AIBU? Partner with rent

[NCSJ18]

It's long so bare with me
So since 2018 my OH has not paid his half of the rent on time. We agreed to divide all bills in half
So I was paying the full rent and bills and he would pay me back! He earned roughly 400+ PW I earned 300 fast forward to March 2019 he lost his job so I obv paid everything no complaints no owing etc he got a job in sept 2019 and same again rent day came he wouldn't have full or any so I paid he gave back when he had it! Nov 2019 our son was born so my pay obviously went down! But still rent day nothing so I was left with nothing as I had to pay rent so we wouldn't become homeless..
anyway skip to now! I was paying all bills and only epexcting his half of the rent I thought that was fair enough.. He lost his job in jan20 but he hadn't paid dec19 rent or food bills but I'm refusing to budge that he still owes me money for December and now February/March as he is back in work! He is kicking of somthing rotten as he feels he shouldn't owe anything as we are in a relationship so it's shouldn't be owing! But if that's the case he wouldn't be financially contributing to our house for 3/4 months now ie no food, Rent, etc I was paying all his travel cost, lunches in February and now I really don't think I'm being unreasonable as just because he's my OH does not in-title him to not contribute, he has been talking to his family and he says they feel the same as him that he should NOT owe me anything.
Thankyou for reading this far! Any advise if I am in the wrong please tell me

You are going to lose everything one way or the other-your pitiful excuse of a partner is going to lose his job again and you'll be bankrupt supporting all three of you. Do you honestly think he's a great father when you had to return to work early on maternity leave for god's sake????? Jeez I'd gladly sleep on the sofa at my parents to bounce that sponger out of my life

Just not sure where to go from here atm as I know I'm too soft and don't want to make him homeless by kicking him out as he's lives no where near his family

Not your problem OP, your only problem is your and your child.

Does he do any childcare, housework, washing, cooking?

He's really not a good father.

He'd rather buy cigarettes than keep a roof over your heads. He treats his childs mother like shit.

Would you want your daughter to end up with someone like him?

Don’t feel shit about it.
You’ve realised there is an issue and rather than burying your head in the sand, you are here asking for advice.

I know it’s scary going it alone. First time I did it I was shitting it. Now, it’s got to be a very special man who lives with me and my dc’s. So far, 5 or so years later, still not found him. Not saying I haven’t had fun trying to find him!!

You living apart doesn’t have to involve you moving back to your parents. There are lots of options out there, including him moving into a houseshare.
Local housing also have a list of ll’s who are easier to rent with and not all require a deposit. Local friend/family/colleagues/acquaintances may know of a no deposit landlord.

I’m not going to lie, the first month or 2 will be the hardest financially. But not impossible. It will be temporary whilst any financial help gets sorted. But the quicker you hand everything in, the quicker this will end.

In the meantime it’s possible to negotiate with any company that you owe money to. If you seperate, contact them and explain beforehand that you need a temporary break/reduced payment. Some will say no, but won’t do anything other than threaten legal action as long as you pay the new amount you suggested. Also put the new terms in an email and send it. Stating new amount and for how long.

If you feel overwhelmed at the thought of this, and I get it, there are places that will help for free including CAB.

You will also be surprised how people help in times of need, including those who are adamant they would never help.

One of the ways I saved a fortune on childcare was a share thing a few of us started. I’d watch yours all day Sunday, and you have mine on Wednesday for example. It meant that we didn’t have to work normal childcare hours, or simply to save costs.
Because a few of us were involved with a variety of jobs, it helped an awful lot during the school holidays. And it was normal for someone else’s kid to be on holiday with you. Obviously we paid for the costs, Travel, insurance and spends. And yes something for the adult. Still cheaper than 2 weeks paid childcare 🤣

Never mind the win of having a nice long break.

I think that is what's making this decision harder is my son as he's 15m now so he knows daddy is etc I think if I would of done it sooner I wouldn't feel so guilty

In another 15 months time, will you be saying "I wish I'd left 15 months ago!"? You can't change the last 15 months, but you can change the next 15.

he quit to start a new job which had more rewards IE working his way up the ranks but that didn't start till mid jan!

So he didn't "lose" his job, he quit it. And he did so at the most expensive time of the year to boot! He did so knowing full well that there were no consequences for this as you'd pull up the slack.

My mum lost her (well-paid, good career) job when we were young. She scrubbed toilets and worked in a pub to make sure there was enough money coming in to bridge the gap until she could get something else. That is what being a good parent is.

There are always plenty of temp jobs over Christmas (maybe not your ideal career, but waiting tables, pulling pints whatever, there is usually something available if you really want to find it). He chose to do nothing apart from take from you and put pressure on your already stretched finances. He sounds like a teenager, not like a partner and certainly not like a good father.

Please open your eyes, OP!

He is lving off you and potentially taking food from your son's mouth, his home from over his head!

Do all you can to get him out of your home and out of your bank balance!

You don’t seem to take this as seriously as it is... you keep doing laughing emojis.

He happily refused to pay you, is spending all his money elsewhere and leaving you and your son with nothing and left you with £10 to survive.

He’s a freeloading waster while can’t seem to hold down a job and prioritises himself above his partner and son.

Kick him out. He’ll soon learn...

this is so depressing. another woman putting up with the same shit.

OP, he is wasting your life. Stop worrying about him and get rid. He will survive. He is sucking the life out of you.

Where does his money go? My DP smokes and he works full time and I’m SAHM. He’s taking your for a ride sorry but I’d be saying ‘I’m moving back to my mothers as your making me live on nothing and it’s not fair to our son or me so you need to make other arrangements’ see if that gives him a kick up the arse! His family sounds like my DP family but glad he never listened to them really (I have my own savings so not as if I rely on him, but we use that just to buy bits and bobs after bills) your meant to be a team what’s he teaching your son? It’s wrong the way he’s treating you

Sounds like he’s doing drugs on the side or gambling. Smoking wouldn’t take his entire wages. Kick him out and tell him he can’t come back until he pays you back and starts paying for things. You’ve already put up with it for years, so he probably doesn’t think you’ll do anything about it so will continue to take advantage.

@NCSJ18, please take a look at this thread from @BibbityBobbityBastards.

You say I think that is what's making this decision harder is my son as he's 15m now so he knows daddy is etc. I think if I would of done it sooner I wouldn't feel so guilty. You could waste another 15 months or you could start on a journey to a totally different situation with someone who treats you as you should be treated.

Please read this and see that things could change.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3843094-to-say-thank-you

My very first LTB!

Doesn’t pay his bills, can’t keep a job. Kicks off at you when you point this out, bitches to his family. What are his good points?

Get rid.

He is pathetic.

Your things can be temporarily be put into storage if you had to move in with parents before starting again.

It will end with him not working at all and you paying everything forever.
He is not a good father at all and you can kick him out.

your partner is taking you for a ride sadly.

Not in any relationship would I expect my partner or wife to carry me like your doing, its selfish even more to not even think about paying you back the months you have covered him.

I don't see this ending well..

Kick the sponging bastard into touch, pronto. Anyone that thinks rent just takes care of itself like that is an untrustworthy partner.