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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH blocked me on instagram?

63 replies

somnyquestions · 16/03/2020 11:55

In case this isn't obvious I have extreme anxiety and I have been going over this in my mind and just need to talk it out. Name changed.

DH and I have been together 5 years, we're relatively young and use social media. One day DH messaged me whilst he was at work to say 'sorry accidentally unfollowed you on insta'
He said he did it whilst using my profile to get to another profile (something he does always do and I've seen) as he was at work he got distracted (shouldn't really be on phones but not something he'd get in trouble for, so would probably quickly hide it if someone came to him).

However, I noticed it had made me unfollow him too and that all my likes and comments on his pictures disappeared. This can only happen by blocking someone.

To block someone is a two stage process, it says 'are you sure you want to block X?'

He blocked me for, let's say, 15minutes maximum that I know of.
I don't understand why, is there anything bad he could have achieved in this time?

For what its worth:

  • 99% of his pictures have me in them
  • his profile is private
  • I am logged into his profile (innocently, he used it on my phone and I never logged out) so I can easily go on his profile / get notifications. He never had or has had anything suspicious.

Do I accept this as a genuine mistake?
DH does spend a lot of time on his phone and has done some things on the internet before I am not okay with.

OP posts:
mnthrowaway202020 · 16/03/2020 13:00

he obviously unblocked me straight away,

So what’s he actually supposed to have done then?

As others have said, you can obviously check his DMs if you’re that paranoid. But it’s not like he would have needed to block you to send DMs without your knowledge.

Does he know that his account is still logged in your phone? Do you think he’d feel comfortable with that?

Original poster
somnyquestions · 16/03/2020 13:01

Unfortunately I have been anxious long before this man.

I will say I have almost a fake gut and I can't distinguish between my real gut. For example, there was a time when something didn't sit right and my 'gut' was entirely wrong.

I guess it's more trying to understand, can anything bad be achieved by blocking me? I think no but I need clarity!

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 16/03/2020 13:01

I was going to say you've little to worry about, though if this is causing you such distress you need help with your anxiety.
In your mind why did he block you?

EmeraldShamrock · 16/03/2020 13:02

Log out of his account too.

Original poster
somnyquestions · 16/03/2020 13:02

He still denies he blocked me, he says he unfollowed me. But he HAD to have blocked me for what happened to have happened, that is why I feel unsettled.
If he had said 'oh I must have blocked you in my pocket' I'd be able to accept it.

OP posts:
Unhomme · 16/03/2020 13:03

You lost me when you said you were relatively young and use social media. YABU purely for being so patronising.

Original poster
somnyquestions · 16/03/2020 13:03

He does know I'm logged into his account, he is very open with his phone and emails etc. his biggest defence/argument when I ask 'how comes this happened?' is 'you have access to everything how could I be hiding something'

He doesn't really care, I don't go on his profile as he doesn't get much interaction. It's logged in along with a business account we both run.

OP posts:
Original poster
somnyquestions · 16/03/2020 13:04

@Unhomme nothing I said was patronising. I know that when a thread is posted people will always say 'how old are you' and also 'why do you use social media'. The point was, we are young and in the prime social media age and therefore it's something very commonplace to us.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 16/03/2020 13:06

What could he achieve in 15 minutes, did you notice you were blocked immediately and contact him.
You don't trust him, you've had a reason to distrust him.
He could have a fake page if he wanted to mess about.

EmeraldShamrock · 16/03/2020 13:09

his biggest defence/argument when I ask 'how comes this happened?' is 'you have access to everything how could I be hiding something Is this the reason you have full access to his personal logins.
My teenage niece's and their boyfriends had over passwords as a sign of commitment, it is bonkers. 🤔
I'm nearly 40 so past that lark.

Unhomme · 16/03/2020 13:10

@somnyquestions

Nobody ever asks "why do you use social media". You should have said you are young and a little obsessed with trivial issues

mnthrowaway202020 · 16/03/2020 13:10

Okay, your problem isn’t that you were blocked but that he’s lying about it?

Under the circumstances I think an initial slight lie was understandable because he didn’t want to blow this out of proportion. But you’ve since informed him that his unfollowing story doesn’t match up with what’s actually possible, and he’s still sticking to his story.

In your position I’d feel better if he now said “I must have accidentally blocked you then” instead of insisting on a lie being true, but at the same time, I don’t personally think it’s a big deal overall.

shinyredbus · 16/03/2020 13:12

OP step back and please see how overbearing your being about this or you will lose him. You have anxiety, deal with that. He’s going to find you overbearing and over the top.

monkeymonkey2010 · 16/03/2020 13:18

You sound like a pain in the arse who holds other people responsible for your anxiety....and hounds them and harasses them and uses passive aggressive guilt trips to hold them/their actions accountable for YOUR anxiety.

I say this as someone who suffers from chronic anxiety and have done my whole life.
YOU alone are responsible for managing your anxiety - get some help from your GP/counsellor.
Otherwise, in the longterm you are damaging your relationship and will only succeed in pushing him away.

I will say I have almost a fake gut and I can't distinguish between my real gut. For example, there was a time when something didn't sit right and my 'gut' was entirely wrong
That's because you're over analysing the situation in minute detail and doing your own head in....i know what that feels like as i've been there plenty of times myself.
You're messing your own head up - and as a result you can't 'hear/feel' your true gut instinct.
Not good is it?

I guess it's more trying to understand, can anything bad be achieved by blocking me? I think no but I need clarity!
What do you want him to say? The poor guy can't do right for doing wrong!
He's open with you about his SM use...he told you straight away when he accidentally unfollowed you.....and it STILL isn't enough for you!
Maybe he accidentally blocked you when trying to block someone else?
Then unblocked YOU when he realised?
He doesn't NEED to explain that to you......is he seriously expected to account for every tiny move he makes and every action he takes?!!!!!

Having been out with someone who behaves like you and blames it on 'anxiety' rather than admit they have a jealous, controlling and manipulative streak, i can tell you that it's smothering, unattractive and extremely off-putting.

You need to STOP focussing so intently on his every tiny move.....and get professional help for YOUR issues.
I bet if he insisted on locking down his accounts for privacy - which is completely normal - you'd start accusing him of all sorts...and refuse to calm down and 'believe' him until he gave you full access again.

Uuuurgh!!!!!

dontgobaconmyheart · 16/03/2020 13:19

OP why do you even need access to his social media or to be monitoring him like this. He has a right to privacy and you either trust him or don't. The fact he lets have access surely goes a long way in indicating he isn't hiding anything, what on earth can he have possible done in 15 minutes that he cant just do anyway if he really wants, you don't own the manConfused. What is the issue with him chatting to others online and what does this have to do with you if it is platonic socialising.

I would think very hard about whether your own behaviour here is acceptable, drop it, and look for a therapist or see the GP. I really don't think this is normal norbwould get the same response if you were male doing this to a female and the relationship sounds stressful for all involved as a result. You must never feel happy unless he isn't speaking to anyone else and you can check up on everything he is doing, looking at online and who he chats with, that is not good for either of you.

daisychain01 · 16/03/2020 13:20

DH does spend a lot of time on his phone and has done some things on the internet before I am not okay with.

You both need to spend time nurturing your actual human relationship and stop obsessing about social media platforms, because it will eventually wring you both dry and make your relationship a shell.

DingleberryRose · 16/03/2020 13:23

Get some psychological help, seriously. This level of anxiety and neuroticism will ruin both your relationship and your life eventually.

mnthrowaway202020 · 16/03/2020 13:25

I do think you’re overanalysing the most tiny things - it’s like you want a detailed explanation of why he blocked you instead of accepting it would just be an accident without any actual thought process on his behalf involved

has done some things on the internet before I am not okay with.

Elaborate? This could encompass a spectrum of things

moneysavingmama · 16/03/2020 13:25

So I just blocked and unblocked my husband on insta to try this and all my likes are still there?

moneysavingmama · 16/03/2020 13:26

Oh never mind. The likes have gone from my account.

Isthistrueor · 16/03/2020 13:26

He blocked you and told you he had done it, he also unblocked you within 15 mins. What exactly do you think he did during those 15 minutes and why would he inform you he’d blocked you if he wanted to quickly don something dodgy anyway? Confused

DogInATent · 16/03/2020 13:34

I can't decide if it's a bit Howard & Hilda or a bit Creep & Controlling to expect to be in your spouse/partner's social media pockets 24/7.

Healthy relationships need a bit of private space somewhere.

Dashel · 16/03/2020 13:44

OP this is an anonymous chat room, I am a member of a few, from diving to this to receipe sites and unless your DH was a member of something more sordid, most if the moment are fairly harmless.

You do sound paranoid and quite controlling and I think you need to learn a bit of trust and get some help before you end up loosing him.

Aloe6 · 16/03/2020 13:52

You really need to log out of his account and learn how to trust him. If you really can’t, then the relationship isn’t going anywhere.

bringincrazyback · 16/03/2020 13:54

Some people are being very hard on the OP. She explained upfront she suffers from anxiety, maybe try to empathise or just refrain from making nasty comments. Those who don't know what anxiety feels like (I'm a fellow sufferer) are lucky not to know.