To think I should move to countryside for children

[greywoollyjumper]

Pregnant with 2nd child and constantly thinking we should move to the countryside for better quality of life for children. Currently live in suburb of big city next to a busy road and worried about air pollution, crime etc. Not sure if I have a totally romanticised view of countryside living though - is it really as friendly, healthy and wholesome as I picture in my daydreams?? Anyone moved to countryside for their kids and regretted it / loved it?

www.theguardian.com/money/2018/jul/20/lets-move-to-ramsbottom-greater-manchester

I wouldn't! But it depends what works for you!

For me I love being near the city and not needing to have a car to get around - in london we cycle everywhere & the public transport is fab - can get out of town on trains easily, are near airports to get away (I pop home to Ireland very regularly to see my parents so being need to be able to get to airports easily)

I'm at work in 20 minutes by bike and am home in my house before 6pm everyday - (couldn't cope with a big commute)

Then I know from being a teenager and growing up in Dublin, I could get around on my own on public transport, didn't need to rely on my parents to drive me around! My Husband grew up in the Countryside and he said he would never go back / or raise kids there either haha!

Also the lifestyle we have - we love to go out to the theatre regularly in the west end, go to club nights and things like that - we can do those as a night out rather than a weekend away thing if we stay put in the city!

But those things might not be important to you & a Countryside move could be perfect for your family!

My DH grew up in an isolated village. Great for young kids but hated it as a teenager and young adult. Never moved back after uni, and says he wouldn't live in the countryside now.

I think it depends tbh. Me and 2 DSs (15 and 14) are rural and by rural I mean theres nothing. It was my childhood home and I loved it but my DB hated it once he was at high school. I was quite a solitary child - reading, walking with my dog and then ultimately praying around with my pony so it didnt matter to me. DB was much more a sporty people person and he found it hard. My parents drove home around alot but even so he hated the lack of freedom.

My DSs weidly are similar. DS1 happy with his own company. Walks his dog, goes out on his bike. His friends come round though regularly and they all game together online.

DS2 would prefer to be in town. He wants the freedom to pop round to a mates. He often drives me batty because when I go to pick them up from school he'll have wandered off somewhere with a group of them and I have to prat about waiting for him to return.

Its inconvenient now they older and have activities and hobbies and sports because they have to be driven everywhere and often because something is an hour long it's not worth going anywhere in between so I sit around a lot cursing them. They had very little road sense and confidence in going places independently until much later than their friends.

But the plus side is they have had freedoms that I am not sure they would have if I lived in town. Their friends love it for the novelty so we often have random kids here and they often remind me of the kids from the enid blyton books with the shenanigans they get up to.

I grew up in The Countryside - ie. on a hill not even in a village. I think that to move somewhere like that as a parent you have to be willing to give up some of the parental supervision you might expect to have elsewhere - I went round to friends houses by myself all the time but it meant walking alone for an hour or more down country lanes. I had a lot of sleepovers with mixed groups from about 12/13 because getting back was a pain. I loved exploring the countryside but I was often out for hours, at that time without a phone and even when I did get one with no signal. I know that some of these things were tricky for my Mum who grew up in a city.

Long term, i would be very difficult for me to move back to where I grew up due to jobs/house prices. So if the countryside is your move to your forever home you could find yourself apart from it children when they are adults. Obviously that’s a long way off though and you could plan for that.

With Manchester be careful not to gain a hellish commute for your DH. Him spending over an hour traveling each way to work (more when things go wrong) would probably be far worse for quality of life than living in a nice part of the city.

I prefer a healthy balance between city and country. We live in a medium sized town in Northumberland. We’ve got a cinema, leisure centre and shops, and when I was on mat leave I could walk to baby groups and docs and coffee shop with the pram. Easily accessible countryside, beach, and half hour bus to Newcastle. It’s not especially pretty as most of it was built in the 60s, but it’s the most convenient place I’ve ever lived in my life.

My DH grew up in the countryside and he liked it, so much so he wants us to move there but I refuse . I’m a city gal, I like the convenience of city life and I like the hustle bustle. I hate the fact you have no choice but to drive some distance just to go to a basic shop in the countryside.

I always find it strange when people say rural kids have nothing to do. It can be the same in a town or city depending on where you live and what the environment is like. DH grew up in South London, and he and his mates did nothing but go to the pub as late teens.

That's true enough but I would guess your DH had a choice of pubs to go to. The only pub in walking distance (or staggering distance) from our house is owned by someone who also works in the local high school with the local kids. The chances of ANYONE who lives around here getting served underage in her pub are less than zero.

It depends on you as a person.
I love it. The only downside is it’s a drive to get milk etc - painful when you’ve just got home!
But I love the peace and quiet. The idea of living in a city or town - or even a village really - sounds like hell.

I haven’t RTFT so this may have been mentioned - to me, most of the people that enjoy the rural life are people that love animals and enjoy having the space and interaction with them.
I couldn’t have 1/4 of my pets in a town!

