Aibu to confront mil over this?

[notanothermil]

We have a fractured relationship I have name changed

Would you be cross if your baby came back walked home in a pram with a vest on not done up no trousers and just a blanket on them? They were asleep. She had put him to sleep like that in his buggy

I gave her a huge bib apron thing that takes approx 3 seconds to put on and doesn't pull over their head

My son was fully dressed when he went there

I gave her a change of clothes in his nappy bag

Went to look under pram and see this ...

Would you say something??

I really couldn't get animated about a banana stained vest either. Spray with Vanish, hot wash. If that doesn't work, vests are dirt cheap anyway

Banana doesn’t come out once it’s gone black like that. And why should the OP have to buy new clothes, cheap or not? What a waste of perfectly good clothes.

If your MIL (or anyone) doesn’t meet the standards you expect when looking after your child then don’t let it continue. I wouldn’t confront her, I’d just stop unsupervised contact.

He won't see them because they have bullied him for years and he has had enough
They took money out of a business he owns without telling him
They raised him in a strict religion and he missed out on a lot as a child
If I don't want to see her I don't have to and neither do the kids
He doesn't want to talk to them and yet still he doesn't want to hurt them
It's very hard to manage
I'm not a door mat or disrespectful to my husband
I've been worn down by his family by years of dishonestly and I do feel they coerced him
The kids aren't in danger with her
I'll be with her next time if she sees them I think I want space from her now to think about things and to chat to my husband when is home from work
We are both victims of the whole side of his family being bullies and I try to do the right thing
When I speak to my parents about it they don't want to get involved and say anything bad about them so Its hard to know where to go next
I think counselling would be useful

Gosh I sometimes look after my little niece and would not send her back like that. And I'm not a bit fussy about my own. Surely someone else's child you'd be making sure they go back looking nice so the parents are reassured. Just text and ask for the clothes back but I'd not say nothing about the rest Your not BU though

@FamilyOfAliens you are right banana doesn't come out if it's gone black
I know because this is my second child and I learnt the hard way
Also they might be cheap to some but they aren't cheap to me I get thick ones to keep him warm and I didn't keep the clothes from my first baby (whole other story but nothing to do with MIL just thought I would never have another baby because first pregnancy was so bad

I don't want to have to buy anything extra because she's damaged it cheap or not!

I think it’s commendable to facilitate the grandmother - grandchild connection, provided it’s not harming the child. This doesn’t sound as if it’s harming the child, but a bit concerning, combined with what you’ve mentioned of the backstory.

Could she visit, without taking the child out?

I'm also not known for being pristine or immaculate
It's a running joke about my three year old finding ketchup on his clothes and face even when he hasn't eaten
He is always scrabbling around they have always got mud on them

They are also both always dressed to be warm
And I wouldn't stain another babies clothes and hand them back without a word

Dirty clothes wouldn’t bother me, a cold baby would.

@WwfLeopard YABU, look after your own kid if you don’t like how MIL does

What a ridiculous, almost troll-like statement to make!
Would you be saying that if her MIL had (god forbid) abused or neglected OP's child?! Where the actual fuck do you draw the line????

Extremely childish response, grow up

'confront'? No

• ask for your clothes back - yes
• worry about a sleeping baby under a blanket being too cold - no
• worry about a dirty vest - no

Have you posted about in laws before?

Your dh their son is nc but you’re still making your dc see them?

If you’re who I think then you’ve been asked numerous times on previous threads WHY you’re insisting on your dc having contact when your dh is nc and you only see them to hand over the very young dc!

As to this particular issue, yes if someone I’d entrusted to care for a baby sent them out barely dressed in the winter and in filthy clothes that’s completely unacceptable and I would not be trusting them again.

Attilathemeerkat as always is spot on! This is not love this is control and selfishness!

“The kids aren't in danger with her” I heartily disagree as someone with MANY years of caring for babies and young children AND from a toxic family myself such neglectful attitudes and practices ARE dangerous with such young children especially.

It’s a sign of a “can’t be bothered” approach to her grandchild. Not the dirt, but not putting his trousers back on.

That’s what seems a bit concerning, to me.

@coconuttelegraph You actually put already dirty clothes onto your children? Because you "can't be doing with all the washing???"

If your sending back just pop him in cheap plain babygrow. Least you arnt losing nice clothes

I would text her and tell her if she can't keep the children/child dressed appropriately for the weather, they will no longer visit alone. Also that you will pop round and pick up the clothes that she didn't return tomorrow.

If she can't be bothered dressing him (you provided spares)I'd wonder what else can't she be bothered to do & be rarher uneasy re leaving him with her. I'd make contact at your place, the park or a neutral close by venue for coffee.

In isolation, the vest and blanket for a 4 minute walk would not particularly concern me.
I would be asking for the missing clothes back.

The big issue is that she's happy to screw her own son over to the point that he's NC.
I would not be facilitating her doing that to the next generation particularly if she's lacklustre about caring for the baby and their possesions.

Grandchildren are a privilage, not a right.

Do you think she's selling the clothes OP? I don't understand why she wouldn't have them straight back.

*hand

He won't see them because they have bullied him for years and he has had enough
They took money out of a business he owns without telling him
They raised him in a strict religion and he missed out on a lot as a child
If I don't want to see her I don't have to and neither do the kids

You have bigger problems than banana on a vest and an inappropriately dressed child.

I’d be upset if my baby came back like that. It’s thoughtless and worryingly haphazard. ‘Losing’ your clothes is also thoughtless - or deliberate. MIl is either incapable or purposely goading you.

I get why you might think you’re doing the right thing but your priority is your DC. If the whole family are bullies and your DH is no contact with them then why would you subject your children to them? You really don’t have to.

I wondered if she was selling the clothes. Go round and ask for them back, make a list if you can. Then ffs stop going round.

My sister went through this clothes thing with her ILs. Her DD would go out to them in matching sets. Would always return with part or all of the clothes missing and dressed in something cheap and nasty they'd bought. It was bizarre. Even coming home with one shoe, sandal or trainer in her bag and wearing unsuitable replacements (with heels usually).
It got to the point where she had to send her in the tat that they provided. Went on for years and they were bullies too. Not quite the same history as you describe but contributed to my poor DSis MH.

If I did think MIL was taking her own grandchild's clothes to sell, he wouldn't be going back there again.