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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants to bring his mum on our night out

44 replies

ReallyBadSmellyCat · 10/03/2020 16:11

Me and my cousins were all close as we were kids and as we grew up. We’ve kind of drifted apart in adulthood but still keep in touch via Facebook etc and see each other when we visit my grandma etc.

A night out has been organised for all “the cousins and partners” at the end of March. DH wants to bring his mum and son along!

It’s supposed to be a cousins get together and we haven’t had a night out in so long. I think bringing his mum along is bloody stupid. I can kind of understand the son as he’s early 20s but he’s autistic so acts much younger and will need looking after all night. This isn’t the kind of night out i was looking forward to. Everyone else will be enjoying themselves as adults and we’ll be sat there looking after MIL and DSS. AIBU to tell him it’s either just me and him or I’ll simply go on my own? It would change the whole dynamic of the night otherwise.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 10/03/2020 16:12

Not at all unreasonable
Tell him they're not invited

CuriousaboutSamphire · 10/03/2020 16:14

But they aren't invited? Does he not want to go? It seems such a weird thing to do...

IckyIsAFuckingStupidWord · 10/03/2020 16:15

So your husband wants to bring his mum to an evening out with your cousins? Why? I don’t get why?

Needbettername · 10/03/2020 16:15

Is it your cousins or his?! Yours then definitely can tell them not to come. A bit harder if it's his family as you can't really dictate then.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 10/03/2020 16:15

And look. 114% of posters agree with you Grin

Wonkybanana · 10/03/2020 16:17

Definitely YANBU, this is for your family. It's just the two of you or you go alone. I think I'd go for the latter, as if he goes he may well be mardy and spoil it for you anyway.

Does he normally insist on bringing his mother and son to things?

Original poster
ReallyBadSmellyCat · 10/03/2020 16:17

He said he wanted to go and seemed enthusiastic about it then all of a sudden announced “oh I should invite my mother! She’d like a night out! And DS too!

MIL and DSS are both great and I do get on with them but the thought of turning up to the pub with MIL and DSS makes me want to not go. It’s a pub crawl, not a sit down meal type thing, it seems so odd and inappropriate

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 10/03/2020 16:18

If he wants a night out he can plan one. Fucking rude to try and piggy back yours. Completely unfair on everyone else too. And it’s you they’d be blaming!

Just say no. You see your cousins, he takes his mum and son out or has them over.

hellcarryingahandbag · 10/03/2020 16:18

Why was he going in the first place? Is he your cousin?

Isadora2007 · 10/03/2020 16:19

He can have his own night out with his mum and son. Or his mum could go out with the son? But yanbu to say they’re not coming to your cousins night out. That’s just weird.

CalmdownJanet · 10/03/2020 16:20

Totally odd. Tell him feel free to not go and go out with mil & ds but to not even attempt to meet up with ye or "casually run into follow you with his mammy you"

Original poster
ReallyBadSmellyCat · 10/03/2020 16:20

It’s my family.

We do stuff with his family and I never say “oh I’ll invite my mum!” Etc ... it wouldn’t cross my mind. Plus I imagine the blokes might have a right laugh about it. SmellyCats DH had to bring his mummy along etc etc

OP posts:
nestisflown · 10/03/2020 16:20

Absolutely not. I would uninvite him. That's so inappropriate and if he actually turns up with his mum and step son, like you said it will change the dynamic and might cause your cousins you leave you out of the next get together.

Ninkanink · 10/03/2020 16:21

Just tell him he can’t! That is so unbelievably rude, inviting people along to something you’ve not organised. But even beyond that it’s just weird.

Original poster
ReallyBadSmellyCat · 10/03/2020 16:21

It’s a night out for cousins and partners as I said in my OP. No DH is not my cousin ffs

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 10/03/2020 16:24

of YANBU, tell him no it's just cousins and partners

JasonBrun · 10/03/2020 16:24

That's so weird. Tell him either he comes alone or he doesn't come at all.

ContessaferJones · 10/03/2020 16:24

Does he realise it's a pub crawl?

gamerchick · 10/03/2020 16:24

Tell him if he's going to bring them then he's uninvited and you'll go on your own.

He can arrange a night out with them for himself. I do understand his reasoning, especially if it's been on his mind to spend more time with them and this ticks all boxes. But no.

Firelink · 10/03/2020 16:25

Come on, be kind.

NemoTeamo · 10/03/2020 16:25

Your DH is being weird and possessive. It makes him and you look... Odd.

Is your DH also autistic?

Tell him in no uncertain terms : No.

Ninkanink · 10/03/2020 16:27

Just for the avoidance of doubt, OP has clearly said that her DH is invited - ‘cousins and partners’. It’s trying to bring mummy along that’s weird.

hellcarryingahandbag · 10/03/2020 16:28

@ReallyBadSmellyCat why are the partners invited? Would you not rather see your blood relatives?

RandomMess · 10/03/2020 16:30

It's easy to say to DH "it's just my cousins and their partners no one else is invited or welcome"

QueenArseClangers · 10/03/2020 16:31

What on earth does ‘be kind’ mean @Firelink?

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