First date - guy bringing dog

[Macaroni46]

So I've been chatting to a guy online who seems very nice etc and we have arranged to meet for the first time at the weekend.
We are going for lunch at a pub I a village half way between where we both live.
I am aware he is a dog owner and very fond of his dog. Talks about him a lot, sends pictures of him etc.
Through the course of our message exchange it transpires that he is bringing his dog to the first date. I'm not sure how I feel about this?
AIBU in feeling it's odd? Or should I just embrace it? After all, a plump middle aged woman can hardly be too choosy!

We once moved to a small village and the next door nb came to introduce himself. We exchanged names and he was looking past us the whole time, then asked if we had a dog. We said no and his face fell. We tried to remain friendly with him but his dog stinky house and stupid barking dog were incompatible with our lack of dogs and disinterest in them. He clearly thought there was something wrong with us.

If she’s not comfortable with him bringing the dog, then - sounds like it or else she probably wouldn’t ask - she can cancel, or just say sorry, but she’s not keen on dogs.
So the bloke will either a) come minus dog but realise that the relationship is probably likely a non starter, or b) just cancel anyway, rather than waste time on a non-starter.

If she’s not comfortable with him bringing the dog, then - sounds like it or else she probably wouldn’t ask - she can cancel, or just say sorry, but she’s not keen on dogs

But the dog itself doesn't particularly bother her, as I understand it. Her problem is that she doesn't like that he assumed she'd be ok with it, and didn't ask first. It's about his lack of manners or considerateness, rather than the dog.

He sounds lovely! Don't think it's odd at all but then I'm a massive dog lover

Macaroni, enjoy the date. It’s just two people getting to know each other a bit better and hopefully having fun regardless of whether you want to see each other again. You will likely find out more about his relationship with his dog when on the date eg. how much his dog determines how he lives (holidays, last minute weekends away, days out) and how compatible that is with the type of life you would like. Neither of you are offending each other by saying you aren’t compatible. He possibly lives a life where his dog goes with him most/all of the time like many others so and so that’s his norm. He has introduced you to the fact he has a dog which he clearly loves and you have continued to communicate with him and agreed to a date rather than his dog being a reason to discontinue. You have asked that he doesn’t bring the dog on the date and you may find out during the date why he doesn’t want to leave the dog at home, eg. is he going to go for a walk with him/her after the date, would the dog make noise if left at home, is he having work done at home so won’t leave the dog there etc. You can build a better picture of what life may be like with this guy during the date. Please don’t feel like you have to sacrifice what’s important to you. We can compromise in relationships in a healthy way but don’t compromise on something major that could potentially leave you resenting your partner (and his dog 😬). You don’t have to “put up” with something, you both deserve a relationship with someone who makes you truly happy. Enjoy it! (And ignore all the comments criticising your honest feelings.)

Are you sure he's bringing a dog or fancies some 'dogging'. See the Car Share episode with this

I personally think dog owners have lost perspective here. A first date? You take flowers or chocolates not some smelly, hair shedding animal.

The 1950s have landed. I don't want chocolates or flowers on a first date. It smacks far too much of keeping the little woman happy. Men who do this tend to adhere to a very old-fashioned code in which women are not intelligent, autonomous beings. Bringing a dog along is, for many people, fine. If it's not for you that's also fine, but don't put a blanket ban on it just because it doesn't suit you.

I think it's a good sign - after all, a predatory psycho trawling the Internet looking out for a victim is hardly going to be keen to bring Fido along on a first date.

PS: why shouldn't a plump middle-aged woman choose to be choosy? That's a rule thought up by men, surely?
Look around - there are regiments of fat, bald, slobby guys (think Harvey Weinstein) who think they're entitled to expect women to fall at their feet.......deluded idiots!

Go girl!

Awww I'd love that haha dogs are great. He will want to see you both get on. Embrace it becouse if he loves his dog then doggy will be a big part of his life and yours if you continue seeing each other.

I personally think dog owners have lost perspective here. A first date? You take flowers or chocolates not some smelly, hair shedding animal

If someone bought me flowers or chocolates I doubt the date would last the length of a cup of coffee.

What are you meant to do with flowers and chocolates? Where are you supposed to put them

At least a dog you can chat to and stroke.

I had a ddog.
She was neither smelly (you know you can bathe a dog) nor did she shed hair.

I personally think dog owners have lost perspective here. A first date? You take flowers or chocolates not some smelly, hair shedding animal

I would run a mile if someone brought chocolates or flowers on a first date. Really OTT and creepy IMO.

i have a dog and I wouldn't take it on a first date, unless it was a specifically dog friendly date.
They are distracting.

