To ask you for quick stress self first aid.

[Boredbumhead]

Ive kind of hit the wall tonight mentally and emotionally. The kids have been pushing my buttons since they got home from school and delaying bedtime. I've just lost it with them. I'm a single mum and my work stress if off the scale right now. Something odd has happened with my brain and I feel at snapping point mentally when normally I just manage. Can you send quick ideas to get me out of this hole?

ASMR? Always helps when I feel stressed. I use the Gentle Whispering channel on YouTube. Russian lady called Maria and she's wonderful. Use headphones for best results.

Really sorry to hear you're having a tough time. Being a single parent is tough

A hot shower always sorts me out. (Baths don’t work for me) for as long as I need to stay in it. Then pluck my eyebrows and cut my fingernails. (Toenails too if they need done) not sure why but those 3 things always make me feel instantly better.

I find writing my stresses down helps.
But apart from that no ideas but I'll be watching this thread as I'm really struggling lately with life as a whole.

I was here last week. Also a single mum with totally absent dad and stressful job. It’s really hard. No real advice other than to see you’re doing amazing and thisis just a tough patch .

I wasn’t coping and have had to ask to cut back my hours as i work with kids in the day and i was losing is at my own at night . Then numb after and felt like I was breaking . I realise I am fortunate to be able to cut down though.

Things like taking them outside to run about while I sit on a bench with a thermos of tea helps.

Hiding in the toilet

Alcohol

Watching short comedy clips on fb while hiding in the toilet

Australian flower essences bush travel spray is amazing

Trying to get childcare once a month so I can bugger off alone for a few hours

Making a cake helps, weirdly .. therapeutic

More alcohol

Thanks all. Normally I am quite resillient but I feel just broken tonight.. cutting back my hrs may be the only way, but ex do contributes nothing financially so it is all on me.

Short on-line desk yoga on youtube. Some of the instructors have really soothing voices. Desk yoga is suitable whatever your physical health, and usually takes about 10 mins, so easy to fit in.

Seven eleven. Breathe in for 7 seconds exhale for 11.
Remind yourself you are doing the best you can, and let the rest go.
Nothing but nothing or no one is perfect.

Do it outside if possible.

Reconnect with the kids- watch a dvd in bed with them all and cut yourself and them some slack. Let them sleep in with you and watch them sleep- you always love sleeping kids no matter how much they’ve bugged you when awake.
Have a treat like sweets or a wine in bed too. Tomorrow is another day- start with a clear slate.

I will try the breathing thank you. It's the treadmill I can't cope with anymore. The double shift of work then managing the kids. I'm on my knees.

I'm 43 and perimenipausal too, I think. I'm just so freaking tired.

I downloaded and subscribed to the Calm app and try to do The Daily Calm each day... Its a 10 minute meditation and it makes me feel massively zen.

Or a bit of yoga from you tube (yoga with Adriene is good).

Although tempting, if you're feeling at all fragile I wpiodnt have an alcoholic drink. Alcohol is a depressive so if you're actually a bit stressed or anxious it may do you more harm than good!

@Boredbumhead
I feel for you. It’s such fucking hard work, and some days or some moments you just can’t do it. You’re all out.
Be kind to yourself above all.

Yes not mega alcohol.. but a glass of wine or g and t while sat on the toilet watching them at bathtime has been my party for one many a night haha

Definitely the movie thing.. sometimes I am
So desperate to escape and they do despatetely want me that it causes even more chaos trying to get w moment peace... 5am wake ups I now sometimes justbget the sofa bed our downstairs , give them picnic breakfast and a film and I go back to sleep 😬

Ask for help. People st work and friends won’t know a hard time you’re having unless you say.. speak up and say look I am not coping and I need something to give

My work were surprisingly supportive and gave me a phased return style respite me not being signed off

But also don’t be scared to go to dr and talk this through and get some time off if you need it

You’re no good to work or your kids broken ... esp as a single mum.. who else would look after them? You have to take care of you

Could you possibly cut down on work somehow?

I hope some of the great ideas suggested above help you tonight.
When you’ve got more time, you might like Brene Browne’s books useful - The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly. I like them as audiobooks. Something about what you wrote made me think of them.

A good scrub down in a hot shower and a good moisturise, followed by a big glass of wine in bed with an episode of something like Death in Paradise or Father Ted helps to reset me.

Longer term, now the evenings are brighter, taking them out to the local park or similar to burn off some energy helps. I find my 11yo gets angry/sassy when he’s had too much screen time so I try to minimise that (he’s a hard worker and plays a lot of sport so I don’t mind him playing for an hour or so but after that he gets a bit glassy eyed).

I find my 11yo gets angry/sassy when he’s had too much screen time

Yes this totally.

I feel so awful but I smacked both boys on the bum. I totally dont agree with this. I just couldn't cope anymore. One tried to kick me (he's only 4) and the other wasn't being that bad, just sassy and delaying going to bed.... I need help I think. Just when I need my boys most, they are going to hate me.

Bach flowers
You need elm, oak and olive

The PP who said ASMR - what a brill suggestion. I was in OP's position last night and I reckon this might have helped - I have a bit of a thing for a sexy voice so I reckon ASMR might be soothing. Maybe give it a go, OP.

Mindfulness/meditation?

Not immediate, but if there is a Frazzled Cafe near you, you may find that useful - worth a try if you can get a babysitter.
www.frazzledcafe.org

I have an app called Calm Harm, it’s primarily to try and delay self harm until the urge passes but it has loads of very quick suggestions of things to distract, soothe, release, breathe etc.

Thanks all, just caught my breath slightly. Thanks for talking to me.
I feel a bit like life is living me. Instead of me living it.

For me, the answer is get more sleep and let other things slide. When I'm struggling I get ready for bed at the same time as the dc, and go to bed as soon as they're asleep. Sometimes (particularly if dp is working away) we have a "sleepover" together in the double bed.

Deep breathing calm and soothing inner voice. I talk to myself like I'm a scared toddler. Works surprisingly well.