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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please someone who can think rationally help

32 replies

Aliceinwonder87 · 03/03/2020 21:05

I have recently left the funeral of a close family member to come home to have a slightly drunken conversation with my dh about finances. His colleagues have told him that they cannot understand how I as a sahp can be in control of Bill's etc when I do nothing and he is out working . He says he explained that I have a degree and aside could carry and breastfeed our daughter that I might have a better temperament for raising her he was made out to be wrong because he trusts me to pay our Bill's ets! Where have I gone wrong?

OP posts:
Isadora2007 · 03/03/2020 21:09

His colleagues have “gone wrong” not either of you. FWIW my accountant husband doesn’t know the login for our bank or credit cards so I settle all the bills etc. I was a sahm for years too but am educated and running a household is hard work. You and your husband are a team- you both work and your money is joint as you are bringing up his and your child. What’s not to get?

Fr0g · 03/03/2020 21:13

WTF is it to do with your husband's colleagues?
Presumably as a stay at home parent, you have more flexible time to do this anyway. (having spent 40 minutes at work today trying to get through to my bank).

StopMakingATitOfUrselfNPissOff · 03/03/2020 21:22

I can't make head nor tail of this.

Sexnotgender · 03/03/2020 21:24

You’ve done nothing wrong. Your husband has done nothing wrong.
His colleague is a knob. You the little woman shouldn’t be trusted with the money your man makes.

OlaEliza · 03/03/2020 21:24

Who was drunk? You or him? Why was he bringing this up on the day of a funeral?

Ignore the colleagues, they sound like knuckle dragging imbeciles.

CherryPlum · 03/03/2020 21:26

You what?

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 03/03/2020 21:27

I'm a sahp. DH holds down a decent job including responsibility for a decent sized budget. DH is absolutely terrible at managing household finances though. I handle the bills at home because he nearly bankrupted us. I love him to bits but sometimes I swear he leaves his brain in a drawer at work. Never mind I'm the one more able to deal with any issues that arise from said bills as I can make day time phone calls and he's meant to be working at work. His colleague is stuck in the dark ages I fear.

Boom45 · 03/03/2020 21:27

I don't really understand, do you not want to deal with the bills? In our house I leave sorting out bills to DH because he's an accountant and i am scatty and forgetful. I have access to the joint account so I know what's going on but our finances are better managed by the person in the house who knows what day it is. If you don't like dealing with bills and stuff maybe ask if he can take some responsibility?

rottiemum88 · 03/03/2020 21:27

Presume you're still drunk OP? Maybe come back and re-word this in the morning if you're still looking for advice

Furrydogmum · 03/03/2020 21:28

Are you still drunk? Come back to it with a clear head. You do you - if what you're doing works for your household it is nobody else's business!
Fwiw I was a sahp for years and have always dealt with the finances.

pickingdaisies · 03/03/2020 21:29

Blimey, where does your dh work, 1955? Don't worry your pretty little head about it OP, leave the men to do the hard thinking. (God I hope they were just winding him up)

Bunnybigears · 03/03/2020 21:29

Why is he talking about finances with his colleagues. Why are you talking about finances when you are drunk? Why are you talking about finances after you have been to a funeral?
Go to bed and talk about this in the morning.

GorkyMcPorky · 03/03/2020 21:29

When you've calmed down and sobered up you'll see that this is a non-issue. It's them, not you or you DH, and it's none of their fucking business.

Funerals play havoc on your equilibrium Flowers

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/03/2020 21:29

You don’t need higher education to pay bills. Or earn the money that pays them. Best not to discuss finances when you’re drunk. It’s none of anyone’s business.

Most importantly, if he’s fine with the status quo, why’s he telling you what some randoms think? Maybe he’s not that happy.

Pipandmum · 03/03/2020 21:30

My mother did all the finances for my parents. She paid all the bills and gave him a weekly amount. It's what worked for them.
My husband did ours. He was scrupulous in keeping track and budgeting. But it was our money (even though he earned it) and I never felt that I couldn't buy something. Any big purchases and we discussed it first no matter who was doing the buying.
His friends are totally out of order. It's none of their business. You probably have a much better idea of the household outgoings anyway.

RuffleCrow · 03/03/2020 21:34

Wtf what does it matter what his colleagues reckon? If they're so stupid they think raising a child and breastfeeding is 'nothing' then it makes their opinions pretty worthless.

Or is this one of those where a man is putting words in someone else's mouth in order to put his partner down?

ColaFreezePop · 03/03/2020 21:35

I suspect your husband's colleague is envious of your arrangement.

Any person who works full-time, especially if they work long hours, would love to have someone they trust to keep on top of paying bills for them plus do the annoying things like checking and switching tarriffs every 12-18 months.

CarolHasAnotherUTI · 03/03/2020 21:36

You haven't gone wrong. You are doing what works for your family. They sound financially controlling. Your husband doesn't.

Think of it as a good thing.

Member · 03/03/2020 21:38

It’s been an emotional day, drink has been taken; not good circumstances to discuss finances.

I think your husband is being stupid bringing this up in such circumstances. I’d suggest you refuse to discuss tonight & schedule it for another evening.

It’s nobody else’s business what your financial arrangements are.

LonginesPrime · 03/03/2020 21:38

OP, I don't think pages and pages of women saying they manage to handle their finances just fine will help you.

You had a drunken conversation with your DH about his stupid colleagues.

No rational justification of whether SAHPs can handle money is necessary as this is such an unbelievably stupid comment that it doesn't require a response.

It's also not for you to sort out your DH's work disagreements for him - it's down to him to deal with his colleagues and he shouldn't be upsetting you with their crap.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 03/03/2020 21:54

Sober up and think rationally yourself in the morning. There's nothing to be gained by debating with or about people who think mothers 'do nothing'.

1Morewineplease · 03/03/2020 22:00

I’m with other posters. Your post isn’t quite coherent and , if true, sounds a bit barmy.
Funeral, degree, breastfeeding, drunk , bills and friends shouldn’t all be in the same paragraph... if you see what I mean.

devildeepbluesea · 03/03/2020 22:02

I've no idea why you would even waste a second's thought on this issue, much less take the time to start a thread.

dottiedodah · 03/03/2020 22:03

You are probably feeling out of sorts after the funeral .Dont take any notice of his neandarthal workmates ,they sound like is 1961 or something !

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 03/03/2020 22:04

You haven’t gone wrong. You have managed to marry a decent bloke who isn’t financially controlling and doesn’t live in the Stone Age. Be thankful you aren’t married to his colleagues.