when do teenage girls get easier or "better"??!!

[Thebishopofbanterbury]

posting here for traffic...anyone had a difficult teenager? My DD is 13 and has been hard work since age 12 when she started her periods. I'm talking screeching, screaming, moodiness, rudeness, risky behaviour..the whole gambit.. we are dealing with things as they occur, but my sense is that this is her very extreme reaction to her hormonal changes. Can anyone give me some light at the end of the tunnel? To those who have come through to the other side, how many years did it last before they became, well, more human again?!! I'm desperate thanks.

17 and still a nightmare. I don’t get why people keep having kids with all the info about how hard work they are available on the net. They are just a pain in the arse for most of the time they are awake. My eldest is 26 and full of drama too.

My (identical twin) girls became difficult, deceitful and unreasonable by the age of 15 to the point that one year my husband and I agreed that I could go abroad for Christmas to avoid 2 weeks with them. They became unmanageable by 17 so I threw them out one occasion (when caught shoplifting etc.), but they would subside and sullenly avoid us. It was a blessed relief when they went to Uni, but an unpleasant shock when they returned and re-occupied the house. The blame could not have been all ours as they also constantly fell out with each other badly. They slowly and gradually rejoined the human race by the time they started their careers in their early 20s and now, at the age of 31 are an absolute joy: beautiful, healthy, thoughtful, grateful, reflective and hard-working. It was a very painful journey, but it's good to have a vastly improved relationship with them at long last.

My dd19, while she had a few moments, was basically a dream. I would claim it was my amazing parenting except ds22 was a nightmare from about 9/10. He came out of it around 17/18. I thought I had gotten away with it with ds17 except he's been pretty stroppy for the past year.

If it's any consolation, the "Get out of my life" book reckons that if you want to see the adult they'll turn into, look at the teen they are away from you. If they are polite and lovely and pleasant with others and only witches with family, then apparently they'll eventually be lovely adults with you.

There is hope!

I'm ashamed to say I was a horrible teenager til about 17.5 which was when I got my first nice boyfriend. I totally agree with a PP who said it was when I started to become happier and more comfortable with myself, not hating my body, what was going on with my peers and unable to control my mood swings etc.

I got nice again around 17. I think driving helped with freedom

My daughter is almost 17 and we have had our moments....usually she swears at me or just doesnt speak at all but last night i got a lovely long cuddle and she said 'i love you'....im crying writing this now lol.

Mine both turned lovely when they went to uni and realised how nice home was compared to halls and house shares. They are now my best friends - and amazingly, given their childhood feuds, each other's, too!

At one point we fitted quiet closers to all the kitchen doors and drawers (DD1) and DD2 had to be threatened with having her bedroom door taken off its hinges and stored in the shed.

Hang in there.

For me it was when I met DH at 20. I was awful before then.

The hormones are the worst , eldest is 18 never had major fights or anything just crying for no reason thankfully that's over now . Next is a lad and he's nearly 13 I'm wondering how that will be compared to girls .

Removing their door is abusive imho.

I think 12-13 is the worst, for both sexes actually. At 14 mine were definitely returning to being somewhat more civilised.

I had three.

The first (whose subsequently been diagnosed ASD) was mostly pleasant, calm, kept herself to herself but with very occasional outbursts and is now a pleasant and calm adult.

The second (NT) was a nightmare teen, disappearing for hours, getting off the school bus and going to friends without telling me, drinking, yelling and screaming, death threats (towards adults), generally ghastly. She's now an accountant and, although she likes her own space, is a really nice person to be around.

Third is a bit of a drama queen. Highly strung, lots of teenage strops and dramas but rarely directed towards adults, more towards her peer group and her brothers and sisters. Calmer and easier to reason with than sister 2, but more door slamming and sighing and 'I'm going to my ROOM' than sister 1.

So it all utterly depends on their personality. My two sons were (and still are) completely different as well. But they do improve mightly as someone has said, when they go to Uni and realise that they don't have the worst parents/house/upbringing in the world.

13/14 was the pits - even for my usually very lovely dd. It was really hard on me - but I bucked up my ideas and started to treat her more like a young woman - which helped!

Thank you for all the responses! Can't tell you how much the answers have helped me..

I teach teenage girls. Most, but not all, are lovely by the time they reach 16.

I got sent to boarding school for a year when i was 16. My parents wrapped it up nicely and sold it to me as a great adventure, meeting new people, learning new languages etc. Now i know better, they were desperate
But it helped! I had the time of my life and when i came back i was a different person.

My personal experience (me😂) was when i passed my driving test (already had a full time job) so 17! Being able to get out the house a lot more meant me and my mum didn't argue at all

Removing their door is abusive imho

No it's not.

"Stop slamming the door" x 1000000000
Still slams door.
"Stop slamming the door or I'll remove it"
Still slams door.
Removes door.

They should have fucking listened.

They can have a nice quiet curtain for privacy until they've become contrite enough to properly apologise and ask for the door back.

Ex-teenager here.. 23 now.

I was an absolute bitch to my mum from about 13 until I was about 16. I then became very close to her and we have a fantastic relationship.

My advice is not to take anything to heart. I told my mum I hated her most days, she would roll her eyes and I’m sure it upset her but I absolutely never meant it.

She loves you, her hormones don’t.

Bare with, you’ll be overwhelming proud of who she becomes on the other side of its

Gosh I’m scared. I have an almost 16yr old teenage boy who is an angel (almost). Ds1 (now 26) was also pretty easy. DD1 is 12 at the end of the month. She’s a good kid so far. But I’m figuring I was a nightmare and my brother was good. So maybe I’m due my payback!

Ask my mum and she'd prob say that I stopped being an asshole when I moved out at 18. 😂

Dd 12 is particularly bad pre and during period. I had no idea pmt started so early. What can be done?

DD1 who is now 17 was just a bit stroppy, still is sometimes but we generally get along well. DD2 was on another level! Drinking, smoking weed, being verbally and physically abusive. She was sneaking out in the night to meet her then bf and was brought home by the police several times. She recently turned 16 and were just about back to ‘normal’. The odd strop. New bf is a very good influence. I dread to think what would be going on now if she hadn’t met him. I think I’d of left home.

When they leave home - absence makes the heart grow fonder