To think I should move to countryside for children

[greywoollyjumper]

Pregnant with 2nd child and constantly thinking we should move to the countryside for better quality of life for children. Currently live in suburb of big city next to a busy road and worried about air pollution, crime etc. Not sure if I have a totally romanticised view of countryside living though - is it really as friendly, healthy and wholesome as I picture in my daydreams?? Anyone moved to countryside for their kids and regretted it / loved it?

Pub sounds good 🍺

Think carefully about moving rurally if you aren't used to it. You could also think about the outskirts of a town/city, or a nearby large village with a good bus service. There was a thread recently on living rurally, and the many downsides as well as the up.

Do you drive? You have to in the country as bus services can be very poor or non existent. There can even be limited places to go for walks in wet weather - when the fields are too muddy (like now) we walk on the roads, which are all narrow, 50mph, no pavement and not lit. I have teenagers and do 9-10pm pickups most evenings from various clubs. We do have an hourly bus service (I wouldn't have moved here without it) but it stops at 7.15pm.

As young kids, when you take them to all their playdates, it's fine. As older kids, when they would otherwise be calling on their friends themselves, the friends will usually be a bus ride away. Hence mum's/dad's taxi service.

How far away are shops? There'll be no takeaway delivery, taxis are expensive.

I love living where I do. I am not very rural - it's only 15 mins drive to the local town (but not walkable due to the roads). I love it, but certainly wouldn't want to be more rural that this :)

I was brought up in the countryside. Childhood was fine. The lack of McDonalds, swimming pool, cinema (etc) was balanced by the freedom to muck about unsupervised, though I suspect modern parents would be horrified by the amount of time we spent mucking about in and around the river, weir, gravel pit and sewage treatment centre!

But the teenage years were bad. It’s not just the lack of entertainment, it’s also the limited society, so that anyone a bit different from the norm is so conspicuous.

There are places in between suburb on busy road and countryside. I think the absolute ideal are small towns with nearby countryside and with public transport links to cities or big towns. Meets everyone’s needs.

Also be aware of seasonal travel problems for commuting as in weather and being able to get out and about, make no mistake you will be a glorified taxi driver and spend a lot on fuel. My dad lives 20 mins from me out of town, there are only 3 buses a day Monday to Friday and that's only in term time. He gets proper weather, feet of snow and flooding etc . His neighbours who have kids, spend a fortune in petrol getting to town for lessons, clubs, meeting up with friends at weekends or going to friends house as they have to be dropped of and collected . Summer: roads full of tourists, muck spreading, and farm traffic. Winter: snow, ice, no road gritters and flooding . First thing he bought after moving there was a 4x4. I stayed with him for a couple of months, I don't drive and was utterly dependant on his availability. Routine and emergency medical facilities are often some distance away so plan for anything carefully. Schools are not always within walking distance. Country life can be wonderful but there is a price to pay for it. Hope you find what you're looking for.

One other bit of advice, wherever you choose view it in the winter at least 3 times if you can. That way you see it at it's worst.

We moved back to a semi rural community where I grew up to be near family just before I had my second and you know what it's been the best thing we ever did. Public transport sucks and people moan over dog poop but other than that, i love it. Because I know the area I know the dangers that come with it, because I grew up here I know how to some what protect my children from that. You still get break ins, drug dens/dealers/users, shop lifters and busy roads but it's far less than living near or in a town. Don't think we've had any knife crime yet. But what we do have is amazing primary schools and high school and all the local amenities on our door step.

Complete rural was horrible and isolating I found, but also living close to a town was horrible as I never felt safe with a young baby.

I grew up in the suburbs, the moved to the middle of a city as young adult and now live out in the country (note: I’m in Australia, so “country” is more like rural Alabama than bucolic Cotswolds). All my life I wanted to live in the country and now that I do I really notice the limitations and small mindedness, which has become unbearable. Of the three options the suburbs would win; kids have options and things to do without city pressures, you get a diverse mix of people, and people are generally open-minded.

I think the best would be a big garden/ hobby farm on the edge of a large town, but obviously that comes with a price tag.

100% yes

I grew up in a very small remote village. It was great when I was little but so dull when I was a preteen and teenager. All I wanted was to have a friend who I could walk to see rather then being driven and endless phone calls to sort out details.

I remember watching a film on Children in Need about a city farm. It showed some inner city children going and knocking for their friends then then going off to the farm. They talked about how much money had been raised for them. I remember thinking why were they being given money. They had everything.

Also remember that just because you are surrounded by countryside it doesn’t always mean you can go stomping about in it as you wish.

Grew up in a small village. Boring as hell as a teenager, everyone moved away as soon as they could.

2 rta deaths in my primary school cohort (about 60 who were within 2 school years of me), 1 was drink driving before the age of 20

I was raped at 16 walking back from the next village. No public transport, no one around to attract help.

Brothers grew weed for something by to do

Only 8 girls my age to possibly be friends with, so no escape from bullying when you are the one person whose grandparents didn't go to school together

Needless to say I'm bringing my son up in a town

I moved out to the countryside and don’t regret it. However do consider transport links to the towns if choosing a home you’ll be in when they’re teens as they’ll likely need buses for school, college and work experience placements unless you can afford a parent to stay home and do the driving.

