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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding this weekend

75 replies

oldbeforem · 16/03/2020 22:08

Due to attend a wedding this weekend - as it stands they are looking to go ahead.

Around 80-100 people.

I know they stand to lose a lot of money but surely they have to cancel?!

DH thinks if they don't cancel, we can't let them down and have to go. I am too nervous.

But as we've been told not to socialise unless essential and we all in live in London, surely this can't proceed?

OP posts:

Mittens030869 · 17/03/2020 20:46

Going to the pub or a party does not enable essential workers to keep on working and avoid children being cared for by vulnerable grandparents. Kids going to school does so it is ridiculous to equate the two as being the same. Please don't go and take this seriously.

^This. I don't see what's difficult to understand about this. But unfortunately, judging by this thread, there are a lot of people who really don't want to see it. This is serious, and about limiting the spread of this disease.

SewItGoes · 17/03/2020 20:57

I wouldn't go, even if I didn't live with someone who's at higher risk. I can't imagine you'll be the only ones who don't show up. Make up an excuse if you feel you must, but they have to know that at least some guests won't want to risk it.

rumandbiscuits · 17/03/2020 21:35

I am getting married on Friday. I wish we could cancel in some ways but we can't unless the government force the venue to close which they won't. They have both us and the venue in the palm of their hands! Neither of us can claim on our insurance unless the government officially put us into lockdown so until then it has to go ahead.

What I will say though is don't go if you don't feel comfortable with it. I have contacted all of my guests and been straight, I don't expect them to come and I won't be upset if they pull out. We have had about a quarter so far pull out and thank god our venue have been so supportive and refunded us for their food and drink. Personally I don't want people to be at my wedding that feel uncomfortable or on edge. I know I can't speak for your bride and groom but it might help to hear from someone who is on the other side of this. It's a shit situation and it's no ones fault.

millerjane · 17/03/2020 22:01

selfish

millerjane · 17/03/2020 22:06

We all need to act as if we have the virus in order to prevent avoidable deaths

tinkerbellla · 17/03/2020 22:13

I'd go. It's just the same as going to a supermarket which people seem to do daily without hesitation.

IndoorWeather · 17/03/2020 22:19

@tinkerbellla, you must attend some extremely unusual weddings if you imagine it’s the same as a trip to the supermarket in terms of contact with other people.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 17/03/2020 22:23

does not enable essential workers to keep on working and avoid children being cared for by vulnerable grandparents.

how many times does it need to be said that school and education is not childcare!

There are still ways to organise child care for essential workers families, even when the schools are closed, how do you think other countries are managing?

Encouraging the spread of the virus is helping no one. Essential workers will have to stop working to look after their own sick child or because said child spread viruses to them. The smaller the group, the better.

TheFormidableMrsC · 17/03/2020 22:33

I've got a friend who has a dedicated country wedding venue, it's their bread and butter and they do very very well out of it, it has a brilliant reputation and indeed my own brother married there. They have shut it down entirely because it's the right thing to do. I'd not go to a wedding now. Not in a million years.

Kisskiss · 18/03/2020 09:47

@tinkerbellla People go to supermarkets to go get food. You need to eat. I imagine you won’t die if you skip a wedding?

redwoodmazza · 18/03/2020 11:37

Stay In - Stay Alive.
Don't go.

EmmaBridgewater20 · 18/03/2020 11:48

@staringatonewall it’s not contradictory it’s basically avoid things that are unnecessary and ask people to do a bit of risk analysis. You don’t need to go to a party/pub/restaurant/clothes shopping you do need to work and if you can’t do it from home you have to go in. But the hope is that a lot of people will be able to stay at home meaning the number of transmissions will be smaller and the rate of the spread will be slower.

I would absolutely not go. I am so sad for them but a medium sized gathering like that is basically a virus spreading party!!!

If you felt you had to go then I think the decent and responsible thing to do would be for you and the rest of the guests to self isolate for 14 days as family afterwards.

MamaGee09 · 18/03/2020 11:54

BoJo is recommending people don’t go to bars, I work in a bar/ restaurant so until he actually forces us to close I have to work so mixing with 100 people at work is no different from mixing with 100 people at a wedding.

Obviously vulnerable and unwell people shouldn’t be out and about socialising.

