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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want a career and to be a fully involved mum?

125 replies

PSCMUM · 08/09/2007 22:24

i want to work and take my children to school every day, and pick them up on day a week, and be able to go to the odd assembly and school trip. This would mean working 10am-6pm 4 days a week and 10am-2pm and 7pm-10pm on the other day, so i'd do the same amount of work i do now, well i do more than that now, and would continue to, as i bring work home. but i woudl like to do that, and still get the big cases at work, and still have a chance at reaching the top of my game.
Am i wanting too much? Shoudl i just accept the Mummy track until they are all older and I can work the long slavish hours the Uk holds so dear?

OP posts:
controlfreaky2 · 08/09/2007 23:52

no. it was me

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 08/09/2007 23:55

AMac

I think most people on this thread work and strike a balance, at a cost it must be admitted. So not sure where the SAHM/WOHM plea came from.

soapbox · 09/09/2007 00:01

I share drop offs at school with DH and then work at home on Fridays when I do drop off and pick up. I don't tend to work after pick up on Fridays but do do other bits and pieces during the week and weekends if needs be.

I've never found it a problem to fit it all in TBH.

I've never really ever discussed it as such with work - just told them what I was doing! Provided the job gets done and you are not a clockwatcher the rest of the time, then I don't think many employers give a fig how you make it work

anniemac · 09/09/2007 00:04

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anniemac · 09/09/2007 00:06

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soapbox · 09/09/2007 00:08

Hmm - just read your 'I leave at 5pm on the dot' post and I have to say that if someone was that inflexible as an employee then I wouldn't move an inch beyond my statutory obligations to be flexible, as an employer, in return.

I suppose it depends what you do, but in my field, flexibility is a two way road!

anniemac · 09/09/2007 00:13

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Monkeytrousers · 09/09/2007 10:35

Can we pass this thread on to Brown and Cameron?

Original poster
PSCMUM · 09/09/2007 19:58

soapbox - I'm am SO flexzible with my work, I do leave at 5pm bang on a normal days. but if there is a last min crisis and I can arrange childcare I stay, if I can't arrange childcare, I get a cab home from work and am mobile and blackberry in the car. And I work every single night at home. I'm sorry when I was posting last night I probably wasn't that clear as I was v tired, but just becasue I am not physically in the office does not mean I am not working. WOrk has no qualms about phoning me at weekends, evenings, when I;m on annual leave, when the kids are sick, when I am up a mountain in wales even once! So yes, totally agree, felxibilty has got to be two way - at the moment it is only one way tho - I'm flexible, and am rarley not at work whehter at home or office, but they are not.
Imperium - I;ve only got 7 years PQE, couldn't be a judge just yet I dpon't think! but totslly sgree re hours and pay - one day!

And yes to all the posters about the men who work late and never see their kidws - you're so right. I 100% do not want that!!

OP posts:
jbabe · 09/09/2007 20:22

PSCMUM; you could be a judge; no longer a requirement for 10 years PQE

PeachesMcLean · 09/09/2007 20:44

PSC. That's not flexibility, it's just wrong. However much you're dedicated to your job, and however hard you're prepared to work to further your career, no company should ever expect it's people to work like that. It's plain wrong and it makes me sad to hear of companies like that who push their staff as far as humanly possible.
I really hope you find somewhere with a bit more give as well as take.

Pitchounette · 10/09/2007 19:36

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Pitchounette · 10/09/2007 19:47

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Judy1234 · 10/09/2007 20:29

Why anyone would was the hassle of taking children to school every day rather than just a treat once a week always defies belife for me. It's stress. It's boring. Why not just get someone else to do it. Yes it's nice to do it occasionally but in year 23 of motherhood I continue to be pleased I have never done it on a regular basis. But yes, anything is possible. Most women work and enjoy it. A few seem to be content as housewives but not usually once you scratch below the surface so go for it. Why not do one day a week collecting them?

