots of us are working around our families, and our kitchen tables.
Staff are also able to work with their managers to agree working hours on a more flexible basis. 9am-5pm works for me, but I’ve been doing 9am-3pm then logging back in later in the evening just so I can get out for a walk, ring elderly parents etc before it gets too late in the day.

It helps so much.

Wannabegreenfingers · 19/03/2020 12:35

I'll be home schooling two children yrs 3 & 5 and working 4 days a week. I am a single parent, but will have some support from the stbexh as he will come to the house some days to work/help.

I'll set a timetable so they both know who is doing what when, I've set up a mini classroom in the kitchen. Ordered times tables and a map of the world and England Posters to put up. The school will be setting work.

I am eternally grateful to my employer to still have a job and be able to balance or should that say juggle, my children and my job. I won't be doing a full 6 hours school day with my two, but enough to keep them sane (hopefully) and on track.

Most people will just have to manage expectations and priorities - for me that is keeping a roof over our heads and ensuring the bills are paid - so work. Schooling is a close second.

LaurieMarlow · 19/03/2020 12:40

I think she should do so and fit in home-schooling around her normal working hours and at weekends. I think she's a CF.

The next few months will be really difficult

We're going to need a LOT more empathy and consideration than you are showing.

Whether you home school a child or not, it's practically impossible to keep them quiet and not interrupting you between 9 and 5. They need time and attention. They also need their learning to be kept up.

Businesses will have to adjust to this.

SolemnlySwear2010 · 19/03/2020 13:02

I am currently working from home for the foreseeable, my DD aged 5 will be home with me from Friday, and my DH is working loads of overtime as half his workforce are off sick.

I have already informed my employer and they are luckily very understanding and expect me to be in and out of emails /calls etc as they know a 5 year old cannot entertain herself for hours on end. Hoping that I can set up some online work for her to do and then have periods of arts and crafts etc

Really stressed though as haven't long started this job and trying to make a good impression

Original poster

Librazebra · 19/03/2020 13:02

Uni are aware that we (as in me and other students in my position or suddenly having to look after relatives) are in this situation and are working to find a solution, they've also pushed all deadlines back and exams are being changed to 24 hour assignment formats.
Work have said I don't have to stick to 9-5 hours necessarily and that they're expecting a reduced workload, and reduced output, there is really no right or wrong way to go about this as never been dealt with before.

Feeling a lot of relief right now, I'm not at all an anxious person but my god the worry I have felt recently is crushing. I'm sure I'm not alone in that.

Sending mental strength to you all to get through the next few months, however we choose to get through them.

OP posts:

BettyIsMyFavouriteSquirrel · 19/03/2020 13:03

Honestly, Peppa Pig is on 8 hours a day in this house and we just have to work when we can, forget 9-5.

HillAreas · 19/03/2020 13:12

She will be saving time in not having to travel to and from work so could surely teach her child before and after school and at lunchtime and weekends?

I think most sensible people realise that the work will have to fit around the child, not the other way around. Let’s say you do your normal 8-6 (in my case) then sort dinner and get the kids fed. So you’re starting lessons at what time? 7.30 at the earliest? Less than an hour before bed time? Then theres the issue of what the kid is doing all day and who is actually caring for them.

Let’s be realistic.

Alicesweewonders · 19/03/2020 13:15

Just been told by our company we will now be working from home. My work is primarily phone call based and with a 1year old this is going to be a challenge for sure 😕

Anyone else having to do calls & look after a toddler? The thought of its stressing me, I'd rather be in work. Lol

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