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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to work?

33 replies

TenPointsForGryffindor · 08/03/2020 12:48

I've just received a snotty WhatsApp from a colleague (who even though he is newish to the company and inexperienced, seems to thinks he's my manager. He's not. I actually trained him) asking if I'm "going to bother coming in today".

I messaged back saying no one had told me I was in today. I'd had no notification to change of rota on my work app and hadn't needed to check my rota for this week yet. He then told me to come in ASAP and I told him I was out and can't make it in and apologised but reiterated that I was unaware I had be put down.

For background, I work part time set hours midweek due to childcare and they are aware that my DH is currently working 6-7 day weeks due to all the damage from recent storms. Although, if they ask, I often work 1 or 2 Sundays a month with plenty of notice.

I've now been told I need to ring my manager immediately to explain myself and face a disciplinary tomorrow. This will also go down as an unauthorised absence. My second one in 6 months for exactly the same reason. However, last time I was actually on HOLIDAY when it happened and they still said it was my fault!

So, AIBU to tell them to stick their job up their arses? Or am I in the wrong for not dropping everything and ditching my only day with DH and DC all month to work for minimum wage in a shitty environment?

It just feels like too much at the moment. I feel like I'm dropping all the plates and letting everyone down.

OP posts:
fiddledefiddle · 08/03/2020 12:50

It depends if you are 100% sure that you are not meant to be at work and how much you need to keep your job.

Winterwoollies · 08/03/2020 12:50

So they change the rota at the last minute, fail to notify you and then punish you when you don’t come in? And they ddI that during your arranges leave and STILL punished you?

I’d go in tomorrow armed to raise those points with the manager and then if they are difficult, continue to blame you and you can afford it, submit your resignation and find something else.

QuestionableMouse · 08/03/2020 12:53

I wouldn't go in.

They should have notified you in good time of any changes and made sure you were aware of when you were expected to work.

There's also no need for the attitude from your colleague.

Original poster
TenPointsForGryffindor · 08/03/2020 12:56

We can afford for me to be off for a month maybe 2. TBH the only reason I'm still there is because my old manager was brilliant when I came back from mat leave and let me work the hours that best suited my childcare arrangements.

I doubt I'd get that elsewhere and childcare is crippling at the moment even with the '30 hours free' and DC nursery is not at all flexible with it. I'm too late to change his hours before next term so may have to wait for the one after or pay full price again.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 08/03/2020 12:57

What's the story behind the holiday issue?

And why aren't you insisting on proof you were asked and agreed to work?

Original poster
TenPointsForGryffindor · 08/03/2020 13:04

Worra, I work between Monday and Thursday so I had only booked those days off. DH, DC and I went on a short holiday in the UK and I got a message on the Friday asking why I wasn't at work.

OP posts:
Original poster
TenPointsForGryffindor · 08/03/2020 13:06

Also worra, I have taken screenshots of my work apps email/message folder and there is no evidence of them putting me in for extra hours. That is where it would normally appear when management put extra days on your rota. There's not much else I can do. No a management have messaged me or verbally informed me prior to today.

OP posts:
OlaEliza · 08/03/2020 13:11

Are you in a union?

CheekyMango · 08/03/2020 13:11

Go in, accuse your colleague of harrasment, which it completely is. Then state everything here and mention its causing you undue stress and if it continues you'll be persuing constructive dismissal. Along with victimisation or whatever the word is for being a working mother.

WorraLiberty · 08/03/2020 13:26

Sorry if I'm being dim but how did the last one go down as unauthorised absence then?

Original poster
TenPointsForGryffindor · 08/03/2020 13:39

The last one went down as an absence because I didn't turn up and they can't take my hours off the rota. They didn't have to put it down as unauthorised absence, there are other labels they can put it under. I think they were annoyed because I hadn't looked at my rota (for a week in which I wasn't even in the same county).

OP posts:
Falcor40 · 08/03/2020 13:44

Not in the same country? Do you not work in the uk? Your post above said you went for a short break in the uk.

MT2017 · 08/03/2020 13:47

I would not have answered him but would have messaged manager instead.

And I certainly would not have let the last issue go down as my fault as it now makes you look like the pattern is your repeated error.

Hope you find a way to sort it out.

StealthPolarBear · 08/03/2020 13:49

When do the rotas go out? Surely there's a day you're meant to check and then any changes require them to notify you?

incognitomum · 08/03/2020 13:52

@Falcor40 County....not country.

I'd be going ape about this. Get some advice, maybe from CAB?

HarrietThePi · 08/03/2020 13:53

County not country Falcor.

Yanbu op. When are you next supposed to be in work? I would show them the screenshots that you have then, explain that the first you heard was when that guy rang you up, at which time you were out and it was not possible for you to get there on time. And if they continue to say that you should have been there, I'd suggest to them that something is wrong with their system as they can see from your screenshots that you had no way of knowing! It's ridiculous.

fiddledefiddle · 08/03/2020 13:54

Can you avoid all this by looking at your rota even when you are away and screen shotting it?

Original poster
TenPointsForGryffindor · 08/03/2020 13:55

Rotas would normally go out a few weeks in advance but sometimes they will only be one week ahead. Changes can be made at any time though so I don't even know when this change was made. I know when I looked around 10 days ago it wasn't on there.

I am in the UK, I mean I was on holiday in another county.

To be fair I actually forgot about the previous 'absence'. I know I mentioned a few times immediately after but I can't say I had even thought about it since until today when I checked back through my holidays and absences.

OP posts:
HarrietThePi · 08/03/2020 13:55

Yes as a pp said, I would not have been happy about the previous time going down as unauthorized absence. I would try and get them to change this now so it can't be used against you going forward. If you're planning to stay working there that is.

DameXanaduBramble · 08/03/2020 13:57

Cheeky buggers! No way would they be getting away with this if they tried it on me.

HarrietThePi · 08/03/2020 13:58

If they're changing the rota without notifying the people who need to be notified, that really is their problem. I don't check my work rota every day, I screenshot the week and expect to be informed if something changes.

Wimpeyspread · 08/03/2020 14:00

Do you work for the NHS by any chance?

Patchworkpatty · 08/03/2020 14:43

Why don't you message your manager rather than communicate with this colleague?

FrankRattlesnake · 08/03/2020 15:38

How did this colleague get your number? Why did he contact you and not your manager? And why on earth didn’t you kick up a huge stink last time when they labelled it your fault rather than theirs?

Your colleague cannot threaten you with disciplinary action unless they have any management responsibility for you (check your policies) - I would suggest that you could take out a grievance on the basis that they are harassing your.

MrOnionsBumperRoller · 08/03/2020 16:24

I'd be getting signed off for stress as a starting point.