Or why not change your mentality and realise you can be a very involved and good parent but not do the dull school collection. Instead earn enough to pay people do to dull things like cleaning and spend the time freed up playing with the children at weekends and say do alternate evenings with your other half if you've chosen to have another half. And remember the gold rule - avoid sexism at home and ensure your other half is always as involved as you are with the children

hotbot · 10/09/2007 20:51

p, i think you can have it all, if you are the onlyone meeting targets, i would be concerned about you dropping your hrs in the office as i would be losing a bloody good worker.....
it sounds to me like you need to change companies ,let your work and reputation speak for themselves..

ps where is your me time?

Original poster
PSCMUM · 10/09/2007 21:31

o hotbot - what a sweet post! WHere is my me time. well its now, when i am on my laptop working from home, and sneaking on to mumsnet every now and again. I really liked what imperium said aswell - her children were not going to wait for her to acheive some kind of egalitarian paradise in the work place. So true. I'm getting some job applications. There is a lovely litte firm at the end of my road. If I worked there I could pop home at lunch and do the washing, and then have the evenings to ...shock..have a social life???? what is that like i wonder?! i'm glad i posted and you've all given me the kick up the bum i needed to change things!

OP posts:
Getyourownjuice · 10/09/2007 23:49

PCSMUM

You can have it, I have it. I work for the NHS. Do 20 hours per week howver that suits me. I take them to school everyday, pick them up twice, get to every special assembly, play, certificate presentation, PTA etc etc

I just got promoted too, and beat 11 full time male workers to the job.

You need to work at it but its not out of reach.

Good luck

Hurlyburly · 10/09/2007 23:51

Well the art of being a career woman and a mother calls for compromises all round.

You'll have to be flexible, but why shouldn't you be able to do drop offs?

Good luck

UCM · 11/09/2007 00:32

For the record, no it aint. I am crap at namechanging and certainly wouldn't hide behind a namechange on this site I promise.

VVV, come on then put them up. Am dying to see!!!

UCM · 11/09/2007 00:33

Oh and I am crap at being a career woman & a mum. The two don't mix. So am jack of all trades, master of none.

MrsMarvel · 11/09/2007 00:54

Remember pscmum, you learn from your children. Time with them will enhance your life as much as time spent on a career.

You will gain from this - your time will come.

Good luck.

Hurlyburly · 11/09/2007 09:09

hey, you're all scaring the girl.

It's perfectly possible. Trust me.

You will struggle and compromise but it is possible and it is workable.

Furzella · 11/09/2007 09:35

PSCMum, it does sound difficult where you are, and I think law is one of the most unreconstructed professions to get a work/life balance in, but they do know you there and I would have thought that it might be worth sticking there and building a business case for them of why you think you can make the flexible arrangements work for them. I think it's natural that they will struggle to see any benefits for them, so it's up to you to sell the arrangement to them. If you can give yourself targets that they can measure you against - increased billable hours for example - you will make the decision easier for them. I'm in management consultancy, which is another area where flexible working is not easy. New clients always expect that a consultant will be available 24 hours a day and five days a week, and frankly, the fees they pay, I'm not surprised. I have to convince each client that it can work for them and that they won't suffer. It's a bore, but it goes with the territory. I've been doing three days a week for three years now and there hasn't been a problem once with a client. I've had to do a fair few extra days, including weekends sometimes, but I don't mind as fundamentally it's flexible.

Having said that, I'd probably be a partner by now if I was prepared to go full time, but I'm prepared to make that sacrifice to see a decent amount of my dds. I don't think the question is whether or not you are being unreasonable, but whether you can negotiate a compromise position that is good enough all round.

Good luck. You're children will be fine whatever you go for as you're clearly a caring involved mother. It isn't measured in hours.

Furzella · 11/09/2007 09:36

Sorry, "your children" - yukkety rogue apostrophe...

Judy1234 · 11/09/2007 10:13

The more women rather than men request flexible working the harder things are for women and the worse women do at work and ulitmately damage themselves. They are conditioned to think picking up and collecting children is some wonderful life aim when it's just dull and they buy into that and damage their careers, their lives and ultimately their children.Just work full time in work you love like most men and women do and the children will be happy too as their parents are happy.