Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want a career and to be a fully involved mum?

125 replies

PSCMUM · 08/09/2007 22:24

i want to work and take my children to school every day, and pick them up on day a week, and be able to go to the odd assembly and school trip. This would mean working 10am-6pm 4 days a week and 10am-2pm and 7pm-10pm on the other day, so i'd do the same amount of work i do now, well i do more than that now, and would continue to, as i bring work home. but i woudl like to do that, and still get the big cases at work, and still have a chance at reaching the top of my game.
Am i wanting too much? Shoudl i just accept the Mummy track until they are all older and I can work the long slavish hours the Uk holds so dear?

OP posts:
oregonianabroad · 08/09/2007 23:02

I know how you feel. FWIW, I thought I was trapped in my last job and then found this place on mat leave with DS1. Keep looking, keep your options open.

Original poster
PSCMUM · 08/09/2007 23:03

yes, i do, and they have better conditions and more sympathetic employers in the main. I just need to cut and run don't I?!

OP posts:
PeachesMcLean · 08/09/2007 23:04

Yup, fraid so. With two fingers up to them. And in the knowledge you'll go to a better place.

UCM · 08/09/2007 23:05

Grimly adds that I have spent the entire day in the kitchen cooking meals for DH & the children, so that they can eat healthily when I am working late next week. On my fucking day off.

At least we now have several shepherds pies, lasagnes and some barley shite languishing in our freezer...........

For dinner tonight I had ryvitas with dairylea, Dh had 3 fried egss, toast and a burger, DS had chocolate mousse & some cheese and then later on nicked a burger from his dad and a wholemeal roll.

imperiumfreak · 08/09/2007 23:06

i was you until a year ago..... when decided i'd had enough and took lengthy sabbatical.... am lawyer but barrister so self employed etc. but even so was finding the juggling and stress impossible.... dont want to depress you but i found it ok when my dss were small but much harder later (now 10 and 8). it's truly crap that it is so hard to pursue good career and feel you are parenting as you would want.... but imo life was too short and my dss childhood wasn't going to wait for me to change the world of work...... much happier overall but still feel shouldnt have had to make stark choice. think lots of us legal types are by nature v driven / perfectionist..... part of my problem was i wanted to do my job really well / be the best..... and no satisfaction for me in cutting corners / not doing it to the very best of my ability.....

good luck. let me know when you've found the solution!

ScottishMummy · 08/09/2007 23:09

PSCMUM u are describing a wish list that most employers will not comply with, professional careers demand high flexibility that does not necessarily meet childcare/paternal preferences. also year on year more NQgrads and PQE without children are all also chasing oppurtunities.

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 08/09/2007 23:09

I am working in Dullsville.

Working pro rata for what I was working for nearly 20 years ago.

I quickly realised that the two (working and Mummydom) are totally incompatible but took the broke route and in essence have no real problems with it.

I work 20 hours a week, I bill them they pay up. In holidays I work one day maybe more if I can sort it. But I go into it with the attitude of this is the holiday situation, I will slot you in.

We always built our lifestyle on one salary, as we knew this time would come.

Sorry if I sound a bit lecturing, but you can not have it all. So you need to make choices.

Original poster
PSCMUM · 08/09/2007 23:09

i think you're right imperium - my kids are not going to wait around for me to work in some kind of egalitarian paradise! I agree, I always want to be the best, I exhaust myself daily wanting to be the best, and then fall asleep reading my kids their story. Is not good.

OP posts:
Original poster
PSCMUM · 08/09/2007 23:12

actually some firms do comply with this - afriend works for a very large clin neg firm, who had no qualms about allowing her to work from home 4 DAYS yes thats 4 DAYS a week, and 1 day a week in the office. Her chargable hours went up as she was so keen to prove she could do it, and she had more time as she did nt have to commute, or recover from the morning school rush etc when getting into work. Some firms do go for it, mine doesn't seem to, and it CAN work. I've seen it - and client's don't even notice as there is still a voice on the phone, emails and letters are answered, and cases dealt with.

OP posts:
imperiumfreak · 08/09/2007 23:14

how old are your dc's?
do you have a dp / dh? is he supportive?

sounds to me must be worth a go at finding a more stmpathetic firm / working part time or flexibly before you jack it all in if you enjoy the work etc? you'll know then you gave it a go......

imperiumfreak · 08/09/2007 23:15

and meant to ask, what's your field/

Original poster
PSCMUM · 08/09/2007 23:16

o no i won't give it all up, but i might be a bit more accepting of my fate as a 2nd class employee! They are 8, 4 and 2. And I think I will just look around - there is no harm in going for some interviews and sounding out some others about how their jobs treat them. there has got to be an easier way than this!

OP posts:
Original poster
PSCMUM · 08/09/2007 23:17

field - prison law / crime / human rights.

OP posts:
imperiumfreak · 08/09/2007 23:17

good. you deserve better than your current treatment.

Original poster
PSCMUM · 08/09/2007 23:18

dh is brilliant, but works full time also, has much more sympathetic employers than me, but i would like to share the childcare crises, not always have to land them on him as he doesn'w work for the total fuc*ers I work for!

OP posts:
jbabe · 08/09/2007 23:19

Attitudes are unlikely to change where you are. Go for some interviews and be upfront. You are good at your job and love it but you need more flexibility right now. There are firms out there who will respect that; you just need to find them. When you're in a big firm it's scary to look elsewhere but in IME smaller firms are often more flexible because their partners have made the lifestyle choice. I now work for a local firm rather than a city firm. I only went for the interview because DH persuaded me and wasn't very keen. It was only when they offered me the job it was obvious it was a no-brainer. I said I couldn't start at 9 'cos I wanted to take the kids to school and they said fine. While the quality of work is not as good because it's a small dept. it's easier to get the good cases. I have seen so many friends put on the "mummy track" in big fims despite all their efforts. There are other routes to career success.

imperiumfreak · 08/09/2007 23:20

sounds v demanding. are you in high powered specialist firm? likely to be more valued there than as member of small department in bigger firm where more "commercial" fields are considered more important..... are you in london?

Original poster
PSCMUM · 08/09/2007 23:20

i can so relate to that last post. there is a firm at the end of my road, doing work like mine, but the less newsworthy cases, the ones where your press releases would be instantly put in the bin by the press association! but I'd love to work there. I coudl pop home at lunch and do the washing!

OP posts:
Original poster
PSCMUM · 08/09/2007 23:21

yep, in big firm, where we are little dept, and commercial parts considered more important. don't want to say where i am as am paranoid have said too much already to be identified and make life even worse!

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 08/09/2007 23:22

yes of course you are right some employers will individually negotiate day off week at home etc - i can only speak anecdottally about what friends who work city top 10 tell me

anniemac · 08/09/2007 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
PSCMUM · 08/09/2007 23:23

wouldn;t touch the City with a barge pole I have to say! The whole place makes my skin crawl.

OP posts:
imperiumfreak · 08/09/2007 23:23

then definitely explore your options......

VeniVidiVickiQV · 08/09/2007 23:24

If you are at the top of your game/really successful at what you do, that your employers wouldnt want to lose you - whatever the cost - well then you are laughing.

It doesnt sound to me like that is the case here though. Sorry.

The only other alternative is freelance/working for yourself.

Otherwise you are going to have to be flexible, one way or another.

jbabe · 08/09/2007 23:25

Looks like you've found your solution PSCMUM. Contact them; if there's no vacancies now, keep in touch and see what comes up.Good luck!