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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I taking advantage?!

52 replies

Thisendshere211 · 17/03/2020 20:28

Try to help my flatmate where I can (found them the current place we share, organise food deliveries, let them have my food if I'm not going to be in), for the sake of harmonious household relations - the standard!!

We have a weekly cleaner coming tomorrow and my room is a bit untidy - nothing major but unmade (clean!) bed, papers on desk, (paper) rubbish in plastic bag in room. I was supposed to be in beforehand to tidy but won't be home in time. I asked if they could do me a favour and shove the papers in a drawer, pop the rubbish outside the room, quickly make the bed. Would take all of 2 mins and could do on facetime just so I could quickly see the situation

They have flat-out refused and said they are standing up for themselves / being assertive... This is despite previously agreeing. I have said I'd be grateful, would have brought them chocolate or similar to say thanks and obviously would do the same for them if needed.

Aibu?

OP posts:
BelfryBat · 17/03/2020 21:09

*make, not male. Good typo though.

ElevenSmiles · 17/03/2020 21:10

You asked she said no, she's not your cleaner.

feebeecat · 17/03/2020 21:15

I know someone like this - also known her for years, she will say she gets walked all over and the only person she ever stand up to is me! I don’t take advantage/ask her for much (I generally know better), but if I ever did, I’d get a flat out refusal. She reckons she “practices” on me Hmm Also shared a house with her for awhile, six month lease, by month four I had virtually moved in with bf to get away.
At least you now know

Mlou32 · 17/03/2020 21:29

I believe that you don't take the piss OP. My partner is like this. I'll make breakfast, lunch and dinner for us but if I ask him to make me a cup of tea in the evening then he starts his "no you're taking the piss, I'm putting my foot down, you asked me to make you a cup of tea last night" shite. Dickhead. So just because she said that doesn't necessarily mean you take the piss.

Anyway if she wants to be selfish and petty then you need to do the same in return. No more food for her, no more helping her out with anything and tell her exactly why.

rayoflightboy · 17/03/2020 21:30

Well you can be equally assertive when they need a favour.

SuburbanFraggle · 17/03/2020 22:13

Mlou32 he sounds like a nasty piece of work

BlueBirdGreenFence · 17/03/2020 22:18

I can't believe you asked your housemate to tidy your room for you! That's total CF territory!

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 17/03/2020 22:29

Yeah, I don't believe you.

KarmaStar · 17/03/2020 22:30

Why is everyone judging the op?
Nobody knows the true story here but are willing to jump in and judge ,blame the op.
I don't have a cleaner,but many people have a tidy up before they arrive and certainly put personal papers away.

slipperywhensparticus · 17/03/2020 22:35

Taken at face value yanbu they are standing up to the wrong person however next time they want food or favours the answer should be no and stop giving them your food

tinybluerose · 17/03/2020 22:35

Suburban Fraggle - Im sorry to hear that! You have described this person to a tee

I think that they were suggesting that you were the selfish CF and not the other person!

Stompythedinosaur · 17/03/2020 23:28

I think it is a bit much to ask tbh. Asking someone to tidy your bedroom for you is not a normal sort of favour. The suggestion of using facetime makes it feel a bit demeaning I think, like you are directing an employee.

I think you've misread the boundaries of the situation.

KahlanRahl · 17/03/2020 23:45

You asked a question and they gave you an answer. Why don't you just accept their answer? They're not a slave, so allowed to say no. Which they did. Job done.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 18/03/2020 00:15

found them the current place we share so you both live there but you found it "for them? Did you not want to live there?organise food deliveries how much food gets delivered that it needs organising? Don't you just do an online shop together? An ex flatmate ordered via her laptop once (we all added and paid for our own stuff) and made out to everyone that she had bought the whole thing! let them have my food if I'm not going to be in so food which would otherwise be thrown? If not then keep it but don't be one of those people who offers then becomes bitter about it as soon as the other person accepts.

Basically it sounds like you do minor things but expect to be treated like a king for it. Like you want to feel superior and for them to feel lucky to flat share with you.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 18/03/2020 00:24

They were going out to buy toilet paper so I said I'd pay for half asap presuming you'll use the toilet roll too...why on earth would you do anything other than pay half straight away?!

herbie01 · 18/03/2020 06:26

@Mlou32 if that's how he sees it, he can put the energy he saves making you a cup of tea into making his own breakfast, lunch and dinner than can't he?

NewBrideToBe · 18/03/2020 09:06

I wonder what your flatmate’s version of events are.

Bluntness100 · 18/03/2020 09:18

Why is everyone judging the op?

Because most people are applying critical thinking,,, generally there is a reason people say things like I’m standing up for myself. And because it’s distinctly odd to wish to face time to see someone make your bed. And because letting someone eat food that will go off because you’re not going to be there, or paying for half of toilet roll you’ll use, is really not as big a favour as the op is making out. And because the op is phrasing it like she’s doing this person a huge favour allowing them to live there.

mauvaisereputation · 18/03/2020 09:22

I think this is very odd tbh. I have never tidied a flatmate's room or asked them to tidy it. It doesn't sound like it will stop the cleaner cleaning anyway. Why can't you ask the cleaner to do these things? I think your flatmate was well within their rights to say no.

MzHz · 18/03/2020 09:33

I think I’d be reconsidering the flat mate tbh. She’s mean and ungrateful and perhaps that’s why she’s had problems in the past.

xILikeJamx · 18/03/2020 09:41

People who clean for the cleaner they're paying to come are weird. Asking someone else to clean your stuff for the cleaner coming is weirder. Facetiming the process would make it completely mental.

ElbasAbsentPenis · 18/03/2020 09:57

Now I’ve seen it all! I would never ask a flat mate to tidy my room let alone project manage the process via FaceTime. 😂

BadLad · 18/03/2020 10:05

Asking for papers to be put out of sight - fine.

Asking for bed to be made and bin put out - bit cheeky.

Asking for them to show you the situation, so you can check that they've done it to your satisfaction - really rude. Sounds like a parent talking to a young child.

It's a YABU from me.

MzHz · 18/03/2020 10:32

Op is not cleaning for cleaner, she’s tidying for cleaner so that cleaner has a good run at the cleaning.

Perfectly normal.

annamie · 18/03/2020 10:40

OP, are you the main tenant? Can you get them chucked out and move someone nicer in?