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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really pissed off that my so called friends think it is ok to smoke in the same room as a 6 week old baby and for them to be all snotty because we refuse to see them with our kids

115 replies

sheepgomeep · 06/09/2007 16:24

I just cannot believe thier stupidity and thier naivety i really can't. They have used the excuse that as she smoked in pregnancy then the baby is used to it and will be ok.

They have gone snotty on us because we wont take our kids there.

No amount of education will make them change thier minds and whats worse her whole family have started it too so at any one time up to 8 oeple are smoking in the same room as that poor baby!

I am not turning this into an anti smoking rant as dp and I both smoke but we both go outside well away from the kids and are both very aware of the risks .

They give teenage parents and people on benefits a really bad name

OP posts:
KerryMum · 07/09/2007 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDuchess · 07/09/2007 22:28

Yes, your name really does suit you Divastrop.

Perfect, my arse. Every smoker I have met has a reason to continue smoking. My mother is the perfect example of the sort of deluded person who comes up with every reason to continue smoking.

But I am not going to enter into a debate about that with someone who has PND. I merely expressed some sympathy for someone who is suffering with something that I also had.

I am just as entitled to express an opinion as anyone else and I am certainly not perfect.

divastrop · 07/09/2007 22:36

i didnt say i wanted to quit.and yes,when i want to,i probably will.

everybody has the right to an opinion but what gives you the right to be so condecending?

TheDuchess · 07/09/2007 22:43

I suspect you are being defensive because you don't like hearing the truth. But I understand that, so I won't take it personally.

GodzillasBumcheek · 07/09/2007 22:47

The smell is unpleasant, but i really don't think it would harm in the quantities it would be on clothes etc. It's when your kids are getting lungfuls of it, or it's hanging in the air (as it does when people have been smoking in a room, even with the window open) when it could do damage.

Another thing that bugs me (and you can't tell the people who believe this - it seems to go in one ear and out the other), is that opening a window does NOT suck the smoke out...nor does standing in the doorway mean that smoke blows outside. Quite the opposite most of the time in fact.

chattychantelle · 07/09/2007 23:02

Hello

Theres no way thats unreasonable - that baby has been inside you for nine months in unpolluted air so why would you want to start polluting there little lungs!! im asthmatic and theres no way I could sit through it and I'd have a choice in the matter

harleyd · 07/09/2007 23:08

i started smoking at 13. i stopped throughout all 4 of my pregnancies. i only smoke now when i am outside. without my kids. nobody is allowed to smoke round my kids. i wouldnt smoke round anybody elses kids.

divastrop · 07/09/2007 23:08

i would say why i think you are being condecending but it would go against the MN philosophy.

believe it or not,i have heard the truth about cigarettes many times

TheDuchess · 07/09/2007 23:17

Good for you. Don't let it get to you, it isn't healthy. Accept what you cannot change an all that. You can't change my opinion and if you notice I am not wasting my time trying to change yours.

You might think I am being condecending; however it is very difficult to assess tone via the internet. But I accept that is what you think of my posts. Hey ho.

Jackstini · 07/09/2007 23:18

YANBU. Would not in a million years take my kids round and risk their heath just because said friends are complete feckwits.
8 people smoking in a room with a 6 week old? - sorry but I call that child abuse
Even when you are addicted (I don't pretend to know what it's like because I never have been) you don't need to do it in their poor little faces.

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 07/09/2007 23:37

crikey my threads kicked off!

seriously though.. kerrymum you are spot on when you say that you have to want to give up and have a bloody good reason to do so

Take my mum for example. My parents struggled for years and years to give up smoking.. finally after my dad developed empysemia (sp) and numerous other smoking related probs in his last year of life they gave up and did very well

Sadly it was too late for my dad and he died of cancer 3 weeks after my dd2 was born in may.

My mum started to smoke again but two weeks ago gave it up again as she promised my dad she would never smoke again if he died.

I know people will say well hasn't it given me a wake up call and it has in a way but at the moment I'm too busy dealing with my grief, coping with my baby who has reflux and is also an horrendous sleeper and possibly dealing also with a touch of pnd

So if having a fag outside to help me through my day as a shortterm release to my stress and upset then I will.

I do not want to go back to self harming myself as I did 3 years ago. Better to have a smoking parent who does what they can to eliminate the risks of smoking around her children than one who is completely and utterly stressed and resorts tio cutting themselves with broken glass and scissors to help her deal with her problems.

OP posts:
GodzillasBumcheek · 08/09/2007 09:22

I would have to agree there sheep!
I respect anybody who accepts that they are addicted but does not force that addiction on other people.

