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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pee'd off DP brought a mate how straight from work and didn't tell me he was coming ...

28 replies

kitsandbits · 07/09/2007 18:49

so they knock on the door and i look an assolute state, - no make up, hair a mess! I had dinner on (kids have eat but ours has gone cold as not enough for his mate) and hes bought a playstation 3 and are playing it and I have no idea what time hes gonna go home?

OP posts:
Original poster
kitsandbits · 07/09/2007 18:50

that should've been 'home' in the title

OP posts:
Original poster
kitsandbits · 07/09/2007 19:00

is that a yes? lol

OP posts:
agnesnitt · 07/09/2007 19:11

So not only has he brought an unexpected guest home, he's squandered a few hundred pounds on a lump of pointless electronic gadgetry too?

Hanging by the testicles for him I'm afraid

Sounds like he's being a selfish prat. Leave the house absurdly early in morning, take the PS3 with you and leave him with the kids. Revenge can be so sweet

Agnes

Original poster
kitsandbits · 07/09/2007 20:59

lol agnes!!

Hes left now - the playstation was agreed so i cant beat him up over that!

OP posts:
agnesnitt · 07/09/2007 21:42

Curses!

Agnes

Anoah · 08/09/2007 07:43

I would have been unbelievably pissed off. As the mum of 3 young babies who works partime constantly switching between days and nights I am not exactly a domestic goddess. I go mental when people come around without notice.

We had DH's worthless brother living here. This 22 year old did not work nor help out around the house...but he did manage to brng his weirdo friends (strangers to me, and I have got 3 young kids in the house) in and out all the time at all hours with no warning.

Meanwhile I was trying to clean and entertain 3 little ones (2 with special needs) after a 12 hour nightshift as a staff nurse with no sleep. BIL would bring his strange friends in and out of the house all day with no warning. None of these guys had kids or were employed and they used to make comments such as "can see Anna hasn't cleaned again"....as they were sat on the playstation all day long. Asked BIL to leave and he refused. Got no back up from DH.

I did get rid of him in the end...he was crying like a baby because I am such a "bitch" and "it'll cost me (BIL) money to rent a flat!!!" He still refused to help around the house and stop bringing friends in up until the day I threatened him and forced him out. He had 10 months of warnings. It was tough getting rid of him because my DH also owns the house and was saying he could stay.

Sorry to hijack your thread but I just wanted to point out that yes, all men are selfish wankers who do nothing whilst their partners are overwhelmed and get shit on. Run over the playstation with the car.

Anoah · 08/09/2007 07:49

uh that was part time and not partime. I can spell and type but not at the same time.

LadyTophamHatt · 08/09/2007 08:10

It wouldn't bother me at all and equally I wouldn't expect DH to be annoyed if I had a friend here either.

roisin · 08/09/2007 08:43

This reminds me of a scene I will never forget.

I was round at a friend's house, and I was holding her baby whilst she dashed around helping the children (4 older ones) to lay the table, whilst she cooked the tea. Her dh arrived through the door saying "I've bought Billy for tea, hope that's OK?" and she didn't bat an eyelid.

So what's so amazing about that I hear you ask?

She had given birth the day before

BecauseImWorthIt · 08/09/2007 09:10

Sorry, but I think you are being a bit unreasonable. it is his house as well as yours and he can bring anyone round he wants. They didn't come to see you, so what you looked like was irrelevant! And if there isn't enough food, so what? They can share what you have, go without or get a takeaway!

teasle · 08/09/2007 09:12

No I don't think you are unreasonable at all! Sounds like he's not thinking.

teasle · 08/09/2007 09:14

I mean, its just courtesy isn't it? To let you know, I mean

ArguidaCod · 08/09/2007 09:15

oh fgs they werent comign to see you
YAVBU

seeker · 08/09/2007 09:24

I would have expected a phone call. But it's his house too - so maybe we're both being U!

Does anyone remember the fab scene from Good WIves when John brings someone home unexpectely and Meg's in the middle of jam making? Amaxingly tru to life and timeless!

Trinityrhino · 08/09/2007 09:24

wouldn't bother me in the slightest. dhs mates dont care what I look like. He isn't going to get tea if he turns up unexpected so would just dish up for me and dh. mate would probably get a takeaway or dh would whip him something up out of the kitchen.

equally dh doesn't care if I hqave friends over, although I do have to shout to him if he's in the bath or he strolls in with everything out lol

Anoah · 08/09/2007 09:25

It is just basic manners to give notice to the woman of the house when you are bringing a visitor. It is also basic manners to give notice before visiting someone's home. I wouldn't visit my sister or my parents unannounced unless there was some kind of emergency and they won't do it to me either. 10 minutes ago my dad phoned me to ASK if he could stop by and visit the kids with some gifts this afternoon. That's how it is done.

If you are bringing people home without giving notice or dropping by on people without calling first it implies a huge lack of respect on your part. I would ask DH before I bring friends home after work....he might have been looking forward to a quiet evening slobbed out in front of the sofa or something. Sometimes you just don't feel like having anyone around and don't want to have it forced on you in your own home.

Freckle · 08/09/2007 09:27

It wouldn't bother me if DH turned up with a friend. Both he and friend might have to take pot luck on food though.

TellusMater · 08/09/2007 09:30

You need to read Good Wives, the sequel to Little Women, in which Meg learns a salutary lesson about being the perfect wife and hostess when her husband brings home an unannounced guest

Clayhead · 08/09/2007 09:33

'It is just basic manners to give notice to the woman of the house when you are bringing a visitor.' Wow, . Does this mean dh doesn't need notice?

FWIW it wouldn't bother me at all, life would be boring if people didn't pop by as and when!

Anna8888 · 08/09/2007 09:33

YANBU.

If you don't have privacy in your own home, you don't have privacy anywhere. It is basic manners to forewarn other family members if you are bringing a visitor home.

seeker · 08/09/2007 09:35

TellusMater - I referenced Good Wives further down. I love that book!

Anoah · 08/09/2007 09:47

Clayhead if you read my whole post you would have seen that I do ask DH before I bring people around.

My 15 year old stepson came to stay for a few weeks last year. He is a nice kid but a bit dim. He started bringing mates around without asking first. We decided to give him a crash course in manners as a result. If his mum let's him get away with that stuff "because it doesn't bother her" than she isn't doing him any favours.

TellusMater · 08/09/2007 09:49

Gosh sorry seeker

Do you still love it? I read all of them when I was young and thought they were marvellous, but I read Jo's Boys a month or so ago and it was - um - pious in the extreme.

Was I just a better person all those years ago I wonder?

Anoah · 08/09/2007 09:49

He was also told that when you bring "mates" into the house...you don't just go disappearing up to your room without saying a word to anyone...you introduce them to your dad/ stepmum whatever. You especially don't avoid doing this if you haven't even given notice that you are bringing some weirdo chav into my home.

LadyTophamHatt · 08/09/2007 09:51

"give notice to the woman of the house"

blimey that sounds like something out of the dark ages...

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