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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To DS stay with grandparent while I work

31 replies

UnbalancedMum · 05/03/2020 14:51

Bare with me I’m hesitant to post! 😅

So quick back story, I’ve started a new job as a TA, started beginning of jan, contract is currently to July with the hopes of it being renewed (all down to sen funding etc)

I’ve not had any days off yet, I’ve left early once when my dd (7) was sent home from school for being poorly.

Other half is a lorry driver but is home in the evenings/weekends.

This morning DS (6) woke with a very sore bloodshot puffy eye, no gunk! His dad recently had conjunctivitis and DS has also had a bit of a cough/cold but no temp and been fine in himself. My dad is currently on annual leave and given the situation I took DS to get some eye drops from the chemist and asked my dad to look after him and give him the eyedrops until I or my other half finished work and could collect him, DS fine in himself like I say just the bad eye! School won’t administer eye drops so I didn’t send him in and I feel they would have sent him home if they saw his eye.

Other half then makes out I should not have done that and should have had the day off to be with DS. I feel it didn’t warrant me taking an unpaid day off this early into my contract and DS would be happy with grandad who is more than capable.

AIBU to think this? Should I have took a day off?!

OP posts:
Londonmummy66 · 05/03/2020 14:55

If DH feels that it was wrong to send DS to a grandparent then DH could have taken the day off work to look after him. If he's not going to do that then he must accept that it is your call.

0v9c99f9g9d939d9f9g9h8h · 05/03/2020 14:56

Not at all, I think you made a sensible choice. Can't understand why your DH cares.

PurpleDaisies · 05/03/2020 14:58

You didn’t do anything wrong.

Clymene · 05/03/2020 14:58

Why? If your dad is more than capable why should you have taken an unpaid day off work?

Original poster
UnbalancedMum · 05/03/2020 15:02

DH refuses to take a day off “unless absolutely necessary” because is easier and less of a loss on income for me to do so. It’s just been put across by him that I’ve chosen work over one of our children and I’m not doing the right thing by working. If I felt one of our children needed me home and wouldn’t be well enough to be looked after by anyone other than ourselves than I would be home despite his views I do put our children first it’s one of the reasons I changed to this job and would like to keep this job to work around them more because of the hours/school holidays etc

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 05/03/2020 15:03

Of course Yanbu. Why would you even question this?!?
To take a day off work (so early on as well, especially as youve already had half a day) to look after a child who isn't poorly when the gp has said they'd do it, would be absurd.

arethereanyleftatall · 05/03/2020 15:04

Ref your second post, please don't question yourself or your mothering skills. On the contrary, your h sounds like a bully and a twat.

PurpleDaisies · 05/03/2020 15:04

It’s just been put across by him that I’ve chosen work over one of our children and I’m not doing the right thing by working.

That’s quite a worrying attitude. It sounds like he prefers you in the financially dependent box.

TulipsTwoLips · 05/03/2020 15:04

YANBU at all.

Booboostwo · 05/03/2020 15:05

Your DH is such a joker. So it's OK for him to permanently prioritize his job over his sick DCs, but you need to drop a day's work with no notice even though there is a very reasonable alternative.

inwood · 05/03/2020 15:10

You're in a new job it's nonsensical that he wouldn't take the day off. TBH dh is a teacher and I cover the sickness as it's a ball ache for him to take short notice time off

Original poster
UnbalancedMum · 05/03/2020 15:10

This is the second time this has happened. The first our DD who has hyper mobility was having a bad day with some pain and fatigue so she stayed with grandad for the day and basically laid on the sofa with a duvet all day watching some films and on off napping and recouping and I was wrong then for not being with her.

If I’m honest I feel it’s an excuse to say I shouldn’t be working. Whenever I have an issue with tiredness or stress or anything else his answer is just that I should quit or shouldn’t have accepted the job.

Thanks everyone I feel less guilty now.

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 05/03/2020 15:12

DS is absolutely fine and he's probably having a brilliant day with granddad.

Your partner is a parent too so if he thinks your child needs a parent there he can be there.
Does he not understand that you working means your children have a better quality of life?

LettertoHermoine · 05/03/2020 15:12

God no! Be different if you handed over a vomiting child. YANBU at all.

pigsDOfly · 05/03/2020 15:16

Yes, your DH's attitude is very questionable.

Regardless of the amount of income, your employers will be no more happy for you to take random days off than your DH's employers will.

He's implying that your job is just a 'little' unimportant job that has no value. Why is he seeking to undermine you like that?

You did exactly the right thing. Absolutely no need for you to take a day off, it's an eye infection fgs, your child isn't in hospital.

PurpleDaisies · 05/03/2020 15:17

God no! Be different if you handed over a vomiting child.

As long as the grandparent was happy, no reason why that would be a problem.

BrimfulofSasha · 05/03/2020 15:20

As long as your Father was happy using AL to look after your son I don't see why your DH has a problem.

Original poster
UnbalancedMum · 05/03/2020 15:22

My dad was more than happy and I’m very grateful for that. My parents are also the only “help” we have in regards to childcare etc and love to do it when they can so I know I’m lucky in that respect!

OP posts:
Runmybathforme · 05/03/2020 15:30

Your DH is being a total nob. You’ve done nothing wrong. I’m sure your DS and his Granddad had a lovely day together, all’s well.

Purpleartichoke · 05/03/2020 15:35

Mild illness and a willing grandparent is about as perfect of a situation as you can get.

PlanDeRaccordement · 05/03/2020 15:38

You have done the right thing. It’s not like your Dad is providing thirty hours a week childcare. These are occasional events when the children are not seriously ill, but too ill for school.

Maybe he has a different relationship with his dad and secretly thinks your dad feels imposed upon? Or maybe you’re DH was raised thinking men are useless at childcare or should not have to do it?
I’d have a open talk with your DH about why he seems to be irrationally against your dad doing a bit of care now and then.

Waveysnail · 05/03/2020 15:42

No reason at all he shouldnt stay with grandad.

Iwannatellyouastory · 05/03/2020 15:54

Does your husband want you to give up your job and is trying to guilt you into doing so?
He’s doing his best to make you seem unreliable to ensure your contract doesn’t get extended.
Or is he worried that having grandad look after your ill child makes him, as dad, look bad for not taking his share of time off?
Is he controlling in other ways.

QuietCrotchgoblins · 05/03/2020 16:48

It was standard growing up for grandparents to look after you if poorly. I don't have parents that can help me out which is stressful managing sickness between me and DH both working. If he's got a problem with it then he can take the time off.

It does sound like he might be having a dig at you working. Has it made life harder for him? As in is he having to do school drop offs or more housework?

PanicAndRun · 05/03/2020 16:57

Sounds like he's not happy that you are working and he's using everything he can,including emotional blackmail to make you quit.

Ask yourself why does he want you at home and completely dependant on him. The answer won't be pretty.