@MingVase you have summed it up exactly!

a predatory psycho trawling the Internet looking out for a victim is hardly going to be keen to bring Fido along on a first date

I used to think this too until I read about Denis Nilsson... and his dog.

@Macaroni46 I would feel the same as you...a date is about 2 people not 2 people babysitting a dog! It would be distracting having a dog there - as for people saying he deserves a dog lover 😂 how does anyone know how you'll feel about the dog? You may fall in love with him and his dog but all in good time? Maybe single parents should take their kids on dates because at the end of the day they are DEFINITELY a package deal! Or maybe you should just meet the person FIRST see if there's an attraction and THEN meet dogs/children/friends etc as in normal relationship progression? Everyone is going to have a different opinion but he should have asked out of courtesy in my opinion. Please let us know how it goes! Don't worry about the dog being in the car, I'm sure he'll check on it, leave the windows open and it's not warm plus it's his choice to bring it

I think it's a great idea - something of an ice breaker, probably a deal breaker for him if you don't like dogs, means he doesn't have the excuse of needing to get home to let the dog out. Gives a more natural situation so any nerves are kept in check. However, that;s me.

I can understand your feelings re dogs near food/in restaurants, but if he trusts his dog in this situation, then fair play to him. If the dog is pesky, then maybe he's a bit thoughtless.

Either way you get more information about him than you would on a "date" where you are both trying to impress and be on your best behaviour!

Oops, missed the other bit - I agree that, even as a dog lover myself, it would have been better had he queried if it was okay beforehand. You could have allergies or anything.

I took my dog on a first date! If someone didn't like my dog, I wouldn't go on another date with them...

Wow 18 pages later, and yes I totally agree that he should have asked you first OP as it's called manners...
Ignore the name calling, it's quite normal on mumsnet for that to happen for some reason

I'm more excited that it's a first date! Have you chosen what to wear?

I met a nice new dog this morning, not long out of rescue (sort of beagle crossed with labrador for those who like detail, found tied up). He likes his new owner and her partner, he is coming to terms with being house trained. He doesn't like the new owner's mum yet. I think if nice man has a dog, this kind of detail would matter.
I used to know a divorced man who shared the marital dog with his ex. He had the dog Friday afternoon to Sunday evening. She was a border collie. The owner was nice, I'd imagine that he'd have taken the dog to a pub at the weekend.

@Layoverlife no I haven't decided on my outfit yet and as we may end up going for a (doggie) walk it kind of changes the parameters of what to wear. I like to dress up a bit lol

I'm not a nice person because I'm not mad about dogs hmm
He must be lovely because he owns a dog hmm

^^ This. You are spot on. The reactions you are getting from people on here are mind boggling [hmm[

On my first date with my DP I woke up the morning of the date hungover and wishing for death. I was seriously considering cancelling the date. However, he messaged early and asked what I thought about the idea of him bringing the dog. That sealed the deal for me. I instantly knew I was going on that date, hangover or no hangover. Been together and very happy ever since. I found the dog to be a great ice breaker. There's no awkward silences if a dog is there!

But the point is - HE ASKED ME. I would be annoyed - as a dog lover - if someone just assumed they could bring an animal and not so much as ask if it could be an issue for me.

I think it's lovely 😊

If he had asked you, would you have said ‘fine’?

You already knew he loved his dog and it was a big part of his life.

Pub lunches and dogs go together. Had he suggested bringing dog to your house or out for cocktails : different.

Had he asked, and you would have said ‘of course, I would love to meet DDog’ you are being a princess pita.

But I hope you do get on and have a lovely time.

If he had asked me about bringing the dog I would have been honest and said I'd prefer just to meet each other the first time. (I have actually now said this to him) And I'd have said if we get on then of course I'd like to meet your dog, just as I'd like him to meet my DC - If that had then been a no for him then fair enough.
I feel that if the dog comes I'm meeting two 'people' whilst there's only one of me. He has a crutch, his best friend, his beloved dog. I have just me. Im outnumbered so to speak. Maybe I should bring my best friend along too?
And for a first date I would like the focus to be on each other. If that makes me a princess diva so be it.
As it happens, we've talked about it and whilst he's bringing the dog, he's going to be in the car.
He suggested we meet in a town for brunch - not a country pub - and all these people saying we can go for a lovely long walk, dressing for a country walk is different to how I'd like to dress for a first date. (I also have knee problems and can't walk long distances easily so for a first date I'd rather not be put in the position of having to say "oh yeah I've got arthritis". It's not so bad that I can't do everyday stuff but a long country walk it would be painful and difficult). But again, if that makes me a princess diva so be it.
I'm just looking forward to meeting him as he sounds nice from our messages and if we get on we'll take things from there, dog included.