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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up of grandparents

37 replies

poppymatilda · 06/03/2020 14:25

That really.

DD is 16 months and the worst part of parenthood by far has been the grand parents. They know better about everything, they're constantly trying to better eachother, they're really demanding etc.

We've had a really trying time lately, DD has been ill since end of Jan and has had to miss loads of nursery. With both of us working full time it's been a real struggle making sure one of us can be with her and we've had periods where we've been worrying about her health. The grand parents are all a bit miffed that they've not got to see her but we've just been trying to survive.

I know it's because they're all retired do they're just sat at home bored but it's an extra pressure worrying about upsetting them when we've got enough going on. If I wasn't freelance I'm pretty sure I'd have got the sack by now!

I'm just fed up of the bloody lot of them!

OP posts:
LettertoHermoine · 06/03/2020 14:27

Why couldn't they see her? Had she something contagious?

GrumpyHoonMain · 06/03/2020 14:30

What is the illness? If it’s something serious then you really do need the GPs support - having them take turns to stay with your DD so you and DP can work / do other things might be for the best.

Original poster
poppymatilda · 06/03/2020 14:35

It's not that they can't see her. It's just that we haven't got around to visiting family the last few weeks because we've just been trying to hold it all together at home. I've been trying to work any spare minute I get when DD is napping or at night so I kinda have my hands full

OP posts:
GinDrinker00 · 06/03/2020 14:37

Why can’t they visit you and help look after dd whilst you work? You shouldn’t be the one having to visit them.

Original poster
poppymatilda · 06/03/2020 14:37

It's not serious. Tonsillitis, then chest infection, eye infection, endless bouts of fever. Saw the GP this morning and he thinks it might be a UTI.

OP posts:
AmICrazyorWhat2 · 06/03/2020 14:38

Instead of visiting them, could they come and visit you instead...and perhaps help you out a bit?

If they're bored and have plenty of time, surely it would be easier for them to do this.

Original poster
poppymatilda · 06/03/2020 14:39

They're not really the helping sort of grandparents, especially not when she's ill and grumpy!

OP posts:
simplekindoflife · 06/03/2020 14:41

Hang on, why can't they come to you? Have you actually asked them? Why don't you specifically ask them to help? Have you told them you're really struggling?

user1493413286 · 06/03/2020 14:43

It’s during these times that you hope for grandparents to be helpful, looking after children so you can work etc so if all they’re doing is putting pressure on to visit that’s not helpful

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 06/03/2020 14:44

I'd ask them anyway. It puts the onus on them to make the effort if they really want to see you. Sorry it's so difficult atm, it's horrible when DC are ill and you're trying to juggle everything. Flowers

GinDrinker00 · 06/03/2020 14:45

Well when they moan next time, simply say “well you know where we live if you want to see DD.” And leave the ball in their court. Their own fault if they don’t bother.

Furcoatgirl · 06/03/2020 14:46

Tbh op I know how you feel.

Every Saturday morning, without fail, before we've even woken up, my in laws message us both to see if they can visit. They know the dc have clubs on weekend mornings, but they ask anyway.

We do see them regularly, but they complain that they don't see the dc enough. The fact is that we're both working full time, the dc have clubs then often parties, school projects and other things to do. We need time to do things that need doing.

That is not to mention the never ending unsolicited advice, mine are a bit older now so it has stopped.

Fil - I don't really care if you put dh in a room on his own at a week old closed the door and left him to cry, that's not for us.

Mil I don't care if all of your dc were out of nappies but 18mo, we will do it our way.

Songofsixpence · 06/03/2020 14:47

My MiL was like this

When DD2 was born she had some health complications, we had DD1, then DH back at work, etc and she’d just constantly bitch and moan.

Wouldn’t visit our house or do anything helpful. Expected us to all troop round there all the time and kicked up a huge stink if we didn’t obey her summons. It was just extra pressure at a time that was already stressful and busy

My own Mum was amazing but MiL was just a pain in the arse.

She’s still the same now. It does my head in

Original poster
poppymatilda · 06/03/2020 14:50

I dunno. I once asked my mum to come and help when DD was ill. She grudgingly came after making a bit thing about cancelling her plans (aqua aerobics class and coffee with a friend) then when she was here she made such a 3 act drama of looking after her I wished I hadn't asked. She's only ever managed a couple of hours alone with DD before calling me to come and relieve her. It's just not worth the hassle.

OP posts:
Furcoatgirl · 06/03/2020 14:51

I should add, we have tried to incorporate ours into our activities.

Mil & fil, the dc want to go to the park, but you are welcome to come along. They then sabotage the whole thing. Mil turns up in heels with no coat then we have to go early because her feet hurt and she's cold.

All they really want to do is sit on our sofa gossiping about their friends, neighbours and extended family. Making snide digs about my parents. Criticising us whilst drinking our tea.

WinterCat · 06/03/2020 14:53

I fully appreciate other people putting pressure on you is completely unreasonable but I think you should consider dropping her off with her grandparents for a couple of hours whilst you get on with things. Unless it’s something like a d&v, the likelihood is that they’ve had most bugs/viruses so are already immune and it’ll help you and placate them.

Original poster
poppymatilda · 06/03/2020 14:53

@Furcoatgirl

Sorry I shouldn't laugh but your last paragraph did make me crack a smile on an otherwise dark day! My mum is exactly the same

OP posts:
Original poster
poppymatilda · 06/03/2020 15:00

@WinterCat they're 2 hours drive away!

OP posts:
Littlebluetruck · 06/03/2020 15:01

Some grandparents are only happy when you’re paying homage to them in their home.

Babybel90 · 06/03/2020 15:05

Just wait, someone will be along in a minute to tell you you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

If they’re not helpful and your DD is ill then they’ll just have to wait until you’re free to see them.

Toria70 · 06/03/2020 15:06

Any grandparent worthy of the title would be doing everything they can to help you and your DD out . They're not.

Don't even give them headspace.

lowlandLucky · 06/03/2020 15:07

OP As they are old and bored and a pain in the arse maybe you should cut all ties with them, never have them to babysit even if you are desperate, never allow them to buy anything for your child( return anything they have already bought, oh and dont get old and never ever become a Grandparent or Karma might just bite you on the arse

forrestgreen · 06/03/2020 15:08

Yep I'd invite them. If they hate it then hopefully they won't ask as often. It can't always be on you to drive two hours

KidCaneGoat · 06/03/2020 15:12

Some grandparents just want to make it all about them. Not sure what you can do apart from try not to let them make you feel guilty.

@Furcoatgirl Mil turns up in heels with no coat then we have to go early because her feet hurt and she's cold omfg! She sounds a handful.

Original poster
poppymatilda · 06/03/2020 15:24

@Babybel90 and you were right @lowlandLucky served that purpose.
I'm just frustrated, tired and sick of living on a perpetual GP guilt trip

OP posts:
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