My children are definitely country kids and don’t like the city except for a novelty day trip, both adult children say they wouldn’t like to live in a city. I find this slightly odd as I grew up in London and it’s still ‘home’ when I visit.

PintofTea

My friends live in the countryside and it’s fine when their kids were little. Once their kids got to be teens they hated it. There was not much to do, buses came round only once an hour (sometimes even less) so it made them quite isolated and they got bored a lot. Bored teens is not a good thing- they need activities to keep them occupied. I think it’s just harder in the countryside due to lack of events/ facilities, lack of public transport and it kind of hindered them making friends. They did make friends of course, but the friends were much more scattered and harder to get to.

@MinesAPintOfTea
I’m so sorry - how absolutely awful

I always find it strange when people say rural kids have nothing to do. It can be the same in a town or city depending on where you live and what the environment is like. DH grew up in South London, and he and his mates did nothing but go to the pub as late teens.

But he had mates that he could walk to and a pub.
In remote villages there is neither.

I always find it strange when people say rural kids have nothing to do

It’s not strange it’s true. When you live in a place with buses only twice a day, no cinema or youth activities and the only community thing is a church hall and that’s it, of course it’s going to be boring for teens! At least in towns/cities there are clubs, cinemas, pubs, evening classes, meet-ups, exercise classes, gyms, libraries etc etc
There are none of those things in tiny villages. It’s boring.

Already mentioned upthread but watch This Country on iPlayer. Its a comedy but a very accurate account of living in the back of beyond. I grew up in a picture postcard village that people love to visit but it really was like picking up a rock and seeing all the bugs wriggling underneath. Drugs, crime, violence, bullying and like MinesAPintOfTea - sexual violence (my sympathies). Plus you'll always be seen as the newcomers. Some villagers had never even travelled to the next town. I couldn't wait to leave.

Now the village has been taken over by county lines gangs and the elderly people are completely intimidated by the violence. Plus it's boring and everyone knows your business.

I would go for a town instead of totally rural. Somewhere where you can go for countryside walks without having to get in the car but you still have shops and facilities on your doorstep. My parents moved us from a city to what was classed as the countryside. We moved as it was becoming dangerous and very run down and they wanted a better life for us, I'm glad they did.

I grew up in a rural setting near a small village. It was ok as a younger child although we lived in a huge catchment for school and I wasn't really able to play with my friends unless it was organised and facilitated by the adults. As as a teen I hated it, we were bored and started experimenting with boys and alcohol fairly young, getting in cars with older boys to get places. From knowing other people growing up in similar circumstances they've all said the same. It's was also quite gossipy rather than friendly and lots of fall outs. Of course the summer fetes etc are nice community events but I absolutely love city life now and made the decision to live here for better opportunities for dc based on my experience

I grew up in a rural area near a beach and there was lots of running around outside which was great (bar excess sun exposure back then).

Now in London and find there’s loads for the dc to do plus running around.

So imo choose what works for you too. Where you work and what you would enjoy. There’s no point in living somewhere you find stifling whether it’s rural or city.

Addressing pollution- yes country air is cleaner, but can be hellish if you are an allergy sufferer.

Crime- Some rural areas have high crime per capita as there are few prospects for young people, both job wise and extracurricularly.

If your face doesn't fit it isn't friendly at all- you aren't local unless your three generations deep in some places. It can actually be quite lonely.

If weather gets bad you can be stranded and have electricity cut off.

Do you really want to use your car to get everywhere, school, work, to get a pint of milk?

I grew up on a farm and it was lovely until we were about 7-8, we then moved to a small town, with far more for us to do and better job prospects for my parents (as well as childcare options and facilities)

When I was pregnant with DD we moved to a tiny village (just 3 streets) I hated it, it was incredibly lonely with a baby, no bus service and DH at work all day. We now live in a lovely market town which is well serviced, it's friendly (my face does fit, my grandparents live 1/2 a mile away). DD is 10 now and there are lots of clubs, good schools and we can walk to the local supermarket. I could even walk to work with my last job. The country side is literally on our doorstep, a NT place a 15 minute walk from my front door. We really have the best of both worlds and I love it.

We moved to the countryside after we'd had our second child, I'd moved away when I was 18 as there wasn't much opportunity for work, fun etc but then came back to raise our family and its the best move we've made.

Kids go to village school (think 9 in an intake) and forest school, we do loads more outdoor activities and generally it suits us and them!

I'm not going to pretend it's all totally idyllic, safe to say we're fairly exposed to weather, there's not much in the way of shopping etc and we know that we'll be the 'taxi of mum and dad' as they got older, but that's fine, it's worth it for feeling more relaxed and tbh a bit safer!

Good luck whatever you decide :-)

Other silly things are things like no where to ride your bike, no playgrounds.
My parents used to drive me to the next town where there was a really good playground with slides, roundabouts and a tarmac area to ride bikes on.
Also think about if there are any other children in the village. There are no children living in my parents village now.

I agree with Grumpos about 'paying for the privilege' of the perfect mix of rural and urban.
The average house price in our street is just over £400k(we live in a 3 bed Georgian end of terrace). Average for the town is £340k, quite a bid higher than the £234k national average- we aren't even home counties. Although you can be in central london by train or car in around 90 minutes so still commutable- also a 45 minute commute for the tech and science industry in a well known university city.