To not throw my son a birthday party

[AugustMummyxo]

Feeling like a very mean mummy atm My DS will be turning 5 in August and he's always had a birthday party. Small tea parties at home aged 1 and 2, in a hall with bouncy castle etc for 3rd and 4th.

I've asked him if he would like to do something a bit different this year but he says he would like a party because he's got all his school friends to invite. However, I feel I'm going to struggle to pay for one this year. I have a new job (TA) which pays less than previous one (admin assistant) and we also go on holiday the week before his birthday.

AIBU unreasonable to feel bad and find something else (cheaper) to do for his birthday.
AINBU to want to throw him a party and should cut down in other areas over the next 5 months so we can afford one?

If you suggest doing something different do you have any ideas? We're in the North West

The thing is, he wants a party! And you don't say that he's specified anything elaborate. So why not just have his friends around for a cake?

I think it would be mean actually not to do anything with some friends. That's what he wants! And it doesn't have to cost anything past an extra £20!

I'm not saying you ARE mean, OP. Just that you don't have to break the bank for a party and he'll be happy out!

The park sports day sounds really fun witha picnic. You can pick up medals in poundland at 5 they'd love this.

Have a little tea party with some of his closest friends at home. Obviously you cannot guarantee they weather in August but the garden might be an idea. Wouldn’t have to cost much.

I totally get it though. DD is 5 in July and never had a party before so I feel obliged this year. Going to cost quite a bit as she’s been invited to several so I feel like I’ll have to invite the whole class..

Why are so many people telling OP how to do the party?

Do you not think she’s thought of how to cost it lower?

@AugustMummyxo please don’t feel bad if you just can’t do a party. We’ve had a couple, but we’ve had more years when we can’t afford it than not. We still have a special birthday dinner (birthday person’s choice) and presents, and take a bag of sweets into school.

Please don’t feel pressured. Also, don’t feel pressured into having a big party because your boy is popular. I have twins at a two class intake school. They’re birthday is also after Christmas but before January’s payday . The most expensive party they’ve had thus far was laser quest and they were allowed ten guests each. At reception age they had five I think, it was at a local soft play.

If his birthday is August just borrow a gazebo and put it up in the park/ country park. Take some footballs and outdoor games (could also be borrowed) and some food. Easy and cheap and super fun

@ActualHornist because OP said that her son wants a party but that she’s worried about the cost.

So people have given suggestions for cheap parties.

YANBU

Also inviting a ‘few’ kids may not work when whole class parties are expected.

We’ve always had big parties and they cost a bomb, last year due to illness and other stuff I just did a little tea party for dd3 who was 3 which included myself, dd2 (6) dd 3(3) and my DGM. It was cute.

However dd2 asked when she was having her real party, the one where we all went to a play area and invite all her friends and family. She just couldn’t understand this was it

That was when I decided dd2 wouldn’t even be getting one this year because it’s the expectation that they are supposed to have one every year. I never did and it didn’t cause me any harm.

This year she was allowed to choose to go to a water park, no friends just us. She will still have a cake and a fancy tea. She wanted a party but but it’s ok to say no sometimes

I purposely kept DDs parties small up to the age of five as I knew we had to do a big party in reception year. She accepts that it was a one off and this year is going back to a party in our garden for her and 10 friends. Fortunately she is summer born and weather has been good up till now. God knows what we will do if it rains as we only have a 3 bed semi!

If it helps out of 30 in her class DD was only invited to class 10 parties in reception and a few smaller ones. This year the number of large parties have dropped considerably with most having smaller theme parties at home. Karaoke machines are proving strangely popular amongst 6 year olds .

RhymingRabbit3 my friend did this last year and it really good actually

The problem is that 5 is the normal age for the big class party - after that they stop (I don't remember my DD's going to big parties for 3rd or 4th birthdays) it's possible to throw a party cheaply - do traditional party games and make homemade food if you can find a cheap church hall for instance.

Definitely don't invite the whole class. Keep an eye on who's party he's been invited to this year. Can you do it at home?
What's his interests?

Just let him have has his closest friends round for a picnic/barbecue in the garden and a play. You don't have to fork out loads when you have a summer baby.

He has a summer birthday so you have it easy. Just invite his friends for a picnic in the park and all you need to do is bring along some outdoor toys and a cake.

YANBU. We did a big party last year but this year (6th birthday) we are just taking 5 of her friends bowling and getting them lunch there, as we have a lot to pay out for this year so said we'd do something bigger next year instead. I feel like a cheapskate because all her friends are having parties and I feel bad not inviting everyone, but she will have a great time with her closest friends. So don't worry, do whatever you can afford. I feel the more you do, the more they expect, so is good to do something low key for a change and show them it's just as much fun. They have many birthday's to come!

YANBU - parties cost over £100 easily. My two eldest have only ever had one party, my youngest never had one (although I will this year).

They don’t have to cost anywhere near that!

For posters not understanding the cost DD1 5th birthday party cost about £400 in the village hall.

Well, more fool you.
Unless you are minted of course, then knock yourself out.
However, the point is, the OP is saying he can't have a party as they are too epensive.Loads of posters have pointed out they don't need to be expensive at all.
Especially as the OP is a TA, so not going to be frightened at the prospect of organising a few games / activities for that age group, I presume.

YANBU. DS is an end of August baby so never had whole class parties as it was a nightmare trying to invite people 6 weeks before the party. No contact info for other parents. He’s not missed out one bit. We’ve always done a big day out and then cake and pressies with family.

If it helps my parents did the big party thing for me. Whole class invited. Clown hired. Bouncy castle etc. I don’t remember a single one of them .

Also inviting a ‘few’ kids may not work when whole class parties are expected.
Who gives a stuff what is "expected"? I'm sure the child would rather have a party with a select few children, than no party at all, which is realistically the option here.

Parties don't have to cost hundreds of pounds, you just have to be realistic and cut your cloth according to what you can afford or want to spend.

Do the party. Hire the hall and food

But don’t do bouncy castle. That will save budget and be about £80:90

Is that affordable

We hire a hall £30 for 3hrs

Food Iceland about £50

Then we do have a bouncy castle And ball ball think £120 but find easiest way to occupy toddlers

But with school age. Do free games

For the last 2 years my DS aged 7 has invited a few friends round to the house (only 4) and they've had a great time. We do a couple of party games like pass the parcel but to be honest they just want to play (with toy cars, trains, football in the garden, cards etc.). Each time I've bought a couple of supermarket pizzas and a cake. The whole thing is less than £15. This type is small party is his choice and he said afterwards "Mummy, that was the best party ever!".