Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Fed up of grandparents

37 replies

poppymatilda · 06/03/2020 14:25

That really.

DD is 16 months and the worst part of parenthood by far has been the grand parents. They know better about everything, they're constantly trying to better eachother, they're really demanding etc.

We've had a really trying time lately, DD has been ill since end of Jan and has had to miss loads of nursery. With both of us working full time it's been a real struggle making sure one of us can be with her and we've had periods where we've been worrying about her health. The grand parents are all a bit miffed that they've not got to see her but we've just been trying to survive.

I know it's because they're all retired do they're just sat at home bored but it's an extra pressure worrying about upsetting them when we've got enough going on. If I wasn't freelance I'm pretty sure I'd have got the sack by now!

I'm just fed up of the bloody lot of them!

OP posts:

GrumpyHoonMain · 06/03/2020 15:25

What about your mil?

AutumnRose1 · 06/03/2020 15:27

So they’re moaning at you about not visiting?

Tell them to get their heads out of their arses.

Lionnose · 06/03/2020 15:40

I understand this. Luckily now DS is 22mths I get it less, apart from the constant nagging about potty training but hearing them with my DSil is bringing it all back. Every movement my nephew makes 'oh he's got wind' or 'oh he's doing a poo' constantly! Sometimes babies just pull faces or make noises!! SHUT UP! They know everything though!

Devlesko · 06/03/2020 15:45

I'd tell them to come to you and roll their sleeves up tbh.
I'm a grandma and there's nothing i like better than having a call to go and help out.
I'm usually asked well behind the other grandma my dil mum, but I'm getting used to it.

Original poster

poppymatilda · 06/03/2020 15:46

PIL are a funny pair. MIL v quiet and reserved most of the time, have only seen her awkward side a couple of times both in relation to DD. We're not close at all. FIL Is a Pain. One of those old school men that just sits on the sofa giving opinions about things and expecting to be waited on hand and foot but his womenfolk. He would never do any of the looking after with DD but sometimes sits and reads a book to her.
MIL has come down on her own once before on the train and it went quite well but has said they can only come down together now because FIL misses DD. Which means they can't arrive before 11 and have to leave at teatime as FIL doesn't like staying over the night or driving in the rush hour and he doesn't like trains.

OP posts:

GrumpyHoonMain · 06/03/2020 15:51

* Which means they can't arrive before 11 and have to leave at teatime as FIL doesn't like staying over the night or driving in the rush hour and he doesn't like trains.*

That is plenty of time for your DD to build a really good bond with them. To be honest it sounds like you do have a set of grandparents who miss your DD and have told you they can be involved (even if it’s not as long as you want them to be) but you’re not interested because they aren’t your parents.

feebeecat · 06/03/2020 15:55

Meh, they know where you are if they’re really desperate. Although sounds like you’re better off as you are - just need to tune them out.
Mine are way older now so we don’t have this anymore - the thing that used to really get to me though, was sitting (while mil held court) listening to her moan about her in-laws and how she would never bother with them. My own mother had a very rocky relationship with her mum, so no visiting there either - they didn’t do it/had no idea what it was like on the other side. Never brave enough to tackle it with mil, but asked my mum about it once - that ended well 🙄

Huncamuncaa · 06/03/2020 16:02

I've tried to rise above it. My in laws live 10 mins away, my own family 4 hours. We once didnt see the inlaws for 3 weeks and when we did I was subjected to endless passive aggressive baby talk, at my baby 'Nana hasn't seen you for 3 whole weeks, because your mummy and daddy have been busy, yes they have, yes they have! You bearly recognise your own nana now do you? Do you?' Done whilst smiling at me!

I was so tempted to respond in a similar way, mainly for my own amusement but decided against it...it doesn't take much for mil to lose her temper and then sulk for weeks whilst we try to make amends. It's not worth it. They are at times help but on balance bring unnecessary drama to our family life.

MintyMabel · 06/03/2020 16:07

To be honest it sounds like you do have a set of grandparents who miss your DD and have told you they can be involved

Did you read the rest of it?

OP, I get it. My MIl was hard work in the beginning for all sorts of reasons. Everything on her terms but if that didn’t work for us we were stopping her being Granny. My mum wasn’t like that. It wasn’t a case of me being ok just because it was my mum, it was the case they were very different people. Mum and I could chat about stuff and when she offered advice she wasn’t offended if I didn’t take it. MIL would sulk about it. She had her own stuff going on at the time and we tried to be sympathetic about that but we hadn’t had the easiest of starts as parents so it wasn’t always possible to pander to her. She is a “visitor” as well. She wouldn’t help unless it involved sitting cuddling the baby.

Ten years on we generally get on really well but that newborn bit was a struggle.

forrestgreen · 06/03/2020 16:08

Gp, oh we haven't seen gc in ages!
You, fab come down on Monday you can have dd and I can get on with much needed work.

Expect tumbleweed or excuses but it'll shut them up

partofthepeanutgallery · 06/03/2020 16:10

I'd be blunt with all of them: "We're not interested in 'fair weather' grandparents for our children. You're all retired and sit around moaning that you don't see us enough. But you all put your heads down when we need help, like the past few weeks when YOUR grandchildren, the people you claim to desperately want to spend time with and grow up loving you, and disappear. But still moan that we don't see you ... and expect us to bend over backwards to do so when they're not unwell. Sorry, but no. When we finally get back on our feet, we're going to spend time with people who gave a fuck when we were struggling ... and right now, that isn't you."

Original poster

poppymatilda · 06/03/2020 16:10

@GrumpyHoonMain I've got zero objection to them doing this but they keeping making excuses not to bother and I'm not really in the mood to chase them for a date when we're proper full on dealing with sickly DD. It gets to the weekend and me and DH just want to collapse atm

OP posts:

Flip

1 2