I grew up in a rural area (half hour walk to bus stop, no shop and only a handful of houses). Never in a million years would I choose to live somewhere like that and I would never inflict such isolation on a child. Although I am in my 40s so I guess at least a child nowadays has the internet (if you can get a decent connection in the middle of nowhere).

We live in a little Midlands village that's kind of the best of both worlds; countryside and a ridiculously beautiful castle down the road but we can be at Euston in an hour from our house. The Dc are very sporty so even as a teen DS1 hasn't got time to get bored, the cricket, rugby and football clubs locally are busy, the schools are great and I wouldn't move to a city until they're at University.

I’m also pregnant with my second and living not in a city but in a large 100k population town where previously I grew up in villages of just 1000-2000

I’d much rather move back to the countryside.
It’s noisy here. I still have to get in the car to go to any shops anyway so anyone saying town living is more convenient I certainly haven’t found it so.
I hear shouting and screaming and people are regularly dealing drugs and vandalising cars (mine and my husbands included over the past 3 years)

I hate it here but don’t think I could afford to

I grew up in the sticks and was bored witless. I loved it when I was little but it was hell on Earth from 13+.

I'm very happy to be bringing mine up in London and they do far more exercise on a daily basis than their country cousins who are driven everywhere.

We did the opposite and moved to large city suburbs.

Country living is great and all that but there was fuck all opportunities for my kids as they got older. I know because I grew up where they were born.

YABU. The countryside is terrible for kids. You need to drive them everywhere, they have no independence, there’s no transport, they can’t ride bikes or walk in country roads as too dangerous. Opportunities are less. Activities are less. Everything is so far away.

Plus everyone will hate you as you’ve not lived there forever and moved from the Bog City and don’t know anything about the price of hay

I grew up in North Wales, a town not village but none the less it wasn’t a city, far from it. My own children are growing up in suburbia - outskirts of London, just into Surrey. I definitely think this is a better place for kids to grow up, and for that reason I’m staying here until my youngest leaves school (8yrs). The only reason I’m returning to Wales is because I want to buy a house, and I want to spend more time with my close old friends.

I think you need to be wary of where you select. Do you want to live completely away from everything? Or something inbetween?

I read something a while back (possibly MN) saying with dc 0-5 you’re best off in the city, 5-10 the countryside and 10+ the city again. But who’s going to move to the countryside for the middle 5 years and then move back?

Nice market town with good commuter links to a big city is a great middle ground. But you pay for that.

I think some people just really suit country living and others city, and you should go where best suits your ideals and lifestyle. But other than fresh air, I don't think rural living is better for children than city.

I live in a city in a high crime area. What I love for my children and couldn't give up for just fresh air:
Having many ever changing free museums and galleries less than 5 miles away.
Lots of parks and playgrounds to explore
Never having to wait more than 15 minutes for a bus or train
Being able to walk to libraries, cafes, super markets, school, bakeries, restaurants, takeaways, doctors, swimming pool, cinema etc. I'd had to have to drive everywhere.
Not being a slave to the weather.
Not having to plan full days out, we can go out for the morning or afternoon on a whim as we can get to so many places more quickly than if we were living rurally.
Having Amazon Prime, Prime Now, Click and Collect, same day Argos deliveries, Just Eat, 24 hour supermarkets and garages and Uber Eats. I don't regularly use all of these but knowing the option is there I like.
Living in a multicultural area, having international food markets on the end of my road. My 3 year old didn't know what a date was in a book last week so we walked to the Turkish Grocers and bought some Medjool dates for lunch.
I can always find free events in school holidays, be that a Bear Hunt in a park or arts and crafts in a shopping centre.
My kids to to forest school, and we go to beaches a lot and spend so much time in parks and woodland I don't feel like they are starved of nature.

I did live rurally for a while and hated the silence, the isolation, the amount of driving it took to go anywhere, the lack of choice of local activities, that never ending Sunday afternoon feeling, the lack of indoor activities and the miserable weather. I always felt much more nervous going for walks in the evening than in my dangerous city at night, and forget it in winter when it's pitch black.

But if you love rural living, do that. The kids will be happy whenever you are.

Just read back and realised how wanky the Medjool date comment was . But when I loved rurally it was a Spar a few miles away and nothing else so being able to go to an international market in less than a minute on a whim deserves a spot on my pros list.

Sounds much like those who lived in the countryside could not wait to leave, and those who lived in a city could not wait to get to the countryside. I am in the second group.

@user1494182820 I agree, and raise yiu fresh coriander

I grew up in a rural setting and, while it was great as a small child , it was shit when I got older. No buses or public transport so you were at the mercy of your parents who might drive you if they didn't have a prior obligation or a shift to work. Feels bloody shit sat at home as a 15 year old on a Saturday night when all your friends are out and you can't join them.