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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it rude to look at people's front gardens

114 replies

Varnas · 16/03/2020 15:19

I live in UK for many years but still sometimes I wonder if I'm doing something wrong without realising.
I often glance at people's front gardens - what plants they have etc. I don't stop and look, literally a glance and I never meant to be offending.
But today an elderly woman open her front door when I was passing and started to shout at me "Why are you always looking at my garden?". /I use this street maybe 2-3 times per month/.
Now I'm thinking - is there some unspoken rule about that? Where I come from, looking at someone's garden is perfectly normal but maybe is different in UK 🤔
AIBU - I was rude.
AINBU - nothing wrong with looking at front gardens

OP posts:

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 16/03/2020 16:20

Isn't that the point of pretty front gardens? So they get looked at?

Back gardens are private...

Teenagedream · 16/03/2020 16:21

I grade the front gardens while walking to work. Our of ten. Unfortunately most score pretty low but there are a few which score higher. I love gardening and don't understand why some people leave rubbish etc in their front gardens.

userxx · 16/03/2020 16:22

I once ended up chatting to an old man about his hanging baskets for a good 15 mins once! I love looking in other people gardens.

contentedsoul · 16/03/2020 16:22

I’d be the opposite- I’d be flattered if I saw someone staring at mine. I’d probably offer coffee and cake - they’d leave thinking I was a nut job

Isthistrueor · 16/03/2020 16:22

There’s a house a few doors up with two dogs who are usually in the front garden and they’re both lovely so I stop and say hello to them if they’re out . This area also goes to town with Halloween and Christmas decorations so I enjoy looking at those. It isn’t rude, it’s perfectly fine.

If you’re looking directly through someone’s window then it’s rude.

Averyyounggrandmaofsix · 16/03/2020 16:22

I think looking is one thing and taking a photo something quite different.

ExServiceWoman · 16/03/2020 16:24

Omg OP you weren't breathing her air too were you!

I reminds me of my kids when they were small, arguing who was looking out of whose window, when we were in the car.

She batshit!

pigsDOfly · 16/03/2020 16:25

I love to look at people's front garden when they are full of colour.

I'd love to be able to make my garden like that but I don't really know how to start and at the moment it's just grass, put there by the builders, that needs constant cutting in the summer.

I've been known to stop and have a sniff of the odd perfumed rose, I don't touch, just sniff the air near by.

My neighbour has a beautifully perfumed hedge - was going to say bush but thought hedge sounded more polite - and I've stopped several times as I've passed it to have a good sniff.

Don't know if it's rude to sniff other people's flowers but no one has ever said anything.

SarahAndQuack · 16/03/2020 16:27

@summercat, do you not think maybe she was one of the women who were being sheltered, not the owner?

I think it's a bit mean to judge her. I'd be incredibly apologetic if that'd been me (TBH I'd be apologetic if I upset someone by taking photos of their property anyway).

TheNoodlesIncident · 16/03/2020 16:28

If a person is in the garden you must comment on how beautiful it is, and tell them to keep up the good work😂.

In my last house, this was actually "Come and do mine next" like all you wanted to do all day was cut hedges...

I love looking at people's gardens, and seeing if their plants are further forward than mine (they always are) or if they have a variety of something that I don't and wish I did. The top deck of the bus is great for this. So I don't mind anyone looking at my garden and feel pleased when they do, especially if I'm busy in it and they stop to chat about gardens.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 16/03/2020 16:30

The reason my mother detested anybody looking at her garden was obvious - she was somebody who would happily take great clumps of cuttings and pick flowers under the guise of 'it's pruning, they know nothing about it, so I'm doing them a favour'.

She thought everybody was just like her.

Notso · 16/03/2020 16:32

When I used to go for a walk with my Grandparents we'd give people's gardens marks out of ten. One of my funniest memories is running away with them when we have one garden a low score and it's owner popped up from behind the hedge!!

Daffodil55 · 16/03/2020 16:39

Many years ago I lived in a terraced house with a very small front garden. It was neat and tidy but nothing special as I have never been a very keen gardener but I had some lovely large and very heavy glazed pots which contained whatever I could grow and they looked really nice.

One morning I opened my front door to find 4 out of 5 had been stolen. Maybe the householder in the OP was concerned that a theft was being planned. Not so weird as it may seem, many garden thefts occur and it is not just hardware or lawn mowers etc, but actual plants and even small trees/bushes.

Hmpher · 16/03/2020 16:47

No, it’s not rude in my opinion. I often point out flowers and plants to my four year old which we spot in people’s front gardens. He’s always amazed and talks about how pretty and colourful they are. Owners have occasionally come across us doing this and seemed happy to know that other people were getting pleasure from what they’ve done.

My parents have an absolutely beautiful cottage style border on their front garden, loads of beautiful freely seeding plants, ox eye daisies and foxgloves etc. A lady who works at my son’s school once saw him on the path and asked whether he lived there. He told her it was his grandparents house and she said she always takes that route to walk her dog to look at their beautiful garden. My mom was chuffed! It does really stand out as they live on a not very attractive council estate and most front gardens are a patch of scruffy mud and grass. They have a lovely low fence with flowers spilling through. I think it’s very flattering to know that people appreciate your efforts and choose to spend time looking at it.

MirandaGoshawk · 16/03/2020 16:57

No one seems to think it's wrong to look at people's gardens, but some people do. I was taught as a child that it was rude. So, there you go!

MirandaGoshawk · 16/03/2020 16:58

But yes, I do look - just a glance. I'd never stare.

rainbow1982 · 16/03/2020 17:00

She's being a batty old mare! If u were looking I'm assuming she has nice plants/flowers which begs the question why the balls did she bother if she doesn't want anyone to look? Weirdo 🙄 u keep looking, not like you've got ur nose pressed against their living room window!

BadCatDirtyCat · 16/03/2020 17:02

I must be horribly rude.

Please look at my front garden! (just make it clear you're admiring the flowers not appalled by the weeds..)

Skigal86 · 16/03/2020 17:06

I once had a nice American lady knock on my door to ask where we’d got some of our garden stuff from, she acknowledged it was an unusual thing to do, but I quite liked it, made my hard work feel appreciated!

Finfintytint · 16/03/2020 17:12

I’m flattered by it. I often see people sticking their faces into my honeysuckle as they walk past ( not a euphemism).
I have a toddler on the school run every day who likes to find and point out my stone Cat ornament on my wall to his dad. It’s lovely.

Starbuck8419 · 16/03/2020 17:14

Was she just waiting for you to come past or something? Perhaps it’s where she buried the last person caught looking at her flowers and she thinks you are onto her.

Starbuck8419 · 16/03/2020 17:14

@Finfintytint best euphemism ever

Finfintytint · 16/03/2020 17:17

Lol

pooopypants · 16/03/2020 17:19

Nah, she's just bonkers OP. Maybe she's running out of loo roll....

Runnerduck34 · 16/03/2020 17:21

No you're not bu, she sounds slightly unhinged. Im always looking at front gardens as i walk past, both for ideas and because i love seeing the bulbs and plants come up

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