To think this friendship should not continue ?

[Floral89x]

I posted about it last year on an old account, there have just been several things happening and I have started to wonder what the point is.

There are things going back to 4 years ago. There was a guy I liked, but he was only interested in friendship. I went on a couple of dates with another guy from the group, which I had confided in my friend about, it wasn't common knowledge. She emailed guy one saying 'omg I have to tell you something about Floral', as it if were hot gossip.

I went on holiday with her for a few days to visit a friend. I'm not a drinker/party-animal at all and she is, but I made the effort. I found out via a mutual friend that she had been slagging me off all week, saying I was a 'grandma' because I wanted more than 5 hours of sleep per night. She then told me I needed to 'loosen up' a bit and said my photos were not exciting enough, and tried to have me jumping and doing all sorts of stupid photo poses because it was 'more fun' when that just isn't me.

She then complained we were 'too different' because I 'don't like taking photos'.
I do, but I don't need to take 6 million photos of the same building from every angle going.

She lives far and I have visited her a couple of times, but i've stopped now as it was never her visiting me, yet she visited other people.

The last time I was there, she was just in a bad mood, being really snappy. She didn't even bother to stock her fridge with anything to eat or drink even though she had a guest. We then Skyped a mutual friend and she was friendly and smiley as anything, yet moody and off with me even though I was the one visiting her, which upset me.

She was moody once because I didn't do an all-nighter when I had to be at the airport at 6am, she was just stroppy.
Just all sorts of stuff like that. At the moment she's chasing a guy who has a girlfriend, they hang out a lot, and it's just wrong. She understands but says she wants to be selfish for once. She says cheating isn't black and white but I don't agree.

We just have different values and ideas. The good thing about her is that she is consistent and stays in contact. She can be very good to talk to and offers advice.

Just don't see the point anymore. I've been cheated on/dumped for others a couple of times and I lose respect for anyone who does this sort of stuff. She doesn't care about the girlfriend and doesn't understand that he may just do the same to her too.

However I don't like ghosting and wouldn't like it done to me. Is it better to just confront her ?

She's gotten better over the last year or 2 but too many examples.
Another one was a guy who sexually harassed me. She was telling me that i needed to confront him, which I did, and saying what a prick he was and how his behaviour was awful.
Next minute she was going on nights out with him and saying he was funny.

Oh God. Dump her. She is a bitch.

I feel guilty in a way. She can be nice, and I wonder if it's me overreacting. She wanted me to move to where she lives and get an apartment with her but there is not a chance that will happen.

If you kg want to ghost her not confront her I'd just stop making the effort.
If you didn't call or message would she actually bother with you? Tell her you can't visit due to commitments, she version won't both visiting you. Just let it drift

How old are you both? She sounds v immature.

I’d do what SleepingStandingUp says. Just make no effort and let it fizzle out a bit. Then you can always say you’re too different. I wouldn’t go straight in with telling her why you don’t want to be friends as she sounds the type to get very nasty.

We just stay in contact via whatsapp, i'm late 20s and she's early 30s.
She will also casually tell me unkind comments that another girl made behind my back about me, stuff like that.
I'll just tell her I won't be visiting her.
I don't have as many friends as I did a couple of years back, but the ones I have are reliable, trustworthy and kind.

You are right. I mean to be fair she has apologised once before, but she can get nasty.
She asked me to meet at 2pm, it was a 1 hour trip for me. At 1:45 I get a text saying that she will be there at 5pm now because she's meeting a friend first. I was annoyed and asked her why on earth she thought I was OK to wait 3 hours for her. She replied saying I needed to 'chill out', that it was the holidays and saying "I don't give a fuck."

In the end I think she realised she was wrong and turned up earlier, but still.

In a way I understand why she's the way she is, she has never considered herself as pretty or as attractive to men, she's quite insecure and a little unhappy maybe. She is also not close to her family and there have been issues around that.

Sounds like she turned 18, and then mentally stayed there. Your friendship doesn't sound compatible and if she is doing things to upset you and that you don't agree with you should move on.

Read your post and think about what you would say if this was someone else. She doesn’t sound nice and I would just go LC with her. You dont have to completely cut her off if there’s some aspects of her that you like, but I wouldn’t spend as much time with her.

Yabu for letting this go on for so long. Get some self respect and ditch her, no guilt needed

You dont owe her an explanation after the way she has treated you. I'm surprised you've let it go on this long, you don't have much in common and she treats you horribly

You are absolutely right, if this were another friend of mine I wouldn't be hesitating to tell them to end it. I do need more self-respect, sadly.

Shes horrible. Dont make any plans with her.

Bin!

She doesn't feel good about herself and is an unhappy person so she puts you down and tries to make you feel like shit to make herself feel better, it gives her a bit of power. She's using you and is no real friend. Just dump her and get rid of the emotional baggage she brings to your life.

She sounds like a twat.

It is draining.
She also has a casual attitude to drugs, she smokes weed with this bloke she's chasing.
Another friend of ours was taking LSD and ecstacy, I voiced my concerns and she said 'oh chill out she's taking it easy.' that's her opinion, just can't get on board.
I'm confident in the decision that i will not be visiting her again and feel better for it.

She probably does use me as some sort of diary entry, I agree.

She doesn't sound quite right. Distance yourself, don't arrange to meet her.

Wow I thought you were going to say she was really young, not mid-30s.

She sounds awful - if I’d turned up at 2pm and she told me she didn’t give a fuck about me hanging around until 5, I’d have turned around and gone home. Don’t let people treat you like crap! Why does she tell you horrible things people have (allegedly) said about you?

This woman is no friend of yours. If it was me, next time she contacted me I’d just say I thought the friendship had run it’s course.

You sound like you have very low self-esteem?

She doesn't sound like a friend, time to ditch the bitch.

Which you prefer:

1. Distance yourself. Let it fizzle out.
2. Get into an argument about this guy she’s chasing and end the friendship.
3. Ghost her.
4. continue as you are.

I think option 1 is best. My self-esteem is improving but it's definitely not high enough, a few years ago it was absolutely awful.
I don't know why I put up with these incidents but I won't be doing from now on.

Ach just distance yourself. Be forever busy and unavailable.
You guys have nothing in common. Your lifestyles and values are poles apart and frankly neither of you will ever be prone to sympathise with the other.

She sounds like a handful. She’s selfish, disloyal and driven by the approval of men. I wouldn’t choose to be caught up in her chaotic life.