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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it a bit rude?

45 replies

hipslikecinderella · 02/03/2020 12:36

Not really heard from dsis since xmas - which isn't unusual as we are not close.
Anyway I bought dniece a few nice busy picture books for xmas. Didn't get a thanks. Again not really unusual.
We are visiting them soon and she has just messaged me a photo of an usbourne book dbil's friend gave dniece, which apparently dniece loved, and can I bring some more like it when we visit at Easter.
She is Scandinavian and they definitely do have different manners.
Yabu - not rude
Yanbu - bit rude

OP posts:
Original poster
hipslikecinderella · 02/03/2020 12:37

Sorry she is my SISTER IN LAW, not sister.

OP posts:
Mylittlepony374 · 02/03/2020 12:39

My sister in law lives on other side of world. When I visit she would often ask me for specific things to bring for the kids. I've never thought it was rude...

Bluntness100 · 02/03/2020 12:41

I think if you were going to take your niece gifts it seems more practical if she tells you what the child loves since you’re not close to her.

Bluntness100 · 02/03/2020 12:42

In fact, just reread, it’s not Even clear it’s gifts, more she’s asking you to bring some stuff that’s easier for you to get, seems fine to me either way,

MindyStClaire · 02/03/2020 12:44

Is she going to pay you for them? If so and they're not hard to source I don't see the big deal. Isn't it fairly typical to bring things for friends and family that can't be bought there? Usually favourite snacks etc, but why not books or clothes?

AryaStarkWolf · 02/03/2020 12:45

I think YABU, also is she your brothers wife or your husbands sister? If she's your brothers wife, why are you expecting thanks messages from her and not your brother?

Stompythedinosaur · 02/03/2020 12:47

I liked in Finland for a bit and have spent time IN Sweden too. I would say that Scandinavian people are often a bit more direct than British people. I don't think they are being rude.

ErrolTheDragon · 02/03/2020 12:48

The way you describe it, she sounds rather presumptuous and rude. If she'd said thanks, her DD loved them at Xmas then you might well have got more anyway.

It seems unlikely that a Scandinavian can't buy usbourne books online, and given that a few books can weigh a fair bit that sounds easier than you getting and carrying them.Confused

Original poster
hipslikecinderella · 02/03/2020 13:45

She's married to dh's brother.

OP posts:
Damntheman · 02/03/2020 14:07

I'm in Scandinavia, have been for 13 years. My husband, ILs, and 99% of my friends are all scandinavian. This is rude even on Scandi directness levels.

Did she not even add a line about how much DNiece loved the last book you bought her so if you're looking for more book ideas this series would be snazzy?

Yes, scandinavians are more direct, but this isn't just direct.

Damntheman · 02/03/2020 14:09

Unless... as Bluntness says it's a request for you to bring some out. Has she said she'll pay for them or is she assuming you will? Which scandi country are we talking about? They're not the same culturally.

AryaStarkWolf · 02/03/2020 14:09

She's married to dh's brother.

So why do you expect her to be the one who calls thanking you and not her husband considering he's actually your husbands brother?

Damntheman · 02/03/2020 14:09

And as Errol says.. it's VERY easy to buy books on book depository which has free shipping. Norway at least has zero customs tax on books so it makes far more sense to just get them that way than take up precious luggage space which could be used for marmite ;)

Gigiweegie · 02/03/2020 14:13

Am I right in thinking you gave her books, got no thanks, then SIL sends you a pic of a book someone ELSE got her and asked you to get her some more like them, not your ones. Yes that’s rude.

PianoTuner567 · 02/03/2020 14:13

It’s a bit rude, especially if she’s not expecting to pay for them.

Original poster
hipslikecinderella · 02/03/2020 14:15

A thanks would be fine from either parent.
A nothing followed by a request for a different kind of book is what came.

OP posts:
Kanga83 · 02/03/2020 14:18

I would send her a message with a link to the books that can be sent to her direct then there's no need for you to bring them and for SIL to give you the cash for them. Make it clear you are not bringing them as gifts.

Damntheman · 02/03/2020 14:19

Yes what kanga said! Send her a link to www.bookdepository.com and tell her they do free world wide delivery, isn't that handy!

Spied · 02/03/2020 14:23

Maybe she thinks her DH thanked you and his brother.
I don't think it's cheeky.

Straycatstrut · 02/03/2020 14:32

She said she loved them and asked if you could bring more, like an Easter present?

It doesn't sound TOO rude to me but I'd have got another thank you for previous book and "If you'd like to bring her something for Easter etc etc".

GinDrinker00 · 02/03/2020 14:44

Yes it’s rude. I would say you can get them but she’ll need to pay for them, since she couldn’t be bothered to thank you last time.

Gigiweegie · 02/03/2020 14:52

Stray it’s not the books they got her. It’s one they got from someone else (I think) which makes it rude!

EverythingTakesTime · 02/03/2020 15:00

Point her to the book depository. Free postage worldwide. She can buy her own.

Thisismytimetoshine · 02/03/2020 15:06

It is rude. I’d have assumed showing you the book someone else gave her child was an indirect way of showing you what she deems suitable; pre empting getting the type you gave her at Christmas again.

Lipz · 02/03/2020 15:07

I don't think it's rude. Usbourne books are great and the child preferred them. I'm often asked to bring a load of tayto to the UK when visiting. I love bringing things people like. She may have thought her dh thanked his brother. My dh Is a fecker for thanking his family, I usually have to do it.