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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not make payments while its closed?

30 replies

NillyFrickers · 18/03/2020 16:52

My DD attends a weekly toddler group and swimming lessons. Both have officially closed/suspended lessons as of today.
I'm a single parent working in hospitality, so minimum wage. My hours have been cut back and obviously if government says, we will close. So my income will be affected from next pay.

Her swimming lesson company said they were going to cancel the direct debits but today have now said that alot of people have offered to continue paying and so that is an option if you want. You can either pay 100%, 50% or 25% or cancel altogether. But they will let us know when they know if and when they'll be back in the pool so you can set up payments again if you cancel or pay a reduction.

DDs toddler class sent an email last week asking if it was possible could people please continue payments or at least some of the payment. They will allow you to attend extra classes when they reopen if you continue payments, also they have made a private facebook group where they have said they will post videos similar to what happens in the class for the children to watch at home. BUT you can only join if you're continuing some sort of payment.
I'm feeling really guilty and also disappointed, my main issue is the toddler group. I have been attending this group since DD was 9 months, she turns 2 in a few weeks. I have always paid on time every month and I feel like because I may not be able to afford to continue with payments, then my daughter will be left out and not allowed to access some videos which will involve alot of the songs and dances that she loves in the classes.

I totally understand that people who have their own business will be hit extremely hard, and if I could afford to pay and help out then I totally would. I also admire those people who will continue to pay as they will help to keep the business going until they re-open. But I feel like I'm being punished for being in a worse situation than others. I know it's just a bunch of videos and its probably nothing major DD will be missing out on, but with everything that's going on I'm just feeling rather down and this is playing on my mind. But I dont know if IBU to think this way. Should I expect to be in the group if I'm not paying. My head is a bit messy at the moment and I'm worried about the next few months.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 18/03/2020 16:55

Yanbu to decide not to pay.

YABU to expect to be able to access some level of their service without some sort of contribution

goldenorbspider · 18/03/2020 16:57

It's a very difficult time op, a lot of people are probably in the same boat x

tulippa · 18/03/2020 16:58

I would stop paying. You need to save what you can for your family for the coming months. You will be able to set everything back up again when this is over.

I can see why they've asked as they want to keep their businesses going but you have your own priorities.

thefourgp · 18/03/2020 16:58

I cancelled my kids taekwondo direct debit. Emailed them to say I’ll set it up again when they’re attending classes again. They’ve been going five years and I’ve never missed a payment. They emailed me back to say they are still applying a 30 day cancellation period and they expect me to pay next month. I’m a single parent and my pay could be affected too. I emailed them again saying it’s been cancelled with the bank and reiterated I won’t be paying it. YAnbu.

TotesGodsWill · 18/03/2020 16:59

They’re trying to offer incentives to people to keep paying to try and keep afloat. They’re not saying you have to keep paying and you absolutely don’t have to, but you can’t expect to get the incentives if you don’t.

I’m your shoes, I would just stop paying. You can do the songs at home with DD, or go on YouTube for similar. If your income is in jeopardy nobody would blame you for not making voluntary contributions to these activities.

Dishwashersaurous · 18/03/2020 17:00

It’s really tricky and lots of people are in the same position.

The toddler group provider will be doing the activities online in order to try and get some income. Therefore she will be charging for it. Don’t think of it as a group, rather think of it as an online class

Irial · 18/03/2020 17:02

They are offering a service, and its paid for

You are not paying, so why should you be able to access it?

annamie · 18/03/2020 17:04

OP, maybe if you explain your situation they may understand and allow you to join the private Facebook group?

The fact that they are allowing people to pay 25% etc shows that they are flexible.

Maybe they fully expect those in difficult financial circumstances to contact them?

Sorry that this has been playing in your mind

Paddingtonthebear · 18/03/2020 17:05

They should be freezing payments

Lippy1234 · 18/03/2020 17:08

Could you offer to pay something like 10% of the toddler group fee and explain your situation?

Original poster

NillyFrickers · 18/03/2020 17:09

@thefourgp the playgroup also told said there had to be a months notice for cancellation too.

I suppose it is an incentive to pay, I didnt look at it like that. I just felt bad as if DD is missing out because I have a crap job compared to others.

Everyone is going to be affected obviously, some more than others.
I'm just a very panicky person and I'm worried that if I did go back after this is all overz would I be seen as "that one that didnt pay"

OP posts:

BlusteryShowers · 18/03/2020 17:10

Absolutely stop paying if you can't afford it but YABVU to expect access to their videos. They are adapting to try and survive during this period i'm afraid.

