Aibu to think it is sad that my Y6 child talks about the "popular" kids

[PotteryLottery]

Just that really.

Or is she emotionally intelligent, with insight into how the world works?

FWIW, some of the popular kids don't sound kind.

2nd line of the OP downtown

Doh! I see it now in the first post.

A tale as old as time. I think it's natural to become more away of social groups, having a strong group of friends makes it a lot easier, whether you are the unpopular ones or not! I found the popular kids at secondary school got nastier as the years went on, and then became okay again after year 11.

Dd and a couple of her friends were invited last week to spend their lunch break at the netball courts with the popular kids. She’s yr7. She was chuffed. 😱

Dd is well liked and has a lot of friends. I deffo don’t want her to be part of the popular crowd.

Popular kids are usually just naturally confident kids. That’s it. They either get it from their parents or they find it in something else. That’s it.

I think it all depends on what you mean by "popular", but I don't agree that the kids who tend to get described as "popular" these days are particularly confident at all. Quite the contrary.

My dd is naturally very confident and is "popular" in the traditional sense of the word (as in, generally gets on with everyone, makes friends very easily, gets invited to everything etc). However, most of the kids in the so-called "popular" group at school seem desperately insecure and excessively worried about what others think about them.

Maybe the word is used differently in different parts of the country. I certainly didn't grow up with the same understanding of the term that dd and her friends have. Here, it's generally used in a fairly disaparaging way.

My dd has talked about them, but she is mostly interested in how it shifts. How it can be one girl one week and then subtly change to another girl over the course of a few weeks, and how the first girl might feel about that.

She regards herself as one of the "hoverers" (!) and observes all this with polite interest. She also feels that not being in the "in" set has its advantages, as one of them is a horrendous bossyboots with the hide of an elephant. She went right off having a SIM card for her phone when she realised that this girl continues her bossing of some of the others into the evening via text.

She sometimes feels a bit left out if some of the others are showing off about something, but fundamentally feels that it's easier to be "medium" in terms of popularity rather than "inner circle".

Does she want to be part of them or watch from the distance.
Teach her that popular DC are good DC too, I always focused on the positive so DD didn't feel less or intimidated by popular DC.
She has no interest in large groups yet feels comfortable as an outsider plodding on beside them during school. I am grateful she enjoys her own company too.

I don’t think I’d be on here boasting about my DC slagging of the popular kids at school. I’d be a bit worried I’d raised kids with superiority complexes.

Popular kids are usually just naturally confident kids. That’s it. They either get it from their parents or they find it in something else. That’s it.

It's a bit more varied than that.
I think my quiet kids are pretty popular as they follow the social rules and don't cause drama in the playground. Other popular kids I know have qualities like being helpful and funny.

Alexa
I agree with what you’re saying. My dd was popular as in well liked, confident and had lots of friends at primary. But she has never been one of the “in crowd” popular children. One of the girls in her class at secondary who is, is seriously lacking confidence. I think these groups attract this type of child, which in turn leads to in fighting as each child seeks validation and to be top dog.

Mummyoflittledragon, yes I agree completely, sums it up better than I could have.

Why is it sad?

Some people including children are more gregarious/ charismatic etc and people want to know them.

I've told my kids that different people have different things going for them, when it comes to friends having a few good ones is all you need.

Through life this is the case.

Not getting why having lots of friends is seen as a bad thing though. You can tell your kids it's ok not to be 'popular' without putting down the ones who are, surely?

It gets way more complex in secondary, so I’m seeing anyway. My ds is in year 8. In y7 he used to say things like ‘oh mum! So-and-so wouldn’t bother with the likes of ME, I’m a scummer to them’ etc; -all said with good humour mind you, he was well aware of all the different groups even then.

He’s more comfortable now he’s in y8, but prepare yourself for feeling sad for them quite a lot! My ds has happily started to find his niche, with a couple of other quiet gamer boys, but he is very cutting (and funny!) about the politics of the pack (or rather packs, there are so many divisions and sub-divisions from popular onwards) at school.

I thank god I appear to have equipped him with sarcasm, that’s all I’m gonna say. Lowest form of wit indeed!

Ah... the “popular kids” ...most of them do not have enviable lives any more.

Doesn’t help with the here and now however, I know.

Perhaps have a movie evening and popcorn and watch mean girls together?

Popular in Year 7 has a very different meaning to popular in Sixth form. I was glad my kids were not in the "popular gang" - the name meant nothing -it did not mean they were popular - they were kids who focused on being cool - they were not well liked, I don't think that would have brought my kids happiness.

Not getting why having lots of friends is seen as a bad thing though.

FrogsFrogs, nobody is saying that having lots of friends is seen as a bad thing. Of course is isn't.They're just saying that that's not what being "popular" means to many of our kids - the word has taken on a whole new meaning, and it's more about pursuing an image than making or keeping friends.

At Primary “popular” seems to be aspirational for some dc but others just acknowledge that they aren’t but are happy with their own tribe
At Secondary it’s really not a compliment IME

I'd consider the popular DC as the confident DC. The type that get the great role in the play, on the school choir, most likely involved in a sport or activity from a young age good at it, lots of friends.
My DD will never be any of them but she is liked so popular among her peers.
In secondary school the ones we remember as popular were well known through reputation rather than confidence.
I think it has changed lots not many like the bully now obviously these groups of mean girls still exist unfortunately.
My friends DD had a group of girls shake coke bottles to spray her while filming in secondary school, it backfired everyone hates them now.

A popular kid is well liked and has lots of friends.

A 'popular' kid can be superior/mean/manipulative to others not in the group (or on the edge of the group). With girls often accompanied by hair flicking, lots of makeup, etc.

The first is fine, the second much less so.

I'd consider the popular DC as the confident DC. The type that get the great role in the play, on the school choir, most likely involved in a sport or activity from a young age good at it, lots of friends.

Haha, means the opposite here. The "popular" kids are way too cool for any of that. That's why my dc will never aspire to be a part of that group - she loves all of her activities far too much to give them up!