WIBU - One Sided Friendship

[reginaphalange101]

I'll try to keep this short

I think I have a 'fair weather friend' - let's call her Julie. We have been friends for a couple of years now through work, and I'm starting to feel like the effort only comes from my side.

She is regularly in grumpy moods, probably 5/6 days a week. She has always been this way and I have always been supportive and tried to cheer her up. I pick her up and take her out for coffee or buy her foods she likes, or she asks for my food which is actually my lunch... I listen to her and talk to her for hours on end about her problems, or oblige when she's in 'one of those moods' and doesn't want to talk to me. I am there at her beck and call all of the time and quite honestly it can be a little draining. This has been ongoing throughout our 'friendship'.

I would do this sort of thing for any of my friends, but on some level I'd like to know if I ever needed someone, they'd be there for me too.

I am 17 weeks pregnant now and have taken a hit from the hormones over the last few months! When I've had the odd mood swing and felt a bit down, I tried to speak to her and all she would reply is 'ahh x' if she replied at all. She's been popping out to the shops on her lunch break and I've asked if she could pick me up a sandwich whilst there, she refuses. Lately I've been making conversation with her and get one or two word answers at most. I feel like our friendship has run its course and I've been a bit used.

She is having a birthday meal this weekend and quite frankly, I don't want to go. We are hardly speaking anymore as it is and I don't want to waste money on someone who doesn't treat me very nicely.

WIBU not to go? And if so, what can I say to respectfully decline?

Thanks

@urinetroubleagain exactly this - shows what's more important doesn't it... considering she is sat back on her lunch break scrolling Instagram I'm unsure where the issue is with her picking the bits up. 100% sure if I offered to still collect them despite feeling unwell her response would be 'yeah that'd be great' rather than 'nooo, your not well!'

Tossers

Good for you. Bet mutual friend doesn’t shell out her own cash for the bday stuff.

Your baby is a wonderful blessing in many ways; I'm sure you and your OH already feel that way. He/she can also be a game-changer; if you can't be a bit more assertive for your own benefit, remind yourself that you're doing it for the little one. Take care of your health, and start modelling the role model you want to be - kind-hearted, by all means, but not a sucker.
If your "friend" can't be kind to a pregnant lady, that says more about her than it does about you.
If you're looking for a way to show them that you're getting more assertive, why not drop a few hints about what gifts would be most appreciated at your baby shower...….

@Dozer she definitely won't! It was all on me or nothing. 

@twoshedsjackson a sucker is definitely a good word to describe me but I've had enough of it now. Will not be making effort for those who wouldn't do the same for me. Getting brutal with these friendship scissors and cutting a lot of people off for my own well-being!!

I'm a huge people pleaser, I can't help it

Yes. Yes you can.

She isn't your friend, and of course the mutual friend probably isn't her friend either since she cba to get any cake/balloons.

I'm not a fan of confrontation myself. I'm also not a fan of having to explain myself. If I don't want to do something or go somewhere, I don't. End of. So if friend says to meet up, or pick up lunch or anything, honestly, I'd just not reply and slowly ghost her.

At the end of the day, the friendship is not adding value to your life. ITS TAKING YOUR LUNCH INSTEAD.

So whether you disappeared with or without an explanation, is your choice. Without explanation is the route with less drama.

stop being a doormat - why do you feel you 'need' other people's approval so much?
work on your boundaries - you invested waaaaay too much energy into this work colleague.

@monkeymonkey2010 low self esteem and anxiety issues. I have noted in the thread that I've put my foot down with her though which wasn't easy but better late than never

Yes not a true friend what a user!! Have let some friends fizzle too as was all 1 sided contact. Hope you feeling ok

Well done regin !

Regina, I've had a 'friend' exactly like Julie. I let it continue for a couple of years. I thought she would one day surprise me and do something for me for a change. Even just appear to be interested in my news- good and not so good. To treat me like I treated her.
So I declined an invitation to her party for a significant birthday. It was way out in the middle of nowhere- I would have to drive an hour each way. Only certain friends were being put up and I wasn't one of them but I could sleep in my car
From then, our friendship cooled hugely and we are very rarely in touch now. I learned not to get involved in a situation like that ever again.

Yes you dont need users in your life. Had a few like that take take got tired of it. I let some friends fizzle out. Prob harder in work as daily contact.