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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to ask SIL to take pic of my child off social media

30 replies

spicedemerald · 04/03/2020 06:27

Background: I’m divorced from DS’s dad so this is ex-SIL I’m talking about.
It’s DS’s birthday today and last night he celebrated it with his dad and that side of the family. All good. This morning I have woken up to ex SIL’s Facebook and she has posted around 10 photos of just DS with his name, in his school uniform from last night and a big paragraph about how old he is now etc. WIBU to ask her to take them down? I post pictures of him but I know who can see them as I am in control of my own privacy settings. I should also add that occasionally, we have both shared a one off image of our children together if they have been on a day out together and I don’t have an issue with that (nor does she) Somehow this feels different though.

OP posts:

Igotthemheavyboobs · 04/03/2020 06:33

I don't think yabu, I don't post pictures of any children on SM, they should have checked with you first imo.

BWcastle2000 · 04/03/2020 06:35

Report the photos to Facebook. They will remove them for you.

WingingIt101 · 04/03/2020 06:38

Yanbu

“Hi sue
Thanks for coming to celebrate ds birthday yesterday was lovely to see you.
Please take down the photos on social of him thanks so much!”

Maybe chat to your ex too if the relationship allows it (sounds it as you were celebrating ds birthday together!) and have his backing as it’s his family

TheBusDriver · 04/03/2020 06:44

Making a mountain out of a mole hill what if your ex has given her permission?

Original poster

spicedemerald · 04/03/2020 06:47

We weren’t celebrating together-he was with his dad’s side of the family and I know ex didn’t give permission as he isn’t on social media so won’t even know. What I don’t want to do is unnecessarily rock the boat as it has been a reasonably amicable divorce.

OP posts:

Honeybee85 · 04/03/2020 06:49

Yanbu, it’s her decision to do this with pictures of her own DC if she has any, but posting pictures of your DC without your permission is quite insensitive IMO. I would call her and ask her kind but firmly to remove them from FB and let her know you absolutely don’t agree with this ever happening again without your permission.

Riverviews · 04/03/2020 06:52

Tell your ex that he should speak to her and ask her to take them down. If he's not on social media, he probably doesn't want his son there either

EnidBlyton · 04/03/2020 07:26

why dont you want them up?

poppymatilda · 04/03/2020 07:30

My DH and I decided when DD was born that we didn't want to put any photos of her on social media so if somebody else did I would ask them to take it down. I would never post photos of someone else's child without asking them first.
Trouble is you've said you post photos yourself so I'm not sure you're on solid ground. It's sounds a bit like there's one rule for you and one rule for the rest of the family...

MsChatterbox · 04/03/2020 07:36

As you post images yourself the big issue here is that shes posted images of the school uniform so approach it from this aspect. I would just say that you don't feel comfortable with strangers knowing your child's name, dob, school and looks so could she please take them down.

MsChatterbox · 04/03/2020 07:37

But could you ask ex to speak to her instead?

TreeTopTim · 04/03/2020 07:40

I'm unsure about this. You post photos of your ds online so why is no one else allowed to.

reallyshouldknowbetter · 04/03/2020 07:42

Is it all of the photos of him you object to or just the ones in school uniform? Or the fact it's combined with his age? If you don't mind one or two pictures up, could you ask her to remove some of them/the ones in uniform and ask her to take the age out of the post?

If you object to the whole thing and you're on amicable terms with ex SIL just ask her to remove it (maybe explain that you feel uncomfortable with so much identifying stuff in one post?) Then if she won't you could report it to Facebook.

PurpleDaisies · 04/03/2020 07:43

If you post pictures of her child without asking her permission, be prepared for her to tell you you’re being hypocritical.

Bunnybigears · 04/03/2020 07:49

If the divorce with DH was amicable and the child isnt adopted orat risk in anyway does it matter that friends of your ex SIL know what school he goes to and his age? What do you think they do with that information?

MaryShelley1818 · 04/03/2020 07:49

I don't understand...I think you're either comfortable with photos on SM or you're not. I ask friends initially and if they're happy then I don't ask each and every time. I have 2 friends who don't allow this, and I'm respectful of their wishes, we have a lot of days out together and I make sure I vet every single photo carefully before putting them online. They're both happy with showing the back of their head and then I send any nice ones with their faces visible to them privately.

Also you're not the only parent, their father also has a say in this, and I presume he won't tell his sister to take them off. It depends how strongly you feel about the issue (not very as you post pictures yourself) whether it's worth causing a falling out.

Booboostwo · 04/03/2020 07:51

You post photos of your DC so it's a bit odd to ask her not to. You also need to talk to your Ex about this and come up with a joint parenting decision on photos and social media, then he can talk to his sister if needed.

Whatafustercluck · 04/03/2020 07:52

What @MsChatterbox said. I think the issue is the school uniform? If so, approach it from that angle.

Original poster

spicedemerald · 04/03/2020 07:56

TreeTopTim - I have privacy settings so I know who is viewing them. I am not in control of her account. It’s a big difference.

OP posts:

Fairylea · 04/03/2020 07:59

I think if you’ve shared photos before of both your children she probably doesn’t think it would have been an issue. If you’re worried about someone identifying him from the school uniform then just ask her to take them down and explain from that angle. I think otherwise though I’d just let it go- sounds like she has good intentions and was trying to be nice.

MaryShelley1818 · 04/03/2020 08:00

So do you also ban school photos, events etc?
If his dad shared them (if he used SM) you'd have no control over them either. And also any of your friends who have access could use/share them for any purpose. Once they're posted, your control has gone.

Dozer · 04/03/2020 08:02

SiL has been U.

Ask FB to take them down, ask ex-SiL to take them down too, particularly since DS is wearing uniform. Would also inform your ex. If she wishes to share photos with the family etc she can easily do this without FB.

chuck7 · 04/03/2020 08:04

I don't see the issue either really, especially if you also post photos. In reality you cannot control who can see you son, out on the street or online.

saraclara · 04/03/2020 08:08

If you post photos yourself you don't really have a leg to stand on. Sorry. I can't see how you can easily do anything about this without rocking the boat.

What you can do is talk to your ex about your social media policy for your DC going forward. You can tell him that your glad they had such a lovely time with his sister, but the photos made you stop and think.

If you can make a joint decision, that can then be shared with both sides of the family.

HermanHermit · 04/03/2020 08:11

It would be quite simple and non argumentative to simply ask her what her privacy settings are and go from there

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