Too old

[GrannyBags]

Close friend’s birthday today. I asked if she wanted to go out for coffee or anything but she said she’s working a late so going to have a long lie in before work. Fair enough. But a mutual friend just text to say they are having lunch together. I’m not bothered about them having lunch, but I’m a little confused as to why friend lied and why mutual friend felt the need to text me. We are middle aged married women - surely we are too old for this playground type stuff? I’ve messaged friend to say Happy Birthday but I’m unsure whether to mention it next time I see her, which will be Thursday or to just leave it.
Yes - mention it
No - let it go

How strange, that's hurtful behaviour. Couldn't she just have said she was going for lunch? Or even asked you to join them? I can't be bothered with this kind of pettiness, I had a massive, unrepairable falling out with my best friend (she was totally unreasonable !) and since then I've kept my circle very small. I prefer the company of animals to people - you know where you are with animals! I agree, this is playground stuff that you'd hope to be past by now. I'm not sure whether you should say anything or not though.

That’s exactly the point - if she had said she was having lunch with mutual friend I wouldn’t have thought more about it. I don’t feel left out so much as confused as to why they are making it a bigger deal than it is.

Are you Jane, and is this other friend Sarah?

Maybe they arranged the lunch before you asked her out for coffee.

@Smartanimal - they probably did so if she had said that I’d have said fine we’ll do coffee another time. I’ve never been petty or possessive or given her any reason to think I might be.

None of us are called Sarah or Jane!

High school never ends does it! I'd ignore it if I was you and carry on as normal.

@Somanysocks is referring to this post:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3844955-Is-this-normal-Jealous-friend

@Somanysocks

I think people sometimes feel awkward about stuff like this so lie rather than make someone feel left out which is obviously a daft solution!

Yes - mention it
No - let it go

How does that related to YABU and YANBU? Is YABU yes and YANBU no?

Anyhow, I wouldn't mention it. It was a white lie, let it slide.

Let it go - don’t add to the drama. Yes, they’ve behaved badly but not in a way that calling it out would be of any help. You have my sympathy though as, despite the fact we’re supposedly old enough to have properly thick skins, it still hurts when people pull this shit.

@GrannyBags YANBU to be hurt, and that is shitty behaviour.

Not the fact that she has gone out with another friend and not you, but the fact she blatantly lied.

You could either

1. call her out on it and ask why she lied.

Or

2. start giving her a wide berth, and avoiding meeting up with her, and when she asks why, then tell her then.

If you do option 1 (call her out now,) she will probably lie her way out of it anyway. So I would just go with option 2, and give her a wide berth for a bit. Maybe even ghost her for a few weeks.

OP, that sort of idiocy would turn me off people so quickly.

Tiresome.

Well obviously you ask her how the lunch was...

Ghosting her seems a bit childish and asking how the lunch was seems a bit petty.
The replies on here have helped as I realise that I’m not being paranoid. I’m happy to just let it go. DH feels that mutual friend is the one shit stirring as she was the one who randomly text about it. He thinks I’ll get a message or photo from her around lunchtime...

Would rather be petty than a liar op.

@Windyatthebeach
I suppose that’s true.

@GrannyBags

Let it go if you want to. Personally, I wouldn't tolerate being treated like this.

Don't be a doormat. You were bothered enough about it to post on here, so it's obviously got to you.

I would be giving her a wide berth personally. She's not much of a friend.

So, the mutual friend posted on FB earlier about how she was looking forward to lunch with a ‘special friend’. Birthday friend is not on FB, obviously I am. I’ve not responded. DH is killing himself laughing as that’s almost what he thought would happen. Tried to send a message to find to let her know about lunch but everything I put sounded like I’m upset or totally passive aggressive so I’m going to leave it till tomorrow.

I think this is an overreaction tbh. Birthday friend made plans with another friend and told a white lie so as to spare your feelings.

Other friend is a stirrer though!

I'd text birthday friend and ask how lunch was.

TBH I prefer meeting people 1-2-1, perhaps they haven't had a proper talk in ages. Mutual friend sounds a bit childish or maybe she just didn't know you'd asked her for coffee.

Well you could say ‘enjoy lunch with Anne, looking forward to catching up next week!’ I couldn’t not let her know I knew she’d lied!

Shitstirrer friend wants you to know birthday friend likes her more not you. Nya nya na na na.

You've got one friend who lives
One who shit stirs

Don't ghost them but also find some better quality friends.

*lies

Mutual friend is a stirrer. For all you know she could have made a big deal about how she wanted to take close friend out for lunch on her birthday just them two and is trying to cause a wedge. Don’t give her what she wants.