Doodledootoo · 08/09/2007 09:33

Message withdrawn

Ripeberry · 08/09/2007 14:15

What puzzles me about smokers who live on benefits is , how can they afford to smoke?
A friend of mine smokes 20+ a day and is always complaining of not having enough money for nice food.
Suggested she could cut out at least a couple of packs a week and hey presto! lots of money, but no, the smokes are much more important.
Luckily she does not have children..yet.
It just saddens me that some of these young parents feel the need to smoke when they have their youth and health on their side.
Just got back from work this afternoon after doing home visits and one lady is recovering from an operation due to lung cancer and she is in agony! and crying and saying "don't ever smoke", all i could do for her was put a blanket on her and make her comfy as sleep is her only escape from the pain.
She never had the kind of info we have these days about the dangers of smoking.
Health is an asset and should be treasured when we are lucky enough to have it.
AB

Doodledootoo · 08/09/2007 14:21

Message withdrawn

TheDuchess · 08/09/2007 19:18

It's a load of crap that heroin is easier to beat that cigarettes. Its just another excuse peddled by the smokers. But believe it if it makes you feel better.

Can you tell how much I hate smoking?

Doodledootoo · 08/09/2007 19:22

Message withdrawn

Bouncingturtle · 08/09/2007 19:34

My ex-boss had a 60 a day habit, which he packed in when his kids were very young. They are now in their 30's and he hasn't touched a fag since (and is a rabid anti-smoker!). So this was before all the aids that smokers can get.
So it is possible.
I also agree with what Ripeberry about people who smoke and then complain they can't afford this that or the other. I would advocate giving up smokes purely on financial grounds! Assuming a 20 a day habit costs you around £4 a day, that's £28 a week. £28 a week per year is £1456 ! Hmm, fancy an all inclusive holiday to the Canaries? Seems like a no-brainer to me.

BTW - OP - YANBU - you are absolutely right to want to protect your kids.

divastrop · 09/09/2007 17:35

theres alot of things i see as a waste of money though that others do not,such as running a car if you live in a city,buying designer clothes for small children etc etc,so i dont get the 'why waste money on fags' argument.that said,i did hear a former neighbour of mine telling her brother that her kids wouldnt be going back to school in september as she couldnt afford their uniforms,(she was on benefits and at that time you got a £35 uniform grant per child in this county)while she puffed away on a fag and swigged a can of stella.that attitude does piss me off.

theduchess-unless you have smoked for 15-20 years then quit cold turkey with no withdrawal symptoms then i suggest you STFU.

doodledoo-i'm fine thanks

jussy1 · 09/09/2007 18:33

Hi there, i may be a bit late for this post. I am pretty much live and let live kind of person.

FACT passive smoking triggers meningitis we all have it in our throats it just takes a trigger to set it off i,e, passive smoking.

So stick with it girl, i watched my son for months suffer in hospital although we never had smoke in our home the odd visitor would light up and i was too much of a wimp to have a go. Not now if they dont like it tough. My cildren are much more important to me than anyone.

nurseyemma · 09/09/2007 18:44

I gave up smoking to have my dd (10 and am still given up, luckily I naturally went off tobacco when pregnant the smell made me feel queasy.

Not bothered if friends smoke outside well away from her but I'm quite insistent that they don't do it near her. It's really unfair basically. I don't want her to experience the effects of tobacco or the smell. All our friends are v understanding about it.

I struggle to understand why anyone wouldn't be. Some parents we know Do smoke, outside, in private away from their children. They are trying their best and it's by far the better option than smoking in front of them.

TheDuchess · 09/09/2007 19:06

Well divastrop, perhaps it is time to reveal that I did smoke for a good 15 years and gave up just like that. Easy as anything.

So I do know what I'm talking about.

I put off giving up for years and used all the excuses under the sun. So, I am the very worst kind of smoker: the ex-smoker.

So stick that it your pipe!

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 09/09/2007 20:34

just because you found it easy to give up theduchesse doesn't mean to say that many of us don't.

Everyone is different.

jussy I've never heard that passive smoking triggers meningitus.. can you do any links?

OP posts:
divastrop · 09/09/2007 21:36

i dont smoke a pipe

im sure that when i want to give up then i will do so easily.i also know that when i've tried to give up,ive failed,as im constantly thinking about it.

Elasticwoman · 09/09/2007 21:56

TheDuchess: your posts were not condescending, they contained truth that Divastrop didn't want to hear.

I thought that smoke stayed on the breath for 12 hours, not an hour and a half as some one said. If it's on your breath you can't get rid of it by showering etc.

My brother had a heart attack at age 43 and gave up immediately, cold turkey. Hasn't smoked since, and it's 12 years ago. He had been a 3 packs a day man for decades. Some one asked him, how long does it take for the craving to go away? His answer: it never goes away.

Divastrop, you could give up easily if you wanted? Yes, and I could run a marathon.