DesLynamsMoustache · 18/03/2020 17:12

It's disappointing for you but the people who run these classes stand to lose a lot of money too, and the online classes are a way of trying to ameliorate that. YANBU to not pay, of course. But they are not BU to keep the online classes for paying customers.

RoseGoldEagle · 18/03/2020 17:15

I think people that can afford to keep paying for classes should do (or make a part payment or whatever), and people who can’t should absolutely not feel guilty for not paying. But I don’t think you can expect to join the online classes if you’ve stopped paying to be honest. I’ve seen quite a few classes offering online options, I think it’s a great idea, but I don’t think you can expect them to do that for you for free. Sorry though, as it’s a really crap situation all round.

DesLynamsMoustache · 18/03/2020 17:16

Also I wouldn't worry about what other people think. People come and go from toddler classes all the time for various reasons, and some people from ours aren't able to do the online alternatives. I don't think anyone is going to be bothered about why you did or didn't attend!

Dishwashersaurous · 18/03/2020 17:19

No one is going to care about whether or not you are paying at the time

EverythingChanges321 · 18/03/2020 17:27

There’s so much free information online, you’d actually be mad to continue paying at this point, with your current financial circumstances.
You are not responsible for the spread of this virus and you definitely aren’t responsible for the likely repercussions.

reginaphalangeeee · 18/03/2020 17:35

You're not being punished for not paying. It's basically like paying for any service. Similar to if you don't pay Netflix then you can't watch what they have to offer. But I really wouldn't worry about not paying if you can't afford to, you will easily be able to find videos that your child will enjoy on YouTube or you can sing and dance with her yourself. She's only little so she will love other songs just as much even if they're different from what she's used to.

Straycatstrut · 18/03/2020 17:37

Two weeks back I renewed my 7yos Swim England ones and they charge £90 per block. I hope it's just frozen from when they close (no official announcement yet but it'll happen). I'm a skint single mum too and budget my arse off for them as he's a very nervous swimmer (anxious in general) and his teacher is brilliant with him.

Original poster

NillyFrickers · 18/03/2020 17:43

Ok thanks everyone. I guess I took a negative interpretation, I was seeing it as a reward for paying, kind of because the email made it sound that way, (which technically it is) rather than seeing it as a service to pay for. Although saying it out loud sounds stupid now, but I guess all the stress and worry has got me not thinking straight.

@Straycatstrut I budget for my daughters lessons too! £50 a month I pay because I feel learning to swim is important and also the teachers at her class are really good with the children. I really hope they're able to open back up and continue teaching after this is over.

I know the songs, and we sing them often so I guess I can just do them with her. I just worry if she'll miss it or not but shes probably too young to notice.

And thank you all for being nice in your replies.

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/03/2020 17:56

I read on another thread the bbc is introducing emergency programming for school aged children. I expect there will be things for younger children, perhaps not right away. With so much online for free, I wouldn’t pay. Your dd will quickly forget about the swim classes. She’s very little. Just sing the songs together.

Marieo · 18/03/2020 17:58

If you can't afford it then obviously it's fair enough not to pay. The flip side is that unfortunately, it means you cant access the videos etc, they are trying to keep afloat too. There are plenty of great free resources and baby groups being streamed on Facebook etc though, it's worth keeping an eye out.

IntoTheUnkown · 18/03/2020 18:01

YANBU at all. I think / hope DH and I’s jobs will be ok through this, and so I have offered to continue to pay for my kid’s classes to try to keep those small businesses afloat. I’m doing this on the basis that not everyone is lucky enough to be in this position, and if those of us who can comfortably pay do then hopefully that helps mitigate the effect of the people who can’t. You need to make sure that your own family is ok above anything else, and not paying is clearly the right thing for you in these horrible circumstances.

elenacampana · 18/03/2020 18:05

It’s not technically a reward. It’s the basic premise of buying and selling.

Jonb6 · 18/03/2020 18:08

It would not be unreasonable to continue paying at say 10 per month. It shows goodwill. I can't see you will be judged by anyone for that. These are difficult times with difficult decisions. We all have to prioritise our own families whilst being realistic about choices forced upon us. We need to be supportive of everyone where we can. I will certainly be helping people wherever I can safely whether it's shopping or something else.

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