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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Has anyone inherited a lot of money from nothing?

70 replies

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 07/03/2020 20:21

I feel like a massive cunt for asking this.

We inherited a LOT from someone amazing, via my DH. I never even met this amazing person. And now I have irrational thoughts that something bad will happen like me or DH will have a car accident and the kids with be orphans. Or I will get cancer and die or DH will have a heart attack.

I've already looked up and arranged an appointment with a counsellor, so I recognise my issue.

I just wondered if it was normal.

OP posts:
kateandme · 07/03/2020 23:34

tht from a negative mindset youve got their op(i dont mean that in a bd way) just thats how you feel about yourself and life at the moment i think.
how about flip it and see perhaps then karma has already come around.and that is the very reason youve got it.so something good in you or your dh and you guys has a faily meant that good has been returned.
why didnt that come to your mind first.why didnt you think stright to the positive and that youd been given this money because you are infact good people deserving of it.and why does your version whre you now need to be punished need to be true?
whoever has given it saw the good in you.or just wanted you dh to have it.you dont need to offer it to charity or lash yoruself for it.your deserving becasue they wanted to give it to you.
therefore you can spend it on gummy bears if you wished because whoever gave it gave it as a gift.
of course try and be responsible if you know you tight and it could be used to pay off things or fix bits of the house etc.try and ease your life in ways you couldnt before.but if you are squilion-ares already then do what you want with it.its yours now.that mean the giver new you could and would do the right things with it.whatever that was.
money isnt your worth.
and why do you neeed to be punished for good things coming your way.

flumposie · 07/03/2020 23:42

When my grandparents died they left me, the only grandchild that was unmarried, their savings which was a few thousand pounds. I felt so guilty that I didn't touch it for 10 years or so.

IceColdCat · 08/03/2020 07:31

This happened to my dad. A distant relative who he barely knew left half her money (after changing her will only a year before her death) to his aunt, who was childless and then left everything to her favourite nephew (my dad). My brother and I have benefited too, as my parents used some of it to help us out with house deposits etc. I don't think any of us (my parents, my brother or me) felt guilty. I do feel lucky and grateful, but not guilty. I hope the counselling helps you see things more positively, OP.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 08/03/2020 07:36

This reply has been deleted

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HollowTalk · 08/03/2020 09:50

Do you mean you think if you leave your money to someone in your will that they'll have bad luck?

cakeisalwaystheanswer · 08/03/2020 10:28

For all those telling OP to pay it forward, donate it to charity etc. it isn't her money and that is not her decision. This is money left to her DH by someone meaningful to him and it is HIS money to spend as he wishes.

Poor people on MN are always being told to donate any unexpected money to charity. No-one suggests that members of the royal family donate the money they received from the queen mother's will to charity instead of using it for themselves.

MimiLaRue · 08/03/2020 10:43

Poor people on MN are always being told to donate any unexpected money to charity

Are they? how ridiculous. The point is- it was left in the will to the OP and her DH. If the deceased person had wanted it to go to charity they would have left it all to charity but they didnt! They wanted it to go to THEM. Therefore, it was her last wish they should keep it- that alone is enough reason.

Original poster
DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 08/03/2020 11:16

Do you mean you think if you leave your money to someone in your will that they'll have bad luck?

No, and thank you for pointing that out. That's a really bloody good point. That just isn't the case is it?

I should have posted this weeks ago instead of letting it whirl around my head making things worse. I blood love MN for reality checks and perspective.

OP posts:
peaceanddove · 08/03/2020 11:54

DH has recently won a contract that will make us substantially more wealthy, the money will give us and our children complete financial security. I've also been recently DX with early stage breast cancer and an irrational part of me thinks it's my punishment for our huge windfall. We're planning some amazing trips and treats and a total house refurbishment. But my heart isn't fully in any of it because I have that little voice asking 'But what if the cancer comes back?' Sad

Original poster
DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 08/03/2020 12:14

Oh mate ☹️ I'm really sorry to hear that. I really recommend you get counselling as well, it helps so so much.

OP posts:
user1497207191 · 08/03/2020 12:16

Not sure why this is any different to winning the lottery or another competition? Do you feel guilty when you win something? If not, why be guilty with an inheritance?

CanIHaveATiaraPlease · 08/03/2020 12:28

In a way I’ve received my inheritance early. I’m disabled & we were struggling in our lovely but completely unfriendly to the disabled old house. My parents gave us some money early so we could move & put in a disabled friendly kitchen. I felt bad at first but my siblings were on board with it & it had been my brothers idea anyway. I’m still disabled but my life is definitely easier because of it.

Qwerty543 · 08/03/2020 12:50

I hate the charity suggestions. The money was left to OPs DH, not her. I inherited from a great aunt and if (now ex) H had told me he felt bad and it should go to charity I would have been very unimpressed.

Snuffkindle · 08/03/2020 12:57

Racking my brains trying to think of long lost relatives who could make us rich now!! Seriously though OP just enjoy it. If you always lived a good life then it's your good karma coming for you

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 08/03/2020 13:00

I don’t understand people’s guilt. If it’s there in black and white in a will, that person wanted you (or your dp) to have it, otherwise they’d have left it to someone else, or to charity.

I dare say they liked to think of it making your lives easier or more enjoyable.
Plenty of people who are never likely to inherit anything would surely think you’re mad to agonise over it.

The only thing IMO (assuming you weren’t estranged and really did not want the person’s money anyway) would be to use it wisely and not waste it.

I passed on most of the money I had from my DM to dds, to help with a house purchase and an extension. I know my DM would have been very pleased to know how it was spent.

contentedsoul · 08/03/2020 15:30

I agree I wouldn’t donate to charity
But if it was a very large sum I would find ways to pay a bit of it forward - but not to any charity organisations.
Most are simply money making businesses that actually give very little to their proposed charity. It used to be just 7% had to be given to be awarded charity status.

Lycanthropology · 09/03/2020 19:25

We (well, DH) will inherit quite a large amount of money from MIL before too long (she is very frail and in a nursing home).
We feel lucky, but feel no guilt; I know DH doesn’t either. DMIL worked hard and made a lot of very savvy property and business decisions, so has a reasonable estate to leave. She wants to leave it to DH. It’s her money and that’s what she wanted to do with it.
Do we deserve it? Who knows... does anyone? DH has always been and remains a good son to her. She’s been a big part of our lives. We have 5 DC so will be able to help them out with various things.

Will we be giving a significant amount to charity? No, just a little.

Dowser · 09/03/2020 20:21

I got a lovely inheritance from my mum and aunt( houses, money) and while not a pauper at the time , it’s certainly made life even more enjoyable.
I do give to charity, help out my family, so that karma knows I’m a nice person and not to strike me down dead.
If I can keep,out of a care home, my fam will be very well looked after.

Zombiemum1946 · 09/03/2020 20:30

Yes it feels strange but don't feel guilty that's not what was intended. I want my kids to enjoy whatever we leave them. As my grandmother was fond of saying " there are no pockets in a shroud so make good use of it "

OhMargo · 09/03/2020 22:01

From my parents.

I would rather they were still here though. That makes me so sad.

Bless them, and no hassle amongst the siblings either, it is what they would have wanted, so that makes it special.

Tears now, as the family home has been sold. Have to get over the sadness of all the lovely times we had in that house.

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