Irritated

[TSMoma]

I’m so irritated right now, just need to vent. Hubby called to say he had told his friend I can watch their dog whilst they are all away for work together. I’m 10 weeks pregnant & off work with a really sore back. It was a ‘Ive said you are home and would love the company of the dog so which days can you do?’ he called whilst colleague was in earshot so I didn’t feel I could be honest! I’m so irritated I don’t even want to speak to him right now. My usual go to would be to now ignore him (petty I know) but if I call him at work and blow up I will never hear the end of it/will get judged by any eavesdroppers.

Don't havea go at him. Just ring and say you were put on the spot but he must know that with your pregnancy and bad back, dog sitting is out of the question. There is no need for a huge row, but stand your ground and say no. He has been thoughtless certainly, but if he's generally an OK sort maybe he did genuinely think you'd enjoy it.

How long have you to look after the dog?

Call him back, said you thought about it, and you are regretfully unable to do it.

What I mean is- I don’t feel like I can call him back and tell him now as he is still at work & will be with them all night inc sharing rooms. That’s likely what has irritated me- that I’m feeling obliged to just do it. I wish he would have asked me privately first or texted me. He’s in the type of work where families all help each other out, so now he has said I can do it, it will look really bitchy of me to say no (and nobody else knows I’m pg). I know it’s not from a bad place, just unthinking. I don’t know this dog and am worried about dealing with the poop whilst pg/if there’s any risks...so is the unknown

I'd just ring back and say thinking about it, it wouldn't be fair on the dog as you wouldn't be able to walk it with your back and best that he finds someone else. No point doing silent treatment, that gets you nowhere and solves nothing.

You don't need to feel obliged.

If you were away, and forgot about it, you wouldn't be able to do it either.

Much better to call and be adult about it, oh so sorry, I didn't think I can't do it/ am not here.. and be done with it.

Initially it was a week, but he said there’s possibility I can split the week with someone else if they are available too (they can’t do the full week). I love dogs, but I had a bad experience babysitting with a dog that tried to bite me as I was an unfamiliar person to them so that’s likely making me anxious too

so now he has said I can do it, it will look really bitchy of me to say no

Bitchy? How?

What kind of dog is it?

I honestly wouldn't have cared if the colleague was listening. I would be furious to be put in this situation.
It doesnt matter what dog/ how well behaved it is, who wants to be taking care of someone elses dog!

Honestly I haven’t been told what type of dog it is, it’s age or any details. Don’t know it’s name! Have to laugh really! I do run a slight risk of accidentally kidnapping a dog should it turn up unaccompanied on my door step!

Bitchy because in the community we are in, if you aren’t seen to all help out then people make quick judgements. It’s a thing of nobody minds if you don’t offer, but to take back an offer is frowned upon and as we are married if one says yes it’s seen as a yes. (We sound haha but it’s to do with a lifestyle of partners being gone a lot so frequently we all have to pitch in last minute it a child is ill, or a babysitter cancels etc)

Thanks Tiredmum10! I wouldn’t mind if it was my parents dog but even that adds a lot to my week I wasn’t looking for

Oh for goodness sake Op! Just send him a text and tell him you were caught on the wrong foot when he ran but that no, you don't want to dog sit. Then whatever comes next be nice, don't get angry, just repeat that you're not keen or confident with dogs and you don't want to do it. He's not long rung you, so it's not like you're letting anyone down. His colleague will have to make other arrangements.
If you aren't keen on dogs the last thing you need is to have one foisted on you.

but to take back an offer is frowned upon

Even if you're ill? By which I mean your bad back.

If you are generally helpful to people and other people are helpful in return then surely they'd understand?

I’d find out

If it’s a Jack Russell or something small and whiny then make your excuses

If it’s a big dopey lab or something big and friendly then YABVVVVU. Or send it to me, I’ll look after it.

What he did was pretty stupid but he was trying to be kind.
I don't understand why you can't just call him and talk to him like a grown up. You are having a child with this guy, you should probably learn how to talk to him.

If you don't want to do it, say no, it really is that simple. He should not have put you on the spot like that.

I can and will call him later. And my husband will completely understand. It’s more that our community adds pressure to these situations, and I’d rather not have been put in this situation as it will leave bad feeling (I’ve seen it happen to others before)

If you decline now, it leaves plenty of time to make alternative arrangements, not much different than having said no 30 minutes ago.

The longer you leave it, the worst it becomes.

He just rang me back to say thanks so much, they are all super grateful for me & im a superstar. Eek haha. I’ve decided to just see the funny side. They are all stressed out on this work project & im sure getting delayed wasn’t in the plan. I’m just gonna hope it’s a nice cute lab or boxer & that the other person will do a ‘timeshare.’ Silly Q but is it safe to handle dog poo when pregnant? I have rubber gloves I can throw on and ofc will wash hands straight after...is that enough (people that have dogs?).

I don't see why you couldn't have been honest when your husband called. Or why you couldn't have said "Normally it would be fine, but at the moment my health simply isn't up to it, sorry."

you should avoid dog poo as you don't know if its properly wormed etc - get a scoop if you have to sort it

You really need to learn to be more assertive.

Doormat. Leave your community. It sounds very judgemental.

@TFMoma

OMG YANBU at ALL.

My DH used to have form for this - volunteering me for stuff. Especially when the kids were little, and I worked part time. 'Oh Poppy will do it, she's not doing anything else...' And 'Poppy will take her, take him, do this, do that blah blah blah.' He even used to volunteer me to take his relatives to hospital appointments and all sorts. So fucking annoying.

I would have been pissed off at your DH personally.

It's not 'bad form' for you to say no/refuse, because you never bloody offered to do it FGS.

Don't be like me when I was much younger - I used to be a right mug - having chores handed to me, and giving lifts foisted on me, and all sorts... Apparently because I worked ONLY 24 hours a week, I had all the time in the world to run round after other people.

The last straw came when DH volunteered me to take someone's kid to school every bloody day. Her hours changed from 9am to 2pm, to 8.15am to 1.15pm and if she was able to do it, she had to have someone have her kid from 7.45am and take him to school at 9am. My kids started school at 8.30am (it was a different school a mile away,) and I would have had to drop them off at 8.20-8.25am, and keep hold of said boy til 9am when HIS school opened the doors.

Wasn't doable (or worth it) for me to go back home, so I'd have been hanging about for half an hour! Then I had work from 11am til 5pm. Because I didn't start til 11am, I had LOADS of spare time apparently...

DH told this woman I would do it (she was a neighbour,) and I went loco. I said 'how fucking DARE you? How DARE you put me forward without my permission to look after this kid from 7.30am to 9am every morning, and have the responsibility for his welfare, and taking him to school.'

He was trying to look like the 'big man' by saying 'OH don't worry luv, my missus will have him, and take him for you.'

He seemed stunned that I was angry, and said 'well WHY can't you? It will be no bother.'

Anyway, I went and told this woman (the next day) that I couldn't do it, and he had no business volunteering me. I said (honestly,) that I didn't want to take responsibility for someone else's child, and that I genuinely didn't want to do it.

She was surprisingly OK about it, and said 'that's OK. I thought it was a bit off for your husband to volunteer you for it anyway, without asking you first. I wouldn't have liked it.' She said 'I would never have dreamed of expecting you to do it, so don't worry!'

In the end, she started dropping her lad off at her mum's! And took the different hours.