AIBU to want to be there when my ex moves his stuff out

[Millie1995]

So to cut a long story short I finally ended things with my cocklodging, cheat of a boyfriend after 4 years. I’d found numerous sexy messages to different women, ranging from flirty messages to sex messages and naked photos. I finally found the strength two weeks ago to end things and he left my house leaving all his stuff behind. Earlier this week he told me he would be coming today to move his stuff out and hand over his keys. Anyway, I messaged him earlier this morning to see what time he would be coming and he said he will come tomorrow to move everything out when I’m at work. The issue is I want to here when he moves his stuff out as I do not trust him to not take things that don’t belong to him as in the past he has taken things which were mine, that I paid for and sold them behind my back.
I’m absolutely desperate to be the bigger person, not lose my rag and not show him that he’s got to me but I also do not want him coming round here on his own. I want him to move his stuff out today and hand over his keys. How can I say that he must come and get his stuff today and hand his keys over without showing him that he’s got to me?

You need to change the locks today, pack his stuff up yourself and have him collect it at a time convenient to you with someone else present.

I speak from experience. The satisfaction I felt when I told my abusive cheating ex that I had changed the locks when he text me to say he was holding onto his key to make sure I didn’t prevent him getting access to his stuff was amazing!

I agree with everyone else, pack all of his stuff yourself and dump it in a pile in the hall. He can come and move it out when you are there. He doesn't get to go rooting through the house for his his things, it's limited to moving stuff out of the hall, a 5 minute job.

Deliver everything to him with a friend otherwise he'll turn up and cause a scene
Pick up keys.
Tell him to face you have changed locks.
Change locks.

Changing locks is something relatively easy to do yourself by the way - you buy a new cilinder of the same size and just push out the old one and replace with the new. There are plenty of videos on YouTube.

Yep, pack it up and put it outside. Tell him he isn't coming in whilst you are not there. Get locks changed asap.

Take a day off work - say you're coming down with coronavirus or something.Bag up his stuff and leave it outside, put the chain on the door so he can't come in but don't engage with him in any way - and get a locksmith round asap. he clearly can't be trusted and even if you give the keys back, he could have had another set cut.

1. Change the locks.
2. Collect up his junk.
3. stack his stuff in a large pile in front of your house/block of flats.
4. pray for rain.
5. text him to tell him where his stuff is and that he can collect it at his convenience.
6. change your contact details.

OP
You are going to have to
Change the locks anyway. He's been living with you and 'cocklodging' and he's has form for stealing items from you and selling them behind you back already.
You won't be covered insurance wise for theft in this case.

Change the locks today, I've done it on a Sunday (as key broke in lock) cost £100-120, instead of £80-100 on a weekday, so not much extra.

Then get someone, a friend, or relative, anyone to be there when he comes to collect his belongings. In fact I'd pack his stuff up for him and have it by the door ready. He doesn't have the right to go round your property looking , all he has the right to do is ask for specific items if he thinks anything is missing. He can do that by taking his stuff and checking at home later. Which you can look for in your house (later if need be) and tell him if you have it and when he can collect anything that you'd accidentally missed. Don't leave his stuff outside & defo not in the rain, as you'd be responsible for it if it was stolen or ruined. I'd move it to porch just before he is due to arrive so he doesn't set foot in house.

Get everything about arrangements in text or email and screenshot texts and ta me photos of large ones of his items packed up in (bin)bags.

Definitely don't leave him free reign to go round stealing from or damaging your property.

A make friend of mine did with his ex gf (leaving her to collect her stuff to move out) She poured bleach on top of his hedges at the back, removed shelves from his expensive new fridge, bolts from his DCs beds, bits of his tools rendering them unusable, and stole some expensive presents of his. His TV was scratched as well as hard drive messed with, with his DC childhood photos on it lost. Police weren't interested at all and even taking her to court he initially got a financial judgement and lost it on appeal as he 'couldn't prove' she did it, she simply denied it, despite dates photographic evidence of what he came home to that evening and NDN saying they'd witnessed the damage to hedge was done during 10 hour period whilst he was at work and she was at the house 'moving out'. That doesn't include bin rubbish smooshed into flooring and other unpleasant stuff. (He threw his toothbrush out straight away just incase!)

Friend /relative to be there with you at in arranged time. He doesn't get to pick a time you don't agree to or just 'turn up.'

Firstly ; black bag up all his crap and put outside front door.

Second ; Get straight on to you tube to see how easy it is to change the lock barrel and ask a pal to take the old one to screwfix and buy new one right size, then simply put in new lock barrel.

Third ; Text him back ''LOL, Yeah right, you honestly think you're EVER coming into MY house again ?? I have put all your stuff in black bin bags, it's all right outside my front door. Feel free to collect it whenever it suits you :) Don't worry about returning your key, the locks are already changed. :)

NEVER leave an Ex alone to pack up and leave... from your property... what the hell are you thinking... haves Mumsnet taught you nothing... 😱

Someone needs to be there and I would 100% change the locks. There is no way I would want someone like that unattended in my house and there's nothing to say he hasn't copied the key.

You text him and say that you’ve changed the locks (and then make arrangements to do so ASAP so that he can’t get in tomorrow in case he chances it anyway!) and he either comes today as arranged or else he’ll be waiting until a time that is convenient for you - you are very busy at present and you aren’t sure when you will have time so will have to let him know when you’ve had time to go through your diary and work out when suits.

Say bluntly that's not an option, besides I've already changed the locks so you can keep your key (if you haven't consider it an investment and do ASAP!). I've packed up your things already so if you can let me know some date / time options where we can coordinate a mutually convenient handover.

It is really east to change the locks yourself! I did this once with the help of YouTube as a PP said.

make sure you are there!

change the locks, today!!, take the day off work and pack his shit up before he gets there. do not let him do it while you are not there.

its not about being the bigger person, its YOUR house! you are in control!

Echoing what everyone else says. Locks changed today, reply to him and say you've already done it. Pack up his stuff.

With certain types of locks it's possible to just change the barrel. My friend did this as she was concerned about previous owner coming back, she bought a new barrel with keys and was able to do it herself, much cheaper than new locks/locksmith.

Change the locks . Put his stuff in the doorstep . Message him to tell him what time he can collect it and have someone in the house with you when he arrives . Then delete his number and celebrate getting rid of the dickhead .

Change the locks. It's not hard. It's easier than making flat pack furniture.