Is this normal ? Jealous friend ?

[GaaaaarlicBread]

I feel like I have to ask if this is normal behaviour or whether My friend is being unreasonable because she’s making me feel like it’s ok so I’m confused .
My husband and I have a friend , she’s a little older than us but not by far. I’ll call her Jane. We then have another friend who’s the same age as us, I’ll call her Sarah. We made friends with Sarah after we met Jane but they work together. Jane has started being really unreasonable to myself and my husband since she’s found out we are friends with Sarah as she works with her and doesn’t like her , except Sarah has zero idea why Jane dislikes her so much as she’s never done anything wrong so we’ve put it down to jealously Sarah has got children, she’s married, owns a house. Jane doesn’t and she’s always been funny with Sarah when she found out she’s ‘done more with her life than hers. My husband and I are really close to Sarah, talk daily (me more than my husband), we are sociable and meet up. We have much more in common. But since Jane found out we are friends she’s been rude to me, made comments like ‘having fun with your new best friend?’ , being rude to DH too, and he hates conflict as do I.
Is this normal behaviour ? I don’t think it is and I’ve never come across it before unless it was in the playground in bloomin year 1 if you didn’t invite a friend to a sleepover 😏
But she’s making me feel like I’m in the wrong having another friend . This isn’t a joke either and I hope I’ve given enough info but please ask me for more details if needed, although I’m on my way to work so won’t be able to check in for a few hours.
We haven’t done anything to make Jane feel left out either because why should we invite her out if she hates Sarah?? And she’s making me not want to go out with her anyway as she’s being so vile .
Like I say she’s older than us too.
Not sure how to deal with it , shall I just distance myself from Jane ?

I can see I’ve repeated myself a bit but I’m walking to work so it’s a little jumbled sorry!

Jane sounds incredibly jealous of your friendship with Sarah and is behaving like a child. I'd carry on seeing Sarah and if Jane asks why is she being left out I'd tell her that it's because of her jealous behaviour. Life's too short to deal with dramas especially if they cause you to feel uncomfortable with who you can and can't be friends with.

Ask her what her problem is.

Everything that @HedgehogDramas said! Perfect response. If Jane wants a drama she can have it by herself. If she wants you to chose between her and Sarah, you chose Sarah. Jane sounds immature.

Drop Jane, purely for the fact she's souring your friendship with nasty spiteful comments about your other friend.

It is not normal behaviour for adults no. I’d probably distance myself from Jane. You get to choose the people you surround yourself with, make it people who bring positivity not drama.

Jane sounds extremely immature and insecure. I had an issue with a friend as an adult and had never had problems before. Eventually we sat down and talked about it (with her husband present). She basically explained to me all the ways I had been a "bad" friend, but that if I apologized and straightened up she would deign to accept me again. During that part of the conversation she told me quite openly that some uncomfortable behavior she had subjected me to at our 2nd child's baptism party was intentional and she had come there to "punish me". I was so stunned by her admission (as up to that point I was constantly excusing her behavior away to myself) that I went home and had trouble sleeping.

I went back the next evening for round two and explained that I thanked her for our honest chat but on reflection I had decided that this was not actually a friendship and would be leaving it there. I was polite and left. I was glad to have her DH there as witness again so nothing could be twisted or explained away.

It is so weird when you encounter these problems as adults, but please don't spend your precious time on someone who sucks the joy out of life, is resentful and unapologetic. You might actually want to read the definitions of personal disorders, especially Cluster B. I am not suggesting that everyone has a PD, but I had never heard of them. I found out later that this former friend had a history of broken relationships, friends, family, co-workers which is a classic sign of a PD because they struggle with relationships tremendously. Just reading the definitions can be really enlightening.

I hope this is a reverse and its really about a 5 year old . Dump this immature friend asap.

Yeah cut her loose! I got rid of a toxic friend like this last year - the relief!

She used to hate me being friends anyone else - was travelling for a few months and she used to post things under the photos like "oh not long til your time in the sun is over and you are back here!!"

Went on a day out to a farm with my husband, stepson & a friend and their son - and she hit the roof that we hadn't invited her..

Things like this over and over again - told me my husband was being controlling by accepting a job in a different Country and us both deciding to move together! lol

So many things!

Feel so relieved now she's gone

FGS, you will need to grow a backbone or you will be walked over. "Not Confrontational" indeed, its not rude to call someone out over their bad behaviour, don't be a doormat, speak up.

Have you asked her why she doesn't like Sarah?

“yes, I am.” And leave it at that. Drop Jane, immature drama has no place in life after primary school

Id have a honest chat with her, if you really are her friend.

She might be having regrets about the choices she made and needs to talk about it. Also, how old is she? Is she peri-menopause age? My personality changed and i was grateful to those that pointed it out, rather than dropped me.

Likewise if she is your friend, she'll cut the sarcasm and trying to make you feel bad.

We're not all perfect all the time and sometimes we need our friends to pull us up while being understanding.

Yes this is totally normal.
If everyone involved is 5 years old.

There may be more to this than you realise. Do you only have Sarah’s word that she has never done or said anything to upset Jane? I also think you are stereotyping Jane as an embittered childless old spinster.

Great advice above.

Life is too short and precious for this bull.

People like this take your peace and as you get older you realise your peace is priceless, like your health.

I think Jane has wrecked your relationship.
I don't think there is any repairing it.

I feel very sorry for Sarah for having to deal with Jane in work.

In conclusion.....cut Jane loose.

It's an immature way of dealing with it by Jane. But Sarah not knowing, or claiming not to know, what she's done, doesn't necessarily mean that she's not done anything. I would need to ask Jane why she has a problem with Sarah and then how I'd handle it would depend on what she said.

Agree with others. She is jealous and toxic. Carry on with your friendship with new friend. When shes being nasty about her, you ought to say, "that's not nice, she is lovely."

I’d speak to Jane and ask her why she doesn’t like Sarah. I’d do this in a neutral kind of way because I’d want to not accuse Jane and I’d want to get her side of the story.

Depending on what Jane said and how believable it was, I’d then make a decision. It sounds like you’re getting on with Sarah better anyway, but for my own peace of mind, I’d want that chat with Jane.

Definitely ask her what her problem with Sarah is. Has Sarah interfered with Jane's friendships before? It would be interesting to find out what her problem is. If you liked Jane and were good friends with her before Sarah came.along then it is worth probing a bit more.

I’d drop Jane as a friend she sounds toxic and immature.

I wish it was a reverse and that Jane is in fact 5 years old but that’s not the case .
I can tell you now that Jane doesn’t like Sarah because of jealousy , as she has openly said before that she just doesn’t like Sarah, and my husband asked why and she said ‘i just don’t’ if Sarah had done something to Jane , Jane would’ve said I don’t like her for xyz reasons as she’s very outspoken and wouldn’t care about sharing it.
Apparently Jane has been vile at work today, so I’m wondering whether to approach her ?

Sarah and Jane have only known each other a year at work, I have had a few issues with Jane before where she’s commented on my husbands weight , been quite offensive and she hates everyone she works with apart from my husband and another girl. She is always slagging people off and generally dislikes most people

If she is always slagging people off and dislikes most people then it wouldn't be a friendship I would be inclined to continue.

Primarily because I find that negative behaviour such as that Jane is displaying to be toxic and exhausting.

Discuss it with by all means, but she is unlikely to recognise that her behaviour is childish and unkind.

@lachy I completely agree . I said to my husband after we last met up with her before Christmas that I’m finding her negativity and bitichiness draining and he agreed . I’ll probably just back off and leave her now x