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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think it is sad that my Y6 child talks about the "popular" kids

45 replies

PotteryLottery · 08/03/2020 12:47

Just that really.

Or is she emotionally intelligent, with insight into how the world works?

FWIW, some of the popular kids don't sound kind.

OP posts:
camelfinger · 08/03/2020 12:49

I remember understanding the notion of the popular kids at about age 8 so y6 doesn’t seem surprising to me. I suppose it is sad though, but not unexpected.

AufderAutobahn · 08/03/2020 12:51

I think most children pick up on the concept of "popular" and "not popular" very soon after starting school ... at least that was the case with me and at my DS' school, when he was seven there were definitely the "cool kids".

As long as your DD is happy, that's all that matters. Popularity seems like everything at school but she'll find it really isn't. The only thing she ever needs to be is her amazing self.

PuppyMonkey · 08/03/2020 12:58

DD is at secondary school and she talks about the “popular” girls in a quite disdainful way, as in it’s generally acknowledged they are all twats. See “the plastics” in Mean Girls.Grin

WorraLiberty · 08/03/2020 12:59

It's life though isn't it?

Some people will always be more popular than others.

Others can be more popular in certain groups/circles than they are at school or at work.

strawberrylipgloss · 08/03/2020 14:35

I think most kids realise sooner than y6 but are fine with the popular/not popular labels as long as they have some good friends.

Sometimes school makes it obvious who is popular/not popular. For example; my Ds was selected by his primary school classmates as student council rep even though he didn't give the best speech because he was more popular than the other boys. The student of the week type awards demonstrate who is popular with the teacher. The kids all know someone who has received more than their fair share or that if they are one of the last to receive an award it's because the teacher has checked their list and realised that it's their turn.

LaPoesieEstDansLaRue · 08/03/2020 15:12

It's a bit sad but I guess it depends on how your DD feels about it - is she upset that she's not perceived as one of that group? For example, my DD (a bit older) is quite disparaging about the "popular kids" at her school & is happy she's not one of them, having to "act cool" all the time, and has her own lovely group of (apparently not popular!) friends.

QuixoticQuokka · 08/03/2020 15:22

DS has found that secondary school to be much easier socially. A bigger pool means they can form tribes with like minded friends. Upper primary was difficult as he was one of about ten boys where eight played football every break time.

TheoriginalLEM · 08/03/2020 15:31

My dd isn't part of the popular crowd. I thank the good Lord for this - she's very much her own person and has a small circle of friends, however she prefers to be alone than hang with the crowd. She is bullied neither does she bully.

I used to worry abput this in primary school now I have an amazing dd who makes Hmm faces about some of the sheep like behaviour of the popular kids.

I work with someone who was clearly part of the incrowd at school - she's not a nice person

TheoriginalLEM · 08/03/2020 15:32

*isn't bullied

ButterscotchHorseman · 08/03/2020 15:34

My 8yo talks about some kids being cool/popular. As he has ASD I was impressed he picked up on it tbh.

ooooohbetty · 08/03/2020 15:37

It's just part of school life and it continues into adulthood too. Been the same since I was at school and that was a very long time ago. Nothing you can do about it.

Waveysnail · 08/03/2020 15:38

Its life.

SallyWD · 08/03/2020 15:39

My DD is 9 (year 4)and has been talking about popular kids for about a year.

Mummyshark2018 · 08/03/2020 15:40

My dc8 talks about popular kids.

AlexaShutUp · 08/03/2020 15:41

DD is at secondary school and she talks about the “popular” girls in a quite disdainful way, as in it’s generally acknowledged they are all twats.

This. My dd uses the word "popular" as shorthand for "trying too hard to be cool". It took me a while to understand this, and I couldn't understand why she didn't count herself in amongst the "popular" crowd because she actually gets on with everyone has tons and tons of friends! Turns out that "popular" is used to describe those who obsess about being popular, rather than those who actually are!

coppersuits · 08/03/2020 15:45

Where we are the "popular" kids are not actually popular as such - it means they are the cool gang who like to be ahead of the curve, first to have a boyfriend/girlfriend, first to get drunk and love to party, they usually aren't very nice - they all compete with one another and bitch behind each other's backs.
My kids never felt the desire to be like that - thankfully! Not many of the popular gang made it to sixth form.

Purpletigers · 08/03/2020 15:51

Has always been this way . Some people are popular but not particularly nice and some people are popular because they are . My daughter calls them the sheep as they all tend to look alike . Blond dyed hair, weird drawn on eyebrows, fake tan and dressed in a uniform of Adidas leggings , vans and £200 puffa jackets . They crave attention but are afraid to be themselves.

INeedToGetHealthy · 08/03/2020 15:59

Neither DH or I were ever in the popular kids category at school and I can say that our DS's have not been either. From my own experience of school, I was bullied for a while and then became one of the "invisible" ones along with a small group of friends who were neither bullied badly or popular.

2020runner · 08/03/2020 16:10

Some horrid replies here, poor kids. I wasnt popular and my kids are too young for any of this yet but not all "popular" kids are "sheep" and "twats"

AlexaShutUp · 08/03/2020 16:16

not all "popular" kids are "sheep" and "twats"

Of course, there are plenty of genuinely popular children who are neither sheep nor twats. That isn't the point that people are making; rather, the meaning of the word "popular" seems to have changed to describe a certain type of person/group who tend to be more concerned with being cool than being kind.

When I was at school, most of the kids who weren't "popular" at least aspired to be - me included. These days, around here at least, being in the "popular" group isn't generally seen as aspirational, just a bit sad tbh.

PuppyMonkey · 08/03/2020 16:21

Of course not all “popular” kids are horrible, but the popular gang DD knows genuinely are not very nice people and she wouldn’t aspire to join them.

Indeed DD was once told by a member of the Popular gang that she might be able to join them, but she would have to dump all her current friends first. DD declined.Grin

GoldenTickett · 08/03/2020 16:23

Oh god these threads.

Have we had “plastics”, “pregnant by 14”, “superficial” yet?

Then lots of people who are ^pleased^ their DC aren’t in the popular crowd because they all peak in secondary school...

eeyore228 · 08/03/2020 16:24

My DD is in Year 6 and acutely aware of the popular kids. She has mentioned wanting to be popular until I found out what nasty little mares these girls were to her. After asking if she wanted to treat people like that just to be popular she decided no. Now she’s much better at sticking up for herself and others. So it doesn’t surprise me yours is aware.

GoldenTickett · 08/03/2020 16:26

Popular kids are usually just naturally confident kids. That’s it. They either get it from their parents or they find it in something else. That’s it.

FWIW I was the popular kid, ex was the popular kid, DD and DS are both popular kids. None of us are nasty, superficial people. We didn’t peak in secondary either Wink

DowntownAbby · 08/03/2020 16:28

Why is everyone assuming OP's child is a girl?

Or have I missed something?

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