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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH blocked me on instagram?

63 replies

somnyquestions · 16/03/2020 11:55

In case this isn't obvious I have extreme anxiety and I have been going over this in my mind and just need to talk it out. Name changed.

DH and I have been together 5 years, we're relatively young and use social media. One day DH messaged me whilst he was at work to say 'sorry accidentally unfollowed you on insta'
He said he did it whilst using my profile to get to another profile (something he does always do and I've seen) as he was at work he got distracted (shouldn't really be on phones but not something he'd get in trouble for, so would probably quickly hide it if someone came to him).

However, I noticed it had made me unfollow him too and that all my likes and comments on his pictures disappeared. This can only happen by blocking someone.

To block someone is a two stage process, it says 'are you sure you want to block X?'

He blocked me for, let's say, 15minutes maximum that I know of.
I don't understand why, is there anything bad he could have achieved in this time?

For what its worth:

99% of his pictures have me in them
his profile is private
I am logged into his profile (innocently, he used it on my phone and I never logged out) so I can easily go on his profile / get notifications. He never had or has had anything suspicious.

Do I accept this as a genuine mistake?
DH does spend a lot of time on his phone and has done some things on the internet before I am not okay with.

OP posts:

mnthrowaway202020 · 16/03/2020 11:59

You sound so overbearing, Christ

However, I noticed it had made me unfollow him too and that all my likes and comments on his pictures disappeared.

Are you looking from your account or his account? On your account, you wouldn’t be able to access his account at all - let alone see his posts or individual likes/comments. If you were looking from his account, surely you’d be able to check his list of blocked users

Fantasiaa · 16/03/2020 12:01

Ffs

Original poster

somnyquestions · 16/03/2020 12:03

@mnthrowaway202020 he obviously unblocked me straight away, but he stands by that he only pressed the unfollow button in his pocket.
The point was he has to have blocked me as Instagram states when you block someone all their likes and comments will disappear from your profile.

This happened the other day and I can't stop thinking about it.

I am wondering if anything could have been achieved in that time he had blocked me, i.e. it's purposeful or whether it is just an accident albeit a hard one.

OP posts:

FATEdestiny · 16/03/2020 12:08

Could he have used your account to see "what happens if.."?

DH and I were wondering what happens if a person phones you when you have their number blocked. So to test it we blocked DH's phone number on my phone and he tried to phone me*. Afterwards we just unblocked the number.

You could just ask him?

if you're interested, blocked number goes straight yo answer phone and you can still leave a message. Which isn't the point of blocking a number, but that's a whole other issue!

Ponoka7 · 16/03/2020 12:09

What has he done in the past that you didn't like?

DrManhattan · 16/03/2020 12:19

Why are you so suspicious of him?

CheshireChat · 16/03/2020 12:27

It's impossible to say if it's worrying if you don't mention what's happened previously really.

On the face of it, you're U as it sounds like he was just messing about with his phone blocked you by accident, told you and then sorted it asap so no reason for your suspicions.

Original poster

somnyquestions · 16/03/2020 12:29

previously he has been on anon chat rooms, not really sure what he spoke about but it was all a bit weird. I didn't like it and he knew it was wrong as he kept it secret.
There's also been some other weird happenings regarding online activity but nothing I can articulate properly.

I am fairly certain he has never done anything in real life, but I do think he likes online attention.

OP posts:

Grumpos · 16/03/2020 12:30

I don’t think in the short time you were blocked he could do anything you’d perceive as dodgy.
It seems like a genuine accident - if all other areas of your lives and relationship are good and these sorts of things aren’t a regular occurrence then you should accept his explanation and let it go.

I sympathise that you have anxiety and some MH issues around that it seems but you can’t and shouldn’t force other people to live according to them. Just because your anxious, doesn’t mean your DH has to constantly explain or apologise - he’s given his explanation, if you have no other reason to doubt it then you must drop it.
If you cannot then you need to address your issues more rigorously

Original poster

somnyquestions · 16/03/2020 12:30

I guess this could be completely innocent and I am aware of that. But I am wondering what he could achieve by blocking me, if it's nothing then it was obviously an accident, if it could have allowed him to do something, then there we go...

OP posts:

Grumpos · 16/03/2020 12:32

Sorry x post
From your update it seems that perhaps you’re not totally happy with some online activity.
Are these actual events or could it be some (legit and nothing to worry about) changes to his online behaviour and activities which have piqued your anxiety?

Grumpos · 16/03/2020 12:35

But what could he have achieved - he could easily message someone privately without needing to block you? He can’t have removed and reinstated all the photos in that time. Could he have posted a story for that short time? But what would that have actually achieved?
You’re logged into his account so I assume you can see his DMs anyway?
Unless someone posted a comment on one of his photos which he didn’t want you to see - but then surely just delete the post?
I don’t think there’s anything he can achieve in blocking or unfollowing you for 15 minutes

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 16/03/2020 12:36

Realistically blocking someone for 15 mins achieves nothing. I dont think anyone could get up to anything in 15 mins on insta.

Also you have access to his account.

I wouldnt be concerned.

But this IS an example of why social media is awful.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 16/03/2020 12:36

Ask him?

LaStreng · 16/03/2020 12:40

I blocked my now exdh but only because he was annoyingly nosy. I wasn't up to anything. You sound very anxious/neurotic. I think you need to log out of his account on your phone so you can't be tempted to look in the future and just trust him and work on why you find that hard.

shinyredbus · 16/03/2020 12:47

You need to deal with your anxiety.

Original poster

somnyquestions · 16/03/2020 12:48

I am just a generally anxious person and I tend to fixate on events until I understand them and at present I still don't understand it.

I guess he can't have achieved anything so it must have been a mistake.

OP posts:

TheYearOfTheDog · 16/03/2020 12:50

/trust your gut i'd say.

I'm not on instragram but the same principles apply. If he says something that just doesn't quiiiiite sit right, listen to your gut.

MagnoliaJustice · 16/03/2020 12:50

I think your anxiety is clouding your common sense, unless you have a genuine reason to believe DH is planning on or actively cheating on you.

opticaldelusion · 16/03/2020 12:50

Can't think of anything more dull than wading through my OH's social media posts.

opticaldelusion · 16/03/2020 12:51

trust your gut i'd say

Anxious guts are not to be trusted.

TheYearOfTheDog · 16/03/2020 12:54

somnyquestions Mon 16-Mar-20 12:29:57

Your post here makes it clear to me that your gut is signalling for a reason. He has history of keeping secrets and doing weird stuff online, anonymously.

People can tell you you're anxious, you're overbearing, blah blah blah but the bottom line is, he has history of keeping secrets from you and right now you feel unsettled.
That's not the kind of relationship you want is it?? The right guy won't keep secrets and so weird stuff online anonymously and make you feel there is something you can't quite get to the bottom of.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 16/03/2020 12:54

You need to chill. Nothing worst than a controlling and jealous partner.

It's perfectly possible to have multiple instagram or other accounts. If he wanted to keep things private from you, he could do so easily.

You have to decide if you trust him, or you don't and will over-think every little thing.

It's jealous people who tend to end up cheating btw. So be honest with yourself on that one.

Josette77 · 16/03/2020 12:55

I'd focus on help with your anxiety.

TheYearOfTheDog · 16/03/2020 12:57

@opticaldelusion that's actually such nonsense !
And this guy has a history of keeping secrets.

@somnyquestions I used to feel anxiety when I was in a relationship that was eroding me. The erosion of my self and the cognitive dissonance were the cause of the anxiety.

You need to be on your own until you're not drawn back to uncertainty.

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