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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to be there when my ex moves his stuff out

45 replies

Millie1995 · 08/03/2020 11:38

So to cut a long story short I finally ended things with my cocklodging, cheat of a boyfriend after 4 years. I’d found numerous sexy messages to different women, ranging from flirty messages to sex messages and naked photos. I finally found the strength two weeks ago to end things and he left my house leaving all his stuff behind. Earlier this week he told me he would be coming today to move his stuff out and hand over his keys. Anyway, I messaged him earlier this morning to see what time he would be coming and he said he will come tomorrow to move everything out when I’m at work. The issue is I want to here when he moves his stuff out as I do not trust him to not take things that don’t belong to him as in the past he has taken things which were mine, that I paid for and sold them behind my back.
I’m absolutely desperate to be the bigger person, not lose my rag and not show him that he’s got to me but I also do not want him coming round here on his own. I want him to move his stuff out today and hand over his keys. How can I say that he must come and get his stuff today and hand his keys over without showing him that he’s got to me?

OP posts:
mrsbyers · 08/03/2020 11:39

I’d have changed the locks by now

antwacky · 08/03/2020 11:41

Can you pack his stuff up and tell him it's outside ready to be collected today. Please change your locks.

Oldraver · 08/03/2020 11:42

Yes change the lock first.

Then text him, that will not be possible, your belongings will be on the doorstep

TidyDancer · 08/03/2020 11:42

Can you box/bag up all his stuff now and leave it outside and lock the door from the inside and go out the back?

Jammydodger1981 · 08/03/2020 11:44

Laugh at him and say I don’t think so, you’ve proven yourself more than untrustworthy over the years so no way you’re being in my property on your own. Then tell him you’re putting all his stuff outside today and change the locks!

slipperywhensparticus · 08/03/2020 11:45

Change the locks bag his shit up put it outside

JustFamily · 08/03/2020 11:47

Pack his stuff up.
Change the locks.
Minimal contact, factual information only.
Tell him to post the keys.

BlueJava · 08/03/2020 11:49

You need to change the locks if you don't want him coming round without your knowledge. If you don't and he's got a key there is nothing you can do.

HollowTalk · 08/03/2020 11:51

Pack his stuff up and leave it in the hallway. Change your locks if you can.

LtJudyHopps · 08/03/2020 11:52

Tell him he can come today or you will leave everything on the doorstep tomorrow.
Change your locks ASAP!

Divebar · 08/03/2020 11:53

Don’t think of it as him “ getting to you “ but you taking control. Tell him that tomorrow doesn’t work for you and more importantly that he does not have permission to access your property without you being there. ( to enter as a trespasser and then remove anything of yours would be burglary ) You could also follow through as the others have said with bagging his belongings but make sure you give him plenty of notice of you doing that so he doesn’t come up with some bull shit allegation of criminal damage / theft of his property. Change the locks too to take away any opportunity he might have to be a prick. ( I think you can just change the barrel if you’re handy or know someone who is)

Pilot12 · 08/03/2020 11:54

Get somebody out to change the locks today or take a day off tomorrow/call in sick but don't tell him so you're there when he arrives.

Personally I would have changed the locks the day he left. Even if he gives the keys back, how do you know he doesn't have another set?

HollowTalk · 08/03/2020 11:54

Don't feel obliged to be nice to him. Tell him bluntly that you don't trust him and he's not allowed there without you. I really would pack it into bin bags and leave it outside if he's that bad.

FabulouslyFab · 08/03/2020 11:54

If you can’t change the locks before take the day off

Jimmers · 08/03/2020 11:54

Echoing what pp’s have said - change the locks & tell him it needs to be when you’re there.

Hileni · 08/03/2020 11:56

Bag it up yourself and change the locks, OP!

BruceAndNosh · 08/03/2020 11:57

You can't make him come today.
All you can do is make it pointless for him to come tomorrow

AlwaysCheddar · 08/03/2020 12:01

Pack his stuff up and change the locks.

Hairyhat · 08/03/2020 12:02

Take photos of your stuff too

Leeds2 · 08/03/2020 12:02

Tell him you have changed the locks (even if you haven't yet done so), so he will have to come today. Bag up his stuff so it will be just a case of him picking up the bags from to front door..

MulticolourMophead · 08/03/2020 12:04

You can tell him when he's allowed to come and collect his belongings. It's not his house, so he doesn't get to tell you when he fancies coming round.

Given he's taken stuff from you before, you are quite right not to want him in your house without anyone there.

I'd change your locks first, then give him dates/times he can come to collect. Bag it all up first so he has no reason to rummage through your house. And if you can have someone with you when he comes round, so much the better.

WatchingFromTheWings · 08/03/2020 12:05

No way would I allow him back in if I wasn't there! Change the locks, bag his stuff up, tell him what time you're putting it outside the front door.

Oldbutstillgotit · 08/03/2020 12:06

You don’t trust him yet he still has keys to your house ?

Splitsunrise · 08/03/2020 12:10

Box stuff up and leave outside for him. That doesn’t show any weakness from you, it shows you’re not putting up with any bullshit. Like fuck would I let him in my house if I wasn’t there!

Can you change the locks?

mummmy2017 · 08/03/2020 12:14

You can buy me locks for about £5 from Screwfix. Change them.
He stole before, he will again.
Protect yourself.
Tell him no, you have to be in for him to collect and pack his stuff, have someone else there as a witness.