BoJo can’t tell isn’t one thing but then expect 1000’s of people to still work in bars and restaurants mixing with people. My bar isn’t still as busy as usual.

Hmmmm88 · 18/03/2020 12:47

Due to go to my best friend's wedding friday but had to decline due to me being in high risk category. I am devastated as is friend but thankfully very understanding.

A lot of people have pulled out including groom's dad but the family have all said they'll throw another wedding reception later on in the year for those who won't be able to attend.

Brefugee · 18/03/2020 13:24

I’d go, I work in hospitality and I’m a student so have been mixing with people all week until today

So you're not showing any symptoms, good for you. But you may have it and be passing it on to everyone you come into contact with. And they might pass it to their aunt Flo, or new baby or anyone. Fantastic.

It's just the same as going to a supermarket which people seem to do daily without hesitation.

No, it isn't. And are you 100% sure that it is the same people going every day? And even if they are, do you know for certain that they aren't going on day 1 for themselves, and day 2 for neighbours?

I'm finding the attitude here in Germany from some people quite strange, but the attitude in the UK is just baffling.

Fimofriend · 18/03/2020 13:32

It would be reckless and inconsiderate of you to go. If you drop your principles the second they get inconvenient, then you are unprincipled. People are going to die from CORVID19. If we don't restrict our interactions with others it can maybe up to 250000 deaths in Britain alone. If we restrict our interactions, the number can be as low as 2000.

Notimeforaname · 18/03/2020 13:35

I'm shocked the amount of people who still don't get this....a wedding or gathering of any kind like that isn't necessary.

This is how it's spreading.

For the sake of money... Just no. No human life unnecessarily wasted is worth it.... For anyone's wedding or party.
People really only care when it effects them

Havanananana · 18/03/2020 13:44

I'd go if you are not in a vulnerable group and/or have no symptoms

Everybody is in a vulnerable group. The picture is changing almost daily. I am in a country in Europe, currently under voluntary lock-down. Everyone is taking the situation very seriously and avoiding all unnecessary contact with others.

Here the largest number of confirmed cases is amongst the 35-54 year olds, not amongst the 'elderly'. This is largely because people have heeded the advice to keep away from older relatives and under no circumstances to park their children with the grandparents.

Even if you have no symptoms, you might still be carrying the virus and be in a state to pass it on. Having no symptoms just gives you and those around you a false sense of safety - hence the draconian measures in place across Europe at the moment.

Onemorehitandillcrumble · 18/03/2020 13:59

as it stands they are looking to go ahead

Selfish and irresponsible of the B & G. Wonder how they would feel if half the guest -who have only their wedding in common-fall ill & die or suffer permanent lung damage.
Idiotic of any guests preparing to go.

Mittens030869 · 18/03/2020 15:07

That figures. I've been very unwell with what it probably COVID-19, though not tested. It's what is considered a 'moderate' case, as I managed to come through the crisis of the mucus nearly choking me. I'm 50; I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, so I catch everything going but other than that, there are no underlying health issues.

My DM is now staying at home (though she came back from Africa before that, long story) and she's hopefully not going to catch it.

But that's not the point here. It isn't just about you.

AriadnesFilament · 18/03/2020 15:58

Don’t go

MamaGee09 · 18/03/2020 19:34

’d go, I work in hospitality and I’m a student so have been mixing with people all week until today (quote from me)

Quote from brefugee) So you're not showing any symptoms, good for you. But you may have it and be passing it on to everyone you come into contact with. And they might pass it to their aunt Flo, or new baby or anyone. Fantastic.

I need to work to feed, clothe and house my children, what do you suggest I do? I feel well and have no symptoms but if I was showing symptoms then I would isolate.

Original poster

oldbeforem · 19/03/2020 08:07

It's been cancelled, for those calling them selfish and irresponsible. They aren't.

But it's still very sad for them and sad to have lost so much money.

OP posts:

rumandbiscuits · 19/03/2020 21:50

I have had to cancel mine as well I wonder if you are one of my guests?! Haha! It's been so upsetting but for the best in the long run.

PeachesPlumsPears · 19/03/2020 21:58

Coronavirus: 31 guests infected after attending wedding in NSW:

www.news.com.au/lifestyle/health/health-problems/coronavirus-6-guests-infected-after-attending-wedding-in-nsw/news-story/808c75c38f9544880bd6d3efee7e8853

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