Daughter disclosed self harm what shall I do?

[namechangehelp]

Name change and posting here for traffic. My DD12 has just disclosed she had self harmed. What do I do please help?

Thankfully she has told you so the next step would be to speak to your GP and ask for a referral to CAMHS

Also just try to be really understanding and give her lots of hugs and love and tell her she just needs to come downstairs and talk to you if she ever feels that way again, and there’s nothing in the world that can’t be sorted

Gently find out why?

I did this due to a mixture of bullying and sexual abuse.

It was a release. A burst of physical pain can distract from mental pain. It's not always as a result of mental health problems.

But definitely see your GP.

Be gentle. Don't call it attention seeking. Don't minimise it.

The fact that she has told you is bloody brilliant! I say that as a mum of a DS who has self-harmed. He is primary school age, and the school were fantastic. They assigned him a learning mentor, he had weekly sessions with her to talk about his emotions etc. I also did some stuff with him at home, there are a few books I can recommend. She may not even be able to explain why she's done it, but if you can gently talk and encourage her to discuss the events leading up to it that might help.

Hand hold from me, I know how heartbreaking it is and how helpless you are feeling right now. FWIW my son hasn't done it for about 6 months now. You can and will help her x

It's distressing and alarming to find this out about one of your DC, but try not to panic. It's brilliant that she felt able to tell you.

Yes, seek help.
Keep talking, without interrogating her. When and where is she most likely to open up to you?
In the car, on a walk, late at night, when there's just you two home? Note this, and keep those opportunities happening.

I found ringing Young Minds extremely helpful. Spot on info from people who knew what they were talking about. ( GP not v well informed)
[[https://youngminds.org.uk/contact-us/parents-helpline-enquiries/]]

Hi, I work in CAMHS.

I’d just start by talking to her and trying to understand what lead to it, what the self harm was “for” (eg distraction, self-soothing, suicidal etc). Ask her how she felt after it, if she still has thoughts of doing it etc. And what she did, what she used etc.

Self harm is often a coping mechanism, so it’s worth getting an understanding of the trigger(s), how she copes, what other ways she has of coping. And then exploring alternatives to self harm (talking, distraction, rubber bands etc etc).

Provide a calm, safe environment to talk through these things. Try not to get upset in front of her, and be understanding and comforting.

Remember that self harm is not the same as suicide.

It’s fine to go to GP, although CAMHS may not necessarily be required (or either the right service). Self harm is not necessarily a sign of mental illness per se. That’s why it’s important to understand triggers and address them, rather than rushing to medicalising it.