Is it the end of the road?

[takethepi55]

A while ago my OH and their DC moved in to my home.
There have been the usual teething problems, which I expect but I'm beginning to feel uneasy about the situation.

I more or less do everything in the home (I have no issue with this at all) I've always kept a tidy, organised home but now it's just a tip. OH does do things but isn't the tidiest person, I have to go around daily picking up clothes, collecting used dishes to wash, picking up random stuff that's left lying around left, right and centre. I asked numerous times for some help and for everyone to pull their weight. The DC do nothing, my own DC used to pull their weight before but now seems to think they don't have to.

I'm tired of it. I spend all week cleaning and sorting everything for the weekend to arrive and i can't keep on top of it all again.

There are other issues too that I don't want to go into here but I just feel lost and like a robot doing everything day in day out. I love my OH dearly but I can't help but feel like enough is enough.

I don't know how you have put up with this OP and you are 100% NOT being picky or unreasonable.

I would sit them all down and tell them that this has to change NOW. If they are unwilling to do so then they must must find somewhere else to live asap because you will not tolerate living in a pigsty made by them. You could still have a relationship with your OH, if that's what you want, but it can't be a living together one.

Hopefully this may shock at least your OH into action (although I have my doubts) To be honest I couldn't love someone who treated me like an unpaid housemaid - that would kill my love stone dead.

Good luck and hopefully peace and calm will be restored to your home very soon.

It is all too easy to jump on the bandwagon and egg you on to turf them out. Worryingly so when it's your actual life and not ours.

However, your partner is not treating you with respect. What a powerful example to your children, and how healthy for their future relationships, if you draw up every bit of self respect you can muster and go back to running YOUR home as it suits you.

She's already tried the sit downs. Didn't work. She also says there are 'other issues'. That's enough. What are the other issues, btw? He's probably also not paying for shit or is a sex pest. These types of things usually go hand in hand.

@MauriceandAlec definitely not a sex pest and and money wise OH is pretty generous.

If the sit downs didn't work what's left other than the 'you need to move out because this is untenable' statement?

How long have you been together and where did they live before?

Set aside a time every day when everyone is there and make everyone join in the tidying and cleaning. It has to be compulsory and nobody stops until everything is done.

You can make this longer at weekends but don't make it just weekends. Everybody has to pull their weight every day. Homework is no excuse. If someone has to be out, it is postponed until they are back whenever possible.

In between, do what you think is reasonable for you to do alone and leave the rest.

In between, every time you find something someone has left lying around, ask them with a cheerful but very clear tone to come and move it now, even if that interrupts a game or TV programme.

Speak to your DP first and make sure he will back you up on this. If he won't, tell him to move out. You cannot continue to provide a maid service.

They need to shape up or ship out. Your DC are learning how to be lazy and entitled by living with them.

Tell your OH he's got a week to find himself and his kids somewhere else to live.

You've given him and them umpteen chances to improve their cleanliness and they haven't, so they need to go.

Imagine how horrific it would be if you had to self-isolate with them all.

You can still date your OH, just not live with him.

UANBU. You have to think of what the long term prospects are. If it's unbearable now - when are you going to stop it? Will it be better in 2 years, 5 years time? Will they all consider they have ''rights'' the longer they stay with you? The situation will just drag you down mentally and physically. No one needs that at the moment with NHS and the virus.

A couple of questions:

How long did you know your OH before you decided to live together?

Did you actually try a few days a week living as a blended family before you asked him to move in permanently? You only mention holidays.

They have moved into your house and destroyed it! Tell them to get out and don't pay any attention to them saying they will change.

Even if you sort out the tidying, you said you’ve got different parenting style. With multiples teens, that is NEVER going to work.

What has happened to his house? Hoping this loving together is easily reversible. You’ve jumped too soon. Wait until the kids are gone.

People telling you to sit down and talk about it - you say you've already discussed it many times. Given that you're also having problems because of different parenting styles I wouldn't be discussing the situation any more. I'd be sitting down just DP and discussing how long it will take him to move them all back out again.
Just stop for a moment, sit down and remember how it was before they invaded you.

I would try one last thing. Do you do the cooking & washing of clothes for them? Go on strike. To be honest I don’t think most kids (mine included) think clearing up after themselves is important. What is important to them is having food in the house that they like to eat & clothes that don’t have dirt/stains on them & don’t smell and WiFi/internet. So - don’t buy make food for them, don’t do their washing or allow them to use the washing machine, change the WiFi/internet password. Basically don’t do anything for them (give them lifts, pay pocket money anything really) until they do things that are important to you.
Tell them the arrangement is not working for you so they need to change their behaviour. They will gain back certain privileges (and they are privileged to live with you in your house) only once they have cleared up after themselves (& done other things you list), for the period of a week ie. don’t give in straight away, they need to show a committed change.
Hope this helps. 😁

If you don't want to go home because you can't stand it then that is pretty serious. As it is your home that you are choosing to share then you have more choices than the average mum with a lazy family.

Were you happier before you lived with your partner and their kids? Does anything they bring to your life outweigh the stress and work of their mess. If the answer is no and you would rather have a calm and tidy home even if that means none of them in your life (and I can't really see your relationship surviving kicking them all out) then you know what you need to do.

All sounds a nightmare and you clearly aren't enjoying the new relationship.
Why did they move into your house? What discussions took place before hand re finances and household practicalities?

Basically how easy will it be for them to move out?

Get rid of them now, before you are on two weeks lockdown with them, as that would be unbearable

Yep, it's the end of the road.

I'd tell them all to leave. You won't be happy while they are living there and